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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how much screentime your 12-13 year olds have?

57 replies

VioletBam · 23/08/2016 10:23

And what time they go to bed? Especially during the week.

My DD is 12 and unfortunately, she seems to be having a very emotional and grumpy journey towards her teens.

She has nice friends etc and doing well at school....but she's SO moody at home. I know it's normal....she's always been "dramatic" about things...so when she was younger, if she got a common cold, it was the END OF THE WORLD and SHE WAS IN AGONY.

That type.

She's lovely when she's lovely but a lot of her time after school is spent pouring scorn on her younger sister and being moody and snappy.

Unless she's allowed to sit on her phone for hours on end which she will do...she watches shows on Netflix mainly.

She won;t join any out of school clubs...she did ballroom till last year but now has lost interest...I've offered her a choice of any club or activity but no...she hates them all.

She occassionally spends some time sewing...she does read...and goes out on Saturdays to meet her mates etc....but is this it?

I've decided this week that during the week, she can only have 2 hours on the phone and has to be off it by 6.00pm. She tends to go to sleep at about ten pm.

Does this sound ok? Normal? What are your rules? I'm hoping that by reducing her screen time she will be a bit more cheerful!

OP posts:
Original poster
VioletBam · 23/08/2016 12:09

Purple thanks very much...I'll have a look at that.

OP posts:
Heidibb · 23/08/2016 12:13

She is the first generation to have Internet though. People born in the late 80s and 90s had internet too. So that's 2 generations before this generation. People now in their early 30s had internet growing up.

she watches hours of quite crappy shows.

Yeah, so that's her interest! That's what she enjoys so stop calling it "crappy" not wonder she is in a grump all the time. Maybe it's not what you'd like her to have for an interest but you have to accept its what she enjoys and just leave her alone. Why don't you try watching some of this stuff with her instead of moaning about her and the shows?! You're calling it crap but I bet you've never watched much of it.

Allthingscat · 23/08/2016 12:16

Sounds like this is more about you being upset she's not into the things you want her to be into.

Yes, that's exactly what this is IMO.

Maybe it's not what you'd like her to have for an interest but you have to accept its what she enjoys and just leave her alone. Why don't you try watching some of this stuff with her instead of moaning about her and the shows?! You're calling it crap but I bet you've never watched much of it.

This ^^

maddiemookins16mum · 23/08/2016 12:18

I don't limit at all 😳😳. She plays games, watches videos, reads, looks up random things etc. She will spend sometimes an hour on it at a time then will appear in the kitchen and say she's off out to her pals house down the road (the iPad stays behind). She has been on it more these hols but normally she is not allowed before school, will have an hour or so after school, then takes it to bed at 9.pm for half an hour (I take it away at 9.30 to charge it, or she can go to bed at 8.30 and have an hour, she's currently watching the Anne of Green Gables series from the 80's in bed each night). I did look at her search history the other day (I know that's wrong) and she'd googled USA gymnastics leotards, rocky road bars and, wait for it, going to American Summer camps from kent 2017).

tireddotcom72 · 23/08/2016 12:19

Term time iPad is off at 9 and she reads until bedtime at 10 - sometimes earlier if she is tired.
Holidays weekends etc I find her mood improves with screen time as she isn't bored! She watches you tube blogs and chats on face time to her friends and she seems happy enough. Would rather she was doing that than roaming the streets.
She is turning 13 and is into amateur dramatics which fills Sunday's and couple of evenings if she is in a show. She is sweetness and light and a loving funny girl one minute and a vile little bitch the next! Nothing to do with you tube and screen time everything to do with teenage hormones!

EdmundCleverClogs · 23/08/2016 12:19

Why? Because it's not what you enjoy? I take it as a teen, everything you did as a hobby was intellectual and parent-approved?

Honestly, if watching makeup videos is the biggest gripe you have with your teenager, count yourself lucky.

jnh22 · 23/08/2016 12:29

I limit screen time, though I don't have teens yet. I think 2 hours is plenty. And yes, I limit my own screen time too as an adult!

OP, I agree that watching loads of crappy reality tv isn't great - though that may be her interests at the moment. There are so many other things that they can do and I think tv/internet is really habit forming - I know if I watch loads, I feel crappy and lethargic afterwards. Especially since their brains are still growing & they are so impressionable, I think it's much better for children/teens to not to spend so much of their time staring at a screen.

It's also good to develop healthy habits while they're young. I'm more than happy for my children to watch tv/play on the iPad after they've gone for a hike or a swim, etc.

HermioneJeanGranger · 23/08/2016 12:30

I'm 28 this year and grew up with the internet - okay it was painfully slow dial-up, but it was still the internet. She's not the first generation to be raised with screen access - it's just far better technology than it was twenty years ago.

And really, no phone from 6pm?! That's just daft. Would you restrict your own socialising like that?

Allthingscat · 23/08/2016 12:35

I had internet growing up too and I'm 28. By far not the first generation.

user1471441955 · 23/08/2016 12:36

I'm going against the grain- yanbu

2 hours sounds about right IMO on a school night

deadringer · 23/08/2016 12:38

My dd is 13 and i have no idea how much screen time she has, i leave it up to her. She is an avid reader and an excellent student so i just let her get on with it. During the holidays she goes to bed between 10 and 11, but when she is back at school i will send her to bed at 9 as she has to be up at 7 in the morning and she likes her sleep.

insan1tyscartching · 23/08/2016 12:39

She's not online when she's on the graphics tablet, it's more that she's transferring her drawings into computer imagery. She then saves them to her various folders. It's quite a long and meticulous process taking hours at a time.
She has never watched TV, a personal choice, and nothing to do with me because I like TV and there is a TV (her older sister's) in her room.
Dd is my youngest, I've never had strict screen time rules with any of them, Dd1 watched lots of TV and Ds3 played lots of computer games.
IME though it was their friends whose parents policed screen times that craved it and would want to do nothing but at our house.

Nevaehsmum · 23/08/2016 12:40

My children are 16, 18 and 20 so a bit old to limit screen time now so I don't, but I don't think I have have. I just feel like we're not in that sorta world anymore. A lot of things depend on the Internet and screens.

I used to just say no phones at the table and turn tv off and put phones down at a reasonable time.

iseenodust · 23/08/2016 12:41

DS is 12 and has no ability/desire to self-regulate over playing on phone/PS4 etc. In term-time the rule is no screen time Mon-Wed evenings except for homework. He has his phone at lunchtime & on the school bus so keeps up with his friends messages etc. He does sports clubs those evening too. The rest of the week & weekends the only rule is no screen after 8.30pm so there is an hour for his head to calm down before bed.

Mollypollywolly · 23/08/2016 12:49

I've never limited screen time and it worked out fine for us but if you feel the need to then do it. You obviously don't think you are being unreasonable so why post?

Boogers · 23/08/2016 12:51

DS is almost 13 and the only limits I have for his gadgets (tablet, phone, DS, xbox, tv, computer) is nothing to be used whilst we're having our family meal in the evening and all gadgets off by 9.30 on a school night, 10.30 on a Friday and Saturday. He's spent hours on his gadgets over this holiday but he's also taught himself how to play Somewhere Over the Rainbow on his ukulele and he's picked up a lot of chords and rhythms on his guitar just through using YouTube and other internet viewing, plus he's built all of the Olympic stadiums from 2008 onwards on Sketch Up, so even though he's had solid blocks of screen time he's been productive with it. I don't have a problem with DS's screen time.

Original poster
VioletBam · 23/08/2016 12:56

molly I honestly posted to get some idea of what others did...I'm really surprised at how much time other people let their 12-13 year olds online.

I think if she had some other hobby, I wouldn't mind half so much...people keep saying this is because I'm upset she's not into what I like but it's really not....I worry about her not having any other interest.

She reads less than she used to...she used to read a book a week...I feel as though as her interest in quite trite things on Youtube grew, so her interest in other stuff waned.

And I KNOW that she's growing and changing...so fine...but if she loves YouTube Vlogs and stuff, I'd support her in making her own...or in learning how to at least...but just mindlessly sucking up other people's nail tutorials etc....I can't see how it's ok.

OP posts:
Mollypollywolly · 23/08/2016 13:00

My daughter loved to read too, she used to buy a new book every week when we went shopping but as she got older she got less and less interested. It's just life, you're interests change.

If she's watching tutorials then she's learning surely?

You might be surprised but it's nothing odd. Some things work better for others and a lot of people find they have much nicer teens when they aren't limiting things.

user1471544305 · 23/08/2016 13:01

My children are now 28 and 23, I never monitored screen time, they adjusted themselves, they now don't even own TV's

Original poster
VioletBam · 23/08/2016 13:03

Molly but a lot of the stuff she watches aren't tutorials but those review vlogs.

Some teen talking about the latest hair accessory.

I will talk to DH about this...I think we're at a loss and so thought this was a good idea. But everyone on here seems to think differently.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 23/08/2016 13:07

Dd is 13 and is allowed as much screen time as she likes up to 9pm and then she has to go up to bed and all gadgets are plugged in to charge in the kitchen. She doesn't have to go to sleep at 9- she can sleep when she likes but she has no wifi in her room so she can watch her portable DVD player or read. We think that's the right balance at the moment really.

If dd didn't keep up with all the vloggers and Instagram stuff she would be completely alienated at school because that's ALL any of them are into, not just her friendship group, but everyone. Vloggers are the new pop stars for the teens, they are a huge part of teen culture.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/08/2016 13:07

Maybe she doesn't want to make a YouTube video. She just likes watching them.
My 13 year old DS watched pretty much every sodding Olympic event over the last couple of week....because he enjoys it. He doesn't want to DO it.

His "screen time" rules are

No device at dinner time
Phone downstairs at bedtime unless it's the weekend or school holidays.
When you play the PS4 put your sodding headphones in because I don't want to hear it all

MrsReiver · 23/08/2016 13:12

I don't limit his screentime. As long as his homework is done he's allowed on until 9.30 when it is turned off for bed at 10. When he was on holiday it was 11.30 for midnight (then he slept until midday - bliss!)

I did have concerns over it until last week when I overheard him talking to his friends on the Xbox. He started secondary school today, and the conversation I overheard was him confiding in his friends about things that are worrying him about high school. Most of his Xbox mates are 13 and started secondary last year so they were able to help him. The last thing I heard was him saying that they had made him feel a lot better. So yeah, not all bad Smile

Boogers · 23/08/2016 13:15

Violet some internet content baffles me and I can understand why you don't get why she likes watching it so much. DS likes watching YouTube videos of people opening packs on FIFA and opening packs of trading cards. DD (7) likes watching Dan TDM and Stampy, grown up blokes narrating someone else playing a computer game. I just don't get it, but they love it. They don't get why I like Judge Judy and Holby City. It's each to their own.

Does she actually do anything after watching the videos, like does she recreate the designs on her own nails?

Mollypollywolly · 23/08/2016 13:35

Some of it is shit I agree. My daughter likes to watch videos of people playing the sims and I'm just thinking why don't you actually go play the sims instead Hmm she has all the expansions packs, downloads loads of
Mods yet instead of playing she watches other people play.

It's what interests her though so even though I don't understand I just let her get on with it.