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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want another baby

75 replies

bellend123 · 24/08/2016 15:31

I have two children ages 2 and 4. When I was pregnant with my youngest I became seriously unwell with severe OCD and was eventually diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I spent five months in psychiatric hospital when my daughter was really young.
I have recovered from it all now, and now I desperately want another baby. I want to breastfeed a baby again, my breastfeeding experience got cut short with my daughter as I had to start medication. I want to do it all again.
My partner is having none of it and is refusing to have another one. My only hope is that when we have sex we use the pull out method and I'm hoping I become pregnant this way.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 24/08/2016 16:08

You're not talking about how much you want another child-you're talking about wanting to be pregnant again and breastfeed again.

It's a terrible idea to trap your husband into becoming a father again. Don't do this to your family.

HoneyBadgers · 24/08/2016 16:10

I think perhaps we're fighting a loosing battle here. Every single posted has pointed out the OP is BU, however she's adamant she's not...

yorkshapudding · 24/08/2016 16:12

The only issue is, I'd have to change my medication which has kept me stable over the last six months. I'm on an antidepressant, a mood stabiliser and an antipsychotic.

That is a very, very big issue.

You acknowledge that this medication has "kept you stable" so you must realise that if you discontinue it relapse is extremely likely.

You have also not acknowledged the points made by previous posters regarding the potential impact of a prolonged separation (due to you requiring inpatient treatment) on your family. Your DH is not unreasonable to not want to have to cope alone with two small children and a newborn for several months if you need admission.

KnitFastDieWarm · 24/08/2016 16:13

your existing children need a healthy mother more than you need to experience pregnancy and breastfeeding again.

it sucks and feels unfair and you are allowed to feel that way, but that's parenthood for you. it's not all about you.

source - am a mother who takes psych meds (although different ones for a different condition). o sometimes think 'ooh, shall I try coming off my meds/doing xyz?' and then I remember that my child needs a healthy balanced mother and I have to put that first.

Original poster

bellend123 · 24/08/2016 16:14

So do you guys think I should just forget about it and concentrate on the family I already have?

I think the reason I want another baby is that my daughter won't let me cuddle and kiss her, she is only attached to her daddy because he looked after her those five months I was in hospital.

On the other hand, I think how likely is it to get pregnant using the pull-out method??

OP posts:

PastaPrincess · 24/08/2016 16:16

YABU - hoping to trap your DP into another pregnancy is nasty.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 24/08/2016 16:16

Please do not pretend you're purposely getting pregnant for alturistic reasons.

Yu have your mind made up, but do not be surprised if your partner leaves you if you manage to fall pregnant again, that's what most often happens. Social Services will be involved in your pregnancy from day one. Your parenting will be scrutinised

Get a pet. Be happy with what you have, you're lucky and blessed. look at it hat way instead of focusing on what you missed out on?

PurpleDaisies · 24/08/2016 16:17

I think the reason I want another baby is that my daughter won't let me cuddle and kiss her, she is only attached to her daddy because he looked after her those five months I was in hospital.

You can't just have another baby to make up for things that aren't going well with your baby. . You absolutely should concentrate on what you have now.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 24/08/2016 16:17

That's not why OP, all children go through 'favourite parent' phases. Especially if you stay home with them and he works?

expatinscotland · 24/08/2016 16:18

'So do you guys think I should just forget about it and concentrate on the family I already have?'

Yes.

And you need to do your health a huge favour and get some decent birth control. I'm really surprised your HCPs are happy handing out such potent drugs without your being on some reliable birth control.

FuzzyOwl · 24/08/2016 16:20

Is this a reverse? Or made up?

If genuine, maybe your daughter can sense you are only interested in yourself and her father has her interests at heart.

Sparklesilverglitter · 24/08/2016 16:22

Umm you can't have another baby because your DD is attached to her dad, don't most children prefer different parents at different phases?

I think you are felling strange because your DD is more attached to her dad and because you couldn't breastfeed her, having another baby won't solve that

Concentrate on what you do have, 2 lovely children

kate33 · 24/08/2016 16:22

I don't think anyone would support you coming off your meds. Imagine being pregnant and ill again, it could be terrifying for you op. What do you think people in rl who know and love you would say?

Knit fast for you and lots of happy times ahead! I love what you've written!

Hedgehog80 · 24/08/2016 16:24

Trust me when I say it is really not a good idea. I've been there myself
The best advice I can give is don't do anything at the moment. Sort out a form of reliable and temporary birth control. Take your medication and speak with your dh

See how you feel in 6 months or a year. Maybe your dh will change his mind and you'll be in a better place to go ahead. Maybe he won't and you will have to accept that but from your posts it sounds like now is not the best time. It does get better and you do come to terms with not having any more if that is the final outcome. It's hard but I promise you hand on heart sometimes being happy with what you have and forgetting all the what ifs is the best thing to do
I wish you all the best

aprilanne · 24/08/2016 16:26

in the nicest possible way you sound still very ill its all about you no one else your still irrationally thinking in my opinion .you may have periods of stability but you never recover from paranoid schizophernia .it can be stable for a long time but its always there and the slightest thing can tip the balance but you have very young children bringing a baby into the mix .so short after you feel better is not a great idea .and i am saying this as the wife of a very mentally ill husband

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 24/08/2016 16:30

In your position there's no way on earth I would be wanting a third child. But you do, because you aren't being rational. Think a bit less about what you want and a bit more about what your children and your DH need. They need you stable, happy, well, functioning properly as a mother, at home with them, everything under control. As it should be.

Getting pregnant again would be like playing Russian Roulette with your mental health, your marriage and your children's wellbeing. Don't do it.

And your DH needs to make sure he uses condoms as you clearly aren't taking any birth control. He's utterly stupid to rely on the withdrawal method, even if you didn't yearn for another baby.

Original poster

bellend123 · 24/08/2016 16:31

Well maybe I'll just concentrate on the family already have.
SpecialAgentFreyPie why would he leave me? And why would social services be involved??

OP posts:

summerskittles91 · 24/08/2016 16:31

Struggling to sympathise with you OP.

I understand you want another child, but surely the needs of your other DC and husband are equally important to.

What you want doesn't always equate what is best for your family.

harderandharder2breathe · 24/08/2016 16:33

You and DH need to start using better contraception for a start

Your existing children need you healthy, you've already said you're concerned about the impact of you being away from them might have been. What if you get ill again? Which is more likely than not if you're coming off meds, starting new meds, plus pregnancy hormones and probably an upset husband.

Focus on bonding with your daughter. The answer is absolutely not to have another baby. If she does have any issues about you, how do you think she'll feel about a new baby taking all your time?

It sucks, it's not fair. But don't consciously make it worse for you and your family!

eightbluebirds · 24/08/2016 16:34

Surely you should be concentrating on repairing your relationship with your daughter then, not just replacing her so you have something/someone to need you again. YABU and selfish and from your posts, no, it does not sound like this is what is best for anyone in your family, for you, you OH, and the children you already have.

aprilanne · 24/08/2016 16:37

BELLEND 123 if you cant see the reason why your husband would possibly leave .and the social work then getting involved in your new pregnancy then as i said you are still very ill and not thinking straight .

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 24/08/2016 16:43

Because you purposely got pregnant when he didn't want another child? I've seen this happen in real life. men leave, IMO, justifiably so (even though they should have been using better protection)

Social Services would have to be involved given what happened in your last pregnancy.

I'm sorry you're hurting, I think you've made the right decision

Original poster

bellend123 · 24/08/2016 16:50

OK well I'll resign to the fact that we'll never have any more children

OP posts:

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 24/08/2016 16:53

You may find you actually don't want anymore OP, or in a few years time you may both agree to have another child.

For now, if you feel your bond with DD has been affected, you could start a thread asking for help? So many intelligent posters on here! There's also a wonderful thread those of us (I'm one) with some nastier mental health problems post on if you'd like a link to talk about your feelings of missing out on breastfeeding your DD?

icy121 · 24/08/2016 16:56

I want I want I want.

How old are you and your parter, OP?

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