Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really pissed at DH?

73 replies

doorwideopen · 24/08/2016 20:12

I work in a school (separate school from where our DC attend). DH also works full time. As I work in education, I have amused and entertained the DC for 6 long weeks on my own.

The DC return to school on Wednesday 7th. I return back on Monday 5th. DH knows this. We have very limited childcare options.

DH has now announced he's used his 2 last remaining annual leave days for a long bank holiday weekend away with the lads. Apparently he "forgot" that the DC need sorting for 2 days while I'm in work Hmm

I don't give a shit that he's going away. I do however give a shit that he's been utterly self centered and now we are screwed about childcare for the 5th and 6th of September. He just automatically assumes that all childcare responsibilities fall on me by default.

FFS Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
doorwideopen · 24/08/2016 20:56

I understand sapphire Smile

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 24/08/2016 21:01

If it were me and dh, I would not leave this to chance.

I would not assume that he would take his days off. I would discuss with him and tell him to take the time off.

And I would also express my anger that he hadn't bothered to think about it and left the thinking to me.

But that's because I know that I need to put the children first. Yes it means I do all of the thinking but I have to work on getting dh to take more responsibility. It's wearing but I don't want the children to be stuffed.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 24/08/2016 21:03

I don't think you should have to do it all.
But I do think if you've been off for 6 weeks with them and there are only two days you can't do, you might have said "Steve, listen Steve, are you listening to me? You need to take these two days off."

If you would often ask parents for help out then I think it's a bit churlish to tell them not to help just so DH has to cancel his trip.

Mycraneisfixed · 24/08/2016 21:07

Such a familiar scenario with a lot of mothers I'm sure.
When a mother is going out she checks their father is ok to look after them (his own kids!).
When a father is going out...he just says, "Goodbye".

AyeAmarok · 24/08/2016 21:11

You need to leave this to him to fix.

There's a reason why he doesn't think his children are his responsibility...

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 24/08/2016 21:25

Joint diary, diary rules. No reminding, inclusive discussions.

That said if you've never expected him to be so prescient before, it's a bit like move the goal posts.

DoinItFine · 24/08/2016 21:29

Your mother is not at all wonderful is she helps your husband treat you like shit.

notagainnellie · 24/08/2016 21:32

He sounds useless. Not sure why you said you were screwed for childcare when you know you have a beyond wonderful mother who will drop everything to have the dc Confused.

doorwideopen · 24/08/2016 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

paddypants13 · 24/08/2016 22:32

Sorry for my multiple posts op, my phone had a glitch.

Don't take them into school with you, just tell him he needs to sort childcare and leave him to it. If your mum is kind enough to come over then your dh is lucky to have such a nice mil.

RhiWrites · 25/08/2016 07:58

I don't have children but I do have a cat. If I'd arranged to go away without sorting a cat feeder then I would cancel my plans to go away.

The obvious solution is for OP's husband to cancel his plans. Does he really not see that? It sounds as though he rates his children lower than I rate my cat.

Except that of course some woman will sort the issue for him so he can continue merrily doing whatever he wants.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 25/08/2016 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClopySow · 25/08/2016 08:17

Your mum isn't helping you, shes helping your partner be shit. I'd be fucking raging if my mum bailed him out.

CalleighDoodle · 25/08/2016 08:17

Jesus some people give their husbands mo reaponsibility for thinking at all if this thread is anything to go by!!!

Im a teacher and have one inset day before the children are back to school. I said hmm i go back before the children. My husband booked the day off. Otherwise he would have asked his mum.

sofato5miles · 25/08/2016 08:22

No wonder nothing changes if PP's responses are to be believed. I would be livid and am fully in the 'your problem, you sort it' camp.

Believeitornot · 25/08/2016 08:52

It's all very well saying "your problem, you sort it", but what about the children?

There are other ways of doing this. The OP could have done it when she said that she was going back to work on the Monday. Tell the dh then, your problem, you sort it.

If she always takes care of these things, then it's a bit off to expect the dh to do so. She should have actually had an adult discussion with him and told him she didn't want him to assume she's the one who sorts these things out.

It's a bit petty otherwise. No one is denying the dh is a bit of an arse, but that doesn't mean you fix it by being arsey yourself.

OpenMe · 25/08/2016 08:59

A grandma who jumps at an opportunity to spend time with dgc is enabling a useless husband? I often wonder if I live in an alternate reality.

He shouldn't have done it. I'd be most cross to lose the family time we should be having over the bank holiday but as you're relaxed about that, leave him to sort out the childcare. Life's too short to create problems and conflict where there's no need.

Lilaclily · 25/08/2016 09:02

That's not even a bank holiday weekend
It's this coming weekend

OpenMe · 25/08/2016 09:04

Which is August BH weekend?

MoreGilmoreGirls · 25/08/2016 09:10

This weekend, it's in August Wink

OpenMe · 25/08/2016 09:10

Also Op, I sometimes have this issue with Dh but I very much bring it on myself. I do make all the arrangements for DC and if dh were to start taking it on himself to do it, it would mess my plans up. Dh would book the days off if I asked him to but wouldn't realise he needed to unless I asked. If I told him I was back to work 2 days before Dc (I'm in exactly the same position) he'd assume I'd made arrangements with a friend or my parents unless I told him I needed him to cover it.

That doesn't make him useless, lazy or unsupportive, Ioften think he does more than his share but that's a "job" I have covered.

OpenMe · 25/08/2016 09:11

Sorry Gilmore, I was replying to the post above mine

WhooooAmI24601 · 25/08/2016 09:12

Your mother isn't at fault here, at all. Surely most Grandparents would jump at the chance to spend time with their Grandchildren? I know mine would drop everything, especially my MIL.

He's a selfish twat for sure. And if this is a regular thing it sounds a pretty shitty way to live.

whersthel1ght · 25/08/2016 09:16

Sorry OP but how has he only got 2 days leave yet and why the hell have you had the kids on your own for the full 6 weeks??

Does he use all his annual leave for piss ups because from your posts he doesn't do any childcare!

Dp works shifts and I have significantly less AL than him so covering the childminders holiday and covering the dictated weeks we have my dsc. However I tell him the dates that are needed, we look at who is off/can take leave and manage it using the family calendar so that no one forgets.

Your DH is being a cock and you and your mum are allowing AND facilitating it. Stop!

You need to be clearer when you discuss these things but that doesn't mean he gets to abdicate responsibility for childcare.

amidawish · 25/08/2016 09:17

so he knows it will be ok as your mum will have the kids.

so not really leaving you in the lurch.

not the point i know.