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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you split with your OH over this?

68 replies

skiesandpies · 24/08/2016 15:01

I'll keep this brief...

DP divorced his wife over 10 years ago. He was making a lot of money back then - she got £1,200,000... he was left with around £200,000. He then paid £85,000 to her in maintenance for 4 years until she got pregnant by her new DH. They have a DD together who was 10 months old when they split.

DP makes no where near as much as 10 years ago but STILL pays EW £2,000 a month in child support plus private school fees for DD (c.£15,000). We rent. She lives mortgage free. We have no DC yet but have been TTC for over a year and are considering IVF.

11 years ago DP had invested in a dodgy scheme where he made £160,000 - he lost all of this profit in the divorce. He has since paid to get out of the scheme after realising it was dodgy and before making more money on it.

Now HMRC are chasing us for a £200,000 tax bill to repay the dodgy profit + interest. I told him to go after EW. He said no. We simply do not have the money and I don't know how we are going to pay this money to HMRC. I work FT but only make £26,000 a year.

I am so upset he won't go after EW that I am considering leaving him. AIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:

Lweji · 24/08/2016 16:00

How much did he actually made that he's got a £200 000 tax bill?

And what do you mean go after the ex-wife? Ask her for money back?

MangoMoon · 24/08/2016 16:02

Agree with PPs.

You are thinking of leaving him purely because he won't 'go after' his ex wife for money.

Someone you presumably love and want to be with (I'd hope, seeing as how you've been trying for a baby), but your love is caveated by him 'going after' someone who he agreed divorce terms with 10 years ago.

You're very mercenary and money oriented by the sound of your posts so probs best to move onto someone else with pots of cash but no responsibilities to offspring.

expatinscotland · 24/08/2016 16:04

'You're very mercenary and money oriented by the sound of your posts so probs best to move onto someone else with pots of cash but no responsibilities to offspring.'

Who's happy to fund someone on £26k a year for hte rest of her life. Good luck with that.

Trifleorbust · 24/08/2016 16:08

This sounds like a horrid situation, but what he needs - and you need because you are with him - is proper legal advice. It was his dodgy investment, not hers, so my interpretation would be that he is liable for the tax, whatever he did with the money... But I could be wrong.

furryminkymoo · 24/08/2016 16:12

I think that the tax issue has nothing to do with the EW.

His tax affairs and his inability to declare that money are his issues, his fault. His bill will mostly be made up of interest and fines. Presumably she wasn't part of the decision or invested any money into the scheme?

TBH you sound bitter that you have met your partner whilst he isn't a high flier, why are you with him? is it really all about money?

Namechanger2015 · 24/08/2016 16:21

He would have had ample opportunity to mention his tax liabilities during his divorce. I think it's monumentally unfair to chase his ex wife (and therefore his child) to pay out because of his financial short-sightedness over the divorce settlement.

I'm glad he is leaving his ex-wife out of this, I'm sure she would also have contributed plenty to the marriage (financial or otherwise) that she won't be getting back.

Lweji · 24/08/2016 16:23

He then paid £85,000 to her in maintenance for 4 years until she got pregnant by her new DH.

Was she married by then? Why was he still paying her maintenance?
And how did she get £1,200,000 and maintenance? Aren't financial settlements used to replace maintenance?

LumpyMcBentface · 24/08/2016 16:25

None of this adds up. I think you are being played here.

expatinscotland · 24/08/2016 16:26

'Was she married by then? Why was he still paying her maintenance?'

Probably because he is paying maintenance for his child, not spousal maintenance. Hence, all this 'go after the EW' is really go after his child. He's paying out for his daughter. And he seems content to do so.

Lweji · 24/08/2016 16:27

No, it's different:
STILL pays EW £2,000 a month in child support

Child support and spousal maintenance are different.

Lweji · 24/08/2016 16:28

And why would maintenance stop or change when she got pregnant?

MrsCampbellBlack · 24/08/2016 16:32

It is funny on here how many ex-wifes get millions in divorce settlements.

I am yet to meet any in real life.

HereIAm20 · 24/08/2016 16:33

I suspect she got £1.2m as the capital settlement and then maintenance until she started to cohabit (4 years later) and there was also an order for child maintenance and school fees based on what he was earning at the time.

Although the OP says he got £200,000 she then later says he also got the pension which may well have been valued at £1m too so a 50/50 split.

It is possible that the court awarded her the matrimonial home (worth £1.2m now but perhaps not then). £200,000 would then have been a sufficient deposit for a high earner to rehouse himself.

Yes times have changed and he isn't earning that now. He could ask the ex-wife to reconsider the level of maintenance and school fees but it would also appear from above he doesn't want to.

I think the deal probably did not only make £160,000 profit because even at a higher rate of tax he would only be paying 45% of that sum. I suspect it was money in an avoidance type scheme like the celebs have been caught out on and therefore it is a back tax bill rather than tax on profit of £160,000. But when it comes down to it you took on a man with financial baggage and you sound very bitter about it.

It is for you DH to decide whether he want to do right by his child or not.

Memoires · 24/08/2016 16:37

I simply don't understand why there's 200K tax on this investment thing. Is that tax on the money he invested? How much was his investment? Was the investment meant to be tax free or something?

Inshock73 · 24/08/2016 16:37

Just wanted to say I understand your frustration.

My ex had a child with his wife against his wishes. She wanted a baby and stopped taking the pill without telling him. They split shortly after the baby was born and years of hell and arguing with her followed. Putting all that to one side, she fought him for full custody of their daughter, he was earning a good salary whereas she received legal aid (it was 20 years ago!) until eventually he couldn't afford to continue to fight her. She got the house, private school fees and healthy monthly maintenance, he moved in to a house share as he couldn't even afford to rent on his own. He worked his nuts off for years paying her maintenance and mortgage, she didn't work for 10 years and proudly told him her solicitor told her it wasn't in her best interests to get a job. The financial strain contributed to our split.

I can't offer any practical advice just wanted to sympathise.

MangoMoon · 24/08/2016 16:45

My ex had a child with his wife against his wishes. She wanted a baby and stopped taking the pill without telling him.

Did she tell you that herself??

Although even so, a condom, withdrawal method or even a vasectomy were options available to him if he really didn't want a baby.

TheHobbitMum · 24/08/2016 16:47

The ex wife shouldn't have anything to do with the tax split (unless she profited from the dodgy deal?) and the settlement figures seem off, although I'm certainly no expert! If your both struggling to afford the maintenance then he needs to go to CMS to recalculate the award

YourHandInMyHand · 24/08/2016 16:50

This sounds rather off. Have you actually seen all the paperwork for all this or are you just taking his word for it?

Do you have DCs together??

I think I'd be considering separate houses and finances for a good long while.

Memoires · 24/08/2016 16:56

Yourhandinmine, I think they're ttc. Best to stop that for the mo, op.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 24/08/2016 17:03

If he can't pay it then he may have to file for Bankruptcy. Is his name on his EW house or did they sell and she took that money to. It is sick that she got over 1 million and he got £200,000. I am a female I would not take all that I would want half. I wouldn't want to see my ex buried in debt. He can not be earning a fantastic amount if he owes money to the HMRC they want there money. You do know he could end up in prison if he doesn't pay it. They will take everything you own to repay that debt your partner sound very foolish to give away all of that doesn't he use an accountant. From the divorce settlement right up to the mess he is in now.

Lweji · 24/08/2016 17:04

HereIAm20

That makes sense. In which case it would have been disingenuous to say she got a million and he only got 200K.

The maintenance until she got pregnant is still odd, though.

purplefox · 24/08/2016 17:06

You're being ridiculous.

cannotlogin · 24/08/2016 17:10

The maintenance until she got pregnant is still odd, though

The pregnancy possibly wasn't the trigger for change. The agreement could have taken many forms. Could have been 4 years. Could have been till she co-habits or re-marries. The pregnancy may have just co-incided with that.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 24/08/2016 17:11

I think I'd be considering separate houses and finances for a good long while.

Good advice you need to keep your self clean.

Atenco · 24/08/2016 17:12

I am a female I would not take all that I would want half

Isn't it the judge who decides?

However none of this adds up.

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