To be fed up with people asking me when am I going to get a job instead of being a SAHM

[Blondienut]

So here goes. I have recently (end of June) moved country with my 5yr old boy to start a life with my fiancée. Prior to that we had been commuting and seeing each other most weekends and holidays. He has two children who he has 50% time. We both made the decision that I would take some time out initially to get my DS settled and started in new school and I would have a break away from work outside of home. I have worked solidly up until now as a nurse. I have juggled night shifts and long days as a single parent and it was tough at times. I did love my job so I was grateful for that but so far I'm not missing it as much as I thought I would.

I hold my hands up and admit that I never considered how tough staying at home could also be so am glad I am seeing life from that perspective now too. My fiancée and I are both happy that it is the right choice for us as a family at the moment. We are not well off but we manage (just) financially.

I am inundated with people asking me 'have you got a job yet' , 'when are you going back to work' , 'what are you going to do for work' etc etc etc. It is really starting to grate on me and I don't want to feel like I have to justify myself to people. Women are the worst. Why can't we support each other and recognise that working outside the home or being a SAHM are both really important roles. Why can't we be happy for people when they get a chance to do either. For some they would love an opportunity to go out to work and for some they would love a chance to stay at home. I feel like shouting at these people 'give me a break, I have only just moved my whole life to a different country, been through a horrible divorce and have slogged my guts out working shifts for years, GIVE ME A BREAK' . End rant 😉

This really frustrates me... Each to their own and different circumstances work for different families I've had people as me why I work full time with a 3 year old and don't spend more time with her. I have my reasons and I'm sure they have theirs for choosing to stay at home. Really it is nobodies business what you and your family choose to do !

I don't have any patience, as my DH keeps telling me, so I would have told them to F off by now, in a nice way of course, NOT.

I actually think we should change the terminology (and the abbreviation):
SAHP --> WIHP (working in the home parent)

Trifle, that's a straight-up BRILLIANT idea.

OP, I'd have told them all where they could stick their questions by now. It's none of their fecking business.

And friends should know better than to keep on about it.

My daughter was only a week old and a friend's mother asked when I was going back to work!

i sympathise get it alot and i dont work because of health problems (not visible)

so its oh why dont you work then-im not well and try and leave it at that

oh well im sure u could find something?

i mean whats that about

Op apologies as I haven't read the full thread.

However, reading your original post, I wonder if some of what you are experiencing is just people trying (perhaps clumsily!) to make conversation, ask how you are getting on, find out what is happening with your new life, etc.

I am just aware that I am on the other side of it (8.5 months pregnant!) and people are asking me similar things (will I return to work, how long will I be off, what are we doing for childcare, etc). I think it's just conversation, 90% of the time?

Same here London I get "How will you afford having two children in creche?" Or "you're not going back to work, are you?"
I usually reply with "we'll see" as I don't have an answer...

What's a a WOHP? I mostly post on the cat (Litter Tray) board, so am not down with all the lingo. The closest thing I can think, that makes sense, is 'working out of home parent'.

But am now filled with curiosity...

RubbishMantra that is what it means! Although us WOHPs work in the home as well as out of it!!

Aah thank you Ffion.

Things I don't know the answer to really do my head in. I have a Big Love for Google.

I'm a SAHM and I'm lucky enough to have never experienced negative comments. In fact, people have been overwhelmingly positive in their comments. People have ranged from saying (a non-committal or uninterested) "how lovely" to "I wish I could do that" or "I wish I'd been able to do that". I guess I have no way of knowing how negatively people who haven't commented are viewing my situation, but quite honestly I don't care. We all do what is best for our own families and I do agree that people ask for conversation reasons and forget it 30 seconds later. Good luck with your new life OP.

If I were a SAHM I would have so much fun with people like this. I'd tell them I spend all day in Harvey Nicks spending my husband's money and post photos of myself outside the Ivy and Ritz, claiming I'd just had lunch or high tea. Whenever they told me that my life was one big holiday, I'd say they had no idea how difficult it is to find a pool attendant with the, er, personal touch like Philippe and that I needed a new uniform for the maid because she spilled beluga caviar on herself.

The possibilities are endless.