To stop throwing the balls back over the fence?

[Danielsss]

Those bloody balls. The kids next door constantly play ball games, the balls always go over our fence! We would always get a knock on the door, every 2 minutes. I ended up saying if just throw it back over, it's still as frequent!!! How do I stop this?

We had this as kids. We backed onto a retirement complex and I totally get the balls coming over were annoying. I think the best thing to do is say at the end of the day any balls I can see in the garden I will throw back. Then at least they'll take care not to let them go over as it'll be the end of the game for that day. But not take them forever or spike them because (as we found with our grumpy neighbour) if you do that it's theft or criminal damage. If you don't spot one till you're out and about in the garden so be it; at least your neighbour will know they'll get it back eventually. I get that it's a pain but managing it happening is better than having a neighbour barny.

Oh we now live mid terrace. Good luck getting a gate between 2 houses if you're in the same boat as us OP

If you're concerned about trolling, then do report. Thanks.

Francis my dear, I am pretty sure I never suggested I am the owner of a fence with slats in it.

I am however the owner of a fence that looks like this: s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/91/57/35/91573500f88b831c90219e9ed4bd60bd.jpg
The posts you can see are sunk into concrete under the soil. They could easily have slats attached. Some of my fence posts have decorative hooks nailed into them that support hanging baskets containing annuals.

And I don't know what sort of neighbourhood you live in Littleprincesssara, if you think an unlocked gate automatically makes a public playground of a garden.

The kids are not 'strange' - what sort of neighbour are you if your neighbours' children are 'strange' or unknown to you?

Ten foot high concrete walls? My mum's garden has eight foot high concrete walls and the neighbours' children in the garden where ball games are played use a ladder which they pull up when they are astride the wall and then put it down on mum's side. They use only one spot in a gap between the plum trees for their ladder. Interested to know what objection you might have to this? If you can think of any, I'll get in touch pronto with my mum. She will have a good laugh.

LittleCandle Sun 28-Aug-16 08:52:30
So, Math, you are basically advocating that everyone should spend all day running backwards and forwards to throw balls back to children who, for whatever reason, repeatedly get the balls into your garden.

No, once again.
I have repeatedly suggested the OP lets the neighbours' kids climb over her fence, or install a gate to let them in to get their own balls.
And btw, the child next door doesn't want to get attention from you. She just wants her ball back. If you moved and her ball came over your former fence she would deal with the new owner of your castle.

Oddly enough, I work too. Plenty of people do in my neck of the woods. There are also plenty of children at home in the afternoons after school and of course all summer. Lots of balls go over lots of fences. The children get their own balls back. Some of my neighbours have managed to put slats on their fence posts (Francis) to enable kids to climb safely. Not to turn them into climbing frames. Just a few slats to enable safe entry into another garden, in a spot the garden owners choose.

Nobody knocks. Everyone is happy. The kids return to their own gardens with their balls, because that is where their goalposts are, plus they have easy access to their own fridges for drinks and snacks when they are in their own gardens..

It is my garden, not anyone else's... [LittleCandle]
I brought up five children.
They all went through a phase of saying stuff like that when they were aged about 2 to 5.
("Yes, DD2, we all know this doll is yours. DD3 just wants to borrow it and she will return it very soon. It will remain your doll." )

What is so unthinkable about a win-win situation or a practical solution to a problem?
Does every single facet of life in the worlds that some of you inhabit need to involve some way of telling others that you are more important then them and that they and their concerns are less important than you? Because that is what you are doing when you insist on standing on some silly principles here, or teaching children a lesson by making them wait all day for their ball (and the unspeakable damaging of the property of others that some of you think is reasonable).

The logical win-win solution is to simply throw the balls back once a day, not far around cutting "child cat flaps" (!!) into concrete walls (!!).

Bullshit on the ladder. No way would a small child be capable of lifting a 10ft ladder over a 10ft wall. I'm an adult and I can barely lift a 10ft ladder. I wouldn't allow a small child to climb a 10ft ladder on a concrete surface unattended, that's unspeakable dangerous.

"The kids are not 'strange' - what sort of neighbour are you if your neighbours' children are 'strange' or unknown to you?"

The kind who lives in the middle of a major city and works full time in a job where I don't get home till 11pm and go abroad every month.

Not all of us live in some kind of Darling Buds of May fantasy, but thanks for the personal attacks.

mathanxiety
I have almost wet myself with laughter that either you are a troll and expect people not to realise or that you think that people will take your fence-climbing idea seriously.

Oh and I'm really curious to know your solution to the fact what you're suggesting is illegal and potentially fatal where I used to live.

If you had a pool that was unsecured then you had an attractive nuisance in your garden.

Where did I suggest cutting cat flaps into your ten foot high wall? It's a little disconcerting to find one's posts have not been read accurately.

Why are you talking to me about your ten foot high concrete wall in the first place? (Or your pool for that matter?)
The OP doesn't have a ten foot high concrete wall (or a pool) as far as we know.
She is bothered by persistent knocking. The solution is to allow the child to retrieve his or her own ball. It's really simple.

I live in a city of over 8 million people. I know my neighbours and I work. Only about 30 of the 8 million are close neighbours. When I lived in a city of about 800,000 I also knew my 30 or so close neighbours. It's part of the experience of being human.

How is a situation where a child must wait all day for a ball to play with a 'win' for the child?
Are you counting unsolicited Victorian-style life lessons as a win for a child?
Or are you just suggesting being incredibly mean to a child in a horribly passive aggressive way, just because an 'adult' can do that and get away with it?

In your own case:
You don't get home until 11pm.
You go abroad every month.
Children are therefore to wait until the weekend until you throw their ball back?
Or wait a few days until you get home from wherever it is that you go?
This is a win? For whom?

I am baffled at the statements of surprise at the idea of Climbing.A.Fence.

Seriously?
This would not occur to any of you as a sensible way of preventing persistent knocking on the OP's door and also preventing the annoyance of having to go out and find stray balls and throw them back?

Climbing fences can damage them, that's not really an option.

When the DCs next door were younger there was no knocking at all. If a ball came over one of us would throw it back next time we were in the garden.

If we were on holiday they waited until we got home.

We have big gardens so it didn't happen often.

Math are you seriously suggesting that everyone should allow any child unfettered access to their gardens at any time of the day (and possibly night)? Really? You are having a quiet drink in the garden when a hoard of children come trouping in to search for a ball and you don't mind? I don't want uninvited anyone coming into my garden. And yes, it is mine and yes, I am possessive about it, because I am the person who takes care of it and nurtures it. Why shouldn't I be possessive? Do you allow any old Tom, Dick or Harry to borrow your car without asking because it is childish to insist that it is just your's?

I don't know many children in the neighbourhood, apart from the ones who live next door, because my children are grown and gone. There is one other family with young children who live in my street, and they are too small to wander alone. So all the other kids are strangers to me. Are you really happy for your child to go into strangers' gardens? This appears to be what you are saying.

Oh, and I am supremely unsurprised that your fence doesn't have slats in it. I'm sure you would be delighted to have loads of kids climbing on it on a regular basis. Enjoy the bill replacing it when it falls down.

Blimey!

Op there is absolutely no harm in asking children to wait until you are in your garden next and you will throw them over then. I say this as a mother of children who have managed to lose a ball to neighbours only once or twice but have had more come into our garden. I throw balls back when I'm out unless they come knocking. And I have no hesitation in either not answering the door if we're eating dinner or asking them to wait until we're finished if just plating up. If the back gate is unlocked the neighbours are welcome to help themselves, but they know this and generally do not disturb us then. However if we didn't have free access to the garden then our neighbours are not rude enough to climb over (the fence wouldn't hold anyway).

We have several balls as a 'just in case' plus a pop up goal which ds1 uses. He's under no illusions that battering it around our own small garden is not acceptable so it would not be acceptable to constantly lose them over neighbours fences either. I prefer him to take them out front (mindful of cars) or we go to the park.

Both ds' also go to football training where they are coached to keep the ball close from an early age. As they get older they progress to longer kicks but still the aim is controlling the ball instead of hoofing it up the pitch and hoping for the best.

My grandad charges 10p for the lad next door to get his ball back each time..... he gives the money back to boys dad on the sly though. It's all in good spirit but the ball doesn't come over and hit the greenhouse as often now lol

I'm still chuckling at the idea of all these Rambo-like 5 year olds single handedly heaving 10ft ladders over 10ft walls.

If a kid throws a ball obviously I'd return it, I'd never be intentionally unkind. If a kid throws a ball somewhere physically inaccessible then unfortunately there is sometimes no magic solution and they learn to be more careful in future. That's no bad thing.

I am baffled at the statements of surprise at the idea of Climbing.A.Fence
No I am baffled at the idea that you expect people to spend their hard earned money building a fence with a ladder to allow other people's kids to come and go into our gardens as and when they please (and probably trample all of our plants as well).

If you keep this up I am going to have to go and get a pack of Tena Lady because you are making me laugh so hard at the insanity of this idea.

This would not occur to any of you as a sensible way of preventing persistent knocking on the OP's door and also preventing the annoyance of having to go out and find stray balls and throw them back?

No, because it isn't sensible.

Can't see why people insist on poisoning their lives with unnecessary passive aggressiveness. Unless you are too old or have severe back problems, why don't you simply throw the balls back

I work from home. Can you really not see how disruptive it would be to have to retrieve balls from my garden? If I were the OP I would simply collect all the balls up and return them once a day - and tell the neighbours thats what you were going to do. Would prevent them knocking.

Francis - 'climbing frame' is a bit of a stretch.
'Fence with slats attached for climbing'?
Not a stretch, by a long shot. Strangely, google does not show photos of every single fence in every single garden I have ever been in. Isn't that weird.

Another weird thing is that a google search of 'uk garden fence' reveals they come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them look like very suitable candidates for slats, with nice sturdy posts. Your fence may well be a poor quality affair, but we have no indication from the OP that her fence is unsuitable for the purposes of safe climbing.

What happens to your fence when the wind blows?

PersianAct - the fence is already built. All you have to do is spend a few quid on slats and nails. This is really only a matter of a few quid.

Littleprincesssara - how about supplying a ladder on the other side then? Do ladders cost hundreds of £?
And where are we getting the idea of a five year old from?
Are most five year olds capable of booting a football over a ten foot high wall?

LittleCandle Mon 29-Aug-16 08:14:05
Math are you seriously suggesting that everyone should allow any child unfettered access to their gardens at any time of the day (and possibly night)? Really? You are having a quiet drink in the garden when a hoard of children come trouping in to search for a ball and you don't mind?
Clearly, if you're having a quiet drink in your own garden and a ball comes over you would have no issue throwing it back. Because if you're home in the evening that is what you are suggesting everyone should do.
By a 'horde of children' do you mean two or three? Or are you anticipating twenty or more?

I don't want uninvited anyone coming into my garden
So you will have to suck up any problems associated with children knocking for their balls. Or throw them over. Or sit and fume impotently as you sit out having a quiet drink in the evening while silently refusing to get up and throw a ball back, perhaps listening to your doorbell dinging in the background, and actually ruin your own evening by indulging in a very childish display of stubbornness...

Do you allow any old Tom, Dick or Harry to borrow your car without asking because it is childish to insist that it is just your's?
Nobody is borrowing my garden.
The neighbouring children are entering it, finding their balls, and leaving it.

I don't know many children in the neighbourhood, apart from the ones who live next door, because my children are grown and gone.
My youngest is 15, and my oldest ones are grown and gone. I must be a really strange person and so must my neighbours. We all know each other and each others' children. It makes the neighbourhood a very pleasant place. We all look out for the children even though some of us don't even have children. 'It takes a village' after all.

So all the other kids are strangers to me.
Strangers are much easier to demonise and think ill of and call a group of them a horde.

Are you really happy for your child to go into strangers' gardens? This appears to be what you are saying.
Obv this doesn't come up because we are not strangers. It didn't come up when my DCs were small either.

If you don't want children going into strangers' gardens, then don't be a stranger. Is that too sensible an idea?

Math As an Aussie now in the UK who has travelled across the US I can categorically confirm that your idea of letting the kids climb over the fence is ridiculous. The timber is completely different, the structures are just not as sturdy as the Australian and American fences, they really truly aren't - and i was one of the kids that used to climb the fences a lot.

We have this. I don't want them climbing over the fence in case they damage it as it would be expensive to replace. Also they might hurt themselves as one of the first things we did when we moved in was plant a holly hedge in front of the fence which is now doing quite well.
I don't leave the gate open as it is locked as a security measure. I do go out on average 3-4 times a week and chuck balls back for them, I don't keep them or damage them in any way.
I don't answer the door if I know it's kids and if I do I tell them DH will go out and chuck balls back when he gets home later. He does if he has the energy.

Jeez, just check em back! I prob throw half a dozen balls back over to the lads next door every day in the summer.