Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to this?

44 replies

RhiannonDontGo · 22/08/2016 21:49

Dh works Friday and Saturday nights, when his dd and ds stay I watch them on those nights. His ex has asked us to have them stay on a night that would usually not be our night so that she can go out for her birthday. I have already made plans to meet up with an old friend that night. Ds 15 months is staying with my parents that night. Ex won't let them stay on their own until I get home, probably about midnight at latest. Wibu to say no I am not cancelling plans I made months ago or is this what I signed up for?

OP posts:
chicknquack · 22/08/2016 21:50

would a babysitter or DH taking time off work be an option?

Original poster
RhiannonDontGo · 22/08/2016 21:55

A babysitter would be an option but it would be her weekend so up to her to sort. Dh can't take time off I am off work sick just now so our income is stretched already and he doesn't get paid for time off at the moment.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 22/08/2016 21:57

Ywnbu to say no at all! You've already made plans and sorted childcare!

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 22/08/2016 21:59

If its not a night that you would normally have them then I would say very reasonable for your DH to say to his ex 'very sorry but Rhianon is out that night and I am working so you will have sort out alternative childcare'

Cherrysoup · 22/08/2016 22:00

Just tell her no. Why should you change plans you've had for ages?

Inertia · 22/08/2016 22:01

Absolutely not unreasonable! The children's mum is not being unreasonable to ask whether a swap would work for you, but as you already have plans you can't help- mum needs to organise a babysitter.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 22/08/2016 22:01

Nope yanbu, you can take them if she pays but don't put a time restriction on yourself

DoreenLethal · 22/08/2016 22:02

I have already made plans to meet up with an old friend that night

So tell her that then. Why does her night out trump yours?

Fianceechickie · 22/08/2016 22:06

No yanbu, however I know if my DH was in this situation he'd want me to say I'd have them so he got to spend the time with them even if it was just that they'd be there in the morning. Also cos he wouldn't want to rattle the ex's cage and have her be able to say he'd turned down a night with them sigh

eightbluebirds · 22/08/2016 22:11

YANBU. BUT could your OH ask his parents to help or something? If she doesn't make a habit of it it doesn't hurt to be flexible

TaterTots · 22/08/2016 22:13

I've long since lost track with all the DS1, DSS2 and DPHIL and ex MIL business. Is it that hard to type?

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust · 22/08/2016 22:15

YANBU. She needs to arrange babysitters of her own.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/08/2016 22:52

YANBU. Has your DP asked you to cover the night for him?

Original poster
RhiannonDontGo · 22/08/2016 23:09

He said to her you will need to ask Rhiannon when we were at hers collecting the dsc one day. And I explained no sorry I am out that evening with an old school friend for a catch up

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 22/08/2016 23:20

You say that he won't let them stay on their own, how old are they and couldn't your Parents help out?

HeddaGarbled · 22/08/2016 23:23

You did the right thing and YANBU.

Original poster
RhiannonDontGo · 22/08/2016 23:24

No his ex won't let them stay on their own. They are 10 and 12.
No room at my parents, my mum sleeps downstairs on sofa always has done since she started suffering from a sore neck, my dad has his room, the main bedroom and my ds has his cot in their small spare room.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 22/08/2016 23:30

That's totally reasonable of you. Is anyone suggesting you aren't being reasonable?

BaronessBomburst · 22/08/2016 23:35

Why can't she get a baby sitter?

Original poster
RhiannonDontGo · 22/08/2016 23:45

I think she will Baroness, well she will have to if she wants to go out. But she moaned to Dh that I could go out anytime.. (Erm no I couldn't I have a baby, I get out with friends probably once every three months if that) plus my friend is only home for a fortnight before heading down south to see her dad.

OP posts:
Lilacpink40 · 22/08/2016 23:49

You're asked to do something you can't do...say "no".

MiddleClassProblem · 22/08/2016 23:49

Er... She could go out on one of her kid free weekends instead, the lemon

Italiangreyhound · 23/08/2016 00:04

You did not sign up to be an unpaid babysitter, her night out does not trump yours. You should not be expected to give up your night.

Re "Ex won't let them stay on their own until I get home, probably about midnight at latest." That's totally reasonable of her, the kids should not be there unsupervised if you are out, but it is her job to find a babysitter for them in her own home as it is 'her' night to have them.

Just be nice about it but firm, an old friend pre-arranged. Perfectly reasonable.

AdjustableWench · 23/08/2016 00:13

Unless the ex is a child (unlikely) she doesn't need to celebrate on the date of her actual birthday. A nearby weekend should be just as good. I'd say no in these circumstances.

dowhatnow · 23/08/2016 00:18

Compromise and say that you can't do the Saturday but you are happy to do the Friday - or the other way round.