Would you split with your OH over this?

[skiesandpies]

I'll keep this brief...

DP divorced his wife over 10 years ago. He was making a lot of money back then - she got £1,200,000... he was left with around £200,000. He then paid £85,000 to her in maintenance for 4 years until she got pregnant by her new DH. They have a DD together who was 10 months old when they split.

DP makes no where near as much as 10 years ago but STILL pays EW £2,000 a month in child support plus private school fees for DD (c.£15,000). We rent. She lives mortgage free. We have no DC yet but have been TTC for over a year and are considering IVF.

11 years ago DP had invested in a dodgy scheme where he made £160,000 - he lost all of this profit in the divorce. He has since paid to get out of the scheme after realising it was dodgy and before making more money on it.

Now HMRC are chasing us for a £200,000 tax bill to repay the dodgy profit + interest. I told him to go after EW. He said no. We simply do not have the money and I don't know how we are going to pay this money to HMRC. I work FT but only make £26,000 a year.

I am so upset he won't go after EW that I am considering leaving him. AIBU? WWYD?

I think it could add up but the OP is leaving out stuff like the pension to make believe her DP is some kind of victim of his ex rather than face his (possible) financial irresponsibility. Assuming it was all true, it was clearly a good amount of assets divorce and the OP can have no clear idea of what may have been agreed in edition or through solicitors. It may have been a court decision. It may well be the case that the ex has some liability but the OP hasn't expressed it very well. Who knows?

It is sick that she got over 1 million and he got £200,000

Read HereIAm20's post before you decide. What she says makes a lot of sense.

Mango yes she did tell me that. She admitted she told him she was still taking the pill but she stopped. He was 24 and she was 30, he didn't feel ready to have a child and wanted to wait a couple more years.

This story is BS, HMRC do not charge £200k in tax on £160k income!!!

If your dh could not afford his current commitments to his wife (and they are court ordered) he could go back and ask for a review of his current circumstances

Not read the whole thread but I'm guessing whatever this dodgy scheme was his ex wife didn't know the half of it, just like you don't seem to know the half of his financial position/arrangments/problems now.
Don't 'go after' his ex wife, unless she forced him at gunpoint to enter this dodgy scheme and insisted he didn't consult an accountant it's nothing to do with her

And yes I would leave someone I didn't believe to be 100% transparent where money is concerned at the point of ttc.

Something that happened ten years ago is outside the time limits for inland revenue to pursue. Unless he is being accused of deliberate tax fraud. His story makes no sense.

None of this makes sense.

The figures sound very dodgy. No one get such a large tax bill like that without warning much higher amounts.

Regardless. None of this is the ex wife's fault or their dc.

Earning not warning.

He needs to get proper legal advice. What you've been told doesn't add up.

HereIAm20 yes exactly right in all you have said.

Maybe I am just bitter.

Wow, inshock, he was an awfully rich 24-year-old - shelling out for a house, private schooling, etc. If he didn't want a kid he should have used a condom.

This story doesn't make sense, OP. I think he's BSing you.

I think you're either leaving out, or unaware of some rather key parts of this story.

What's his income?

He used to make close to £700,000 a year (way way before I met him) and now makes around £130,000 which I appreciate is a LOT of money but when you're paying out £2,000 a month in child support and private school fees, plus paying rent in London - it doesn't go that far.

That's for him to sort out, OP. If he wants to have the maintenance re-evaluated he can. It's not his ex wife's fault. Nor is his tax bill.

Go after the EW for what? The money he gave her? I guess he could apply to have his current maintenance payments reduced.

He could revise payments for private school fees. Thats a luxury maybe he should get her to pay half the fees. When dc gets to secondary school those fees doubles so its worth thinking about.