To say no to this?

[RhiannonDontGo]

Dh works Friday and Saturday nights, when his dd and ds stay I watch them on those nights. His ex has asked us to have them stay on a night that would usually not be our night so that she can go out for her birthday. I have already made plans to meet up with an old friend that night. Ds 15 months is staying with my parents that night. Ex won't let them stay on their own until I get home, probably about midnight at latest. Wibu to say no I am not cancelling plans I made months ago or is this what I signed up for?

Tbh I don't want to do either night, it's my first baby free weekend in ages and I had planned to chill on the Friday night, do my tan, nails etc for going out on the Saturday, maybe get a takeaway and some wine and just enjoy having the house to myself. Selfish? Yes. But having recently been diagnosed with PND and anxiety, I have realised sometimes I need to do things just for me.

She's an adult. She doesn't have to go out on her birthday night, she can go out the weekend before or after - when she is childfree. It's ridiculous to ask you to cancel your plans.

Is there a reason she can't get a babysitter for the night?

Enjoy your weekend off!!!

You're not her childcare - the fecking cheek.

No this is not what you signed up for when you got in to a relationship with a man with a child- It does not involve cancelling your plans so that the children's mum can go out. You're not her free childcare.
Of course, you will probably get told you are "mean spirited" or something like that.

My sister's ex is a massive piss-taker in this regard. Constantly dumping her child on my sister, regardless of whether her ex is actually available to parent his child.

She needs to book a babysitter. Simple!

YANBU OP and I hope you enjoy your child-free weekend

Sorry, I mean my sister's partner's ex.

DH's ex does this all the time. She doesn't actually live with her dd (dsd lives with her grandparents, the ex's parents) yet she still asks dh to have dsd for'extras' all the time, the latest being, her parents are going on holiday for a couple of weeks in sept after the schools go back, it make sense for the ex to move back to her parents house for that fortnight and look after dsd, take her to school etc, but she doesn't want to, it'll cut into her valuable pub and fags time so she's invented a series of evening 'exams' which means that dh and dsd now have a complicated timetable of evening pickups from DH's mum, early morning handovers to school friends parents and four weekends in a row at ours - usually eow. That's fine but it's not the first time by a long shot. The ex has had so many'exams'and 'courses' that she must be the most highly qualified person ever now. Amazingly she's still doing the same job she's done for a few years, no promotions or pay rises to reflect all this training.
A cynical person might say that these courses and exams always fall during her parents holidays, when she might be asked to look after her own child for more that a day at a time.
Blimey. That turned into a rant. Sorry Op!
You're right, her night out does not trump yours. Get your dh to deal with it. You will not be available. That's it.

YANBU. She is though for moaning to your DH.

It is not selfish to have two nights to yourself after you have sorted a babysitter for your own child! Dont start on this road, it will take you places you really dont want to go.

'No' is a complete sentence. Use it!

I suggested doing the other night as a compromise but I didn't realise you were without the baby for both nights. Of course you shouldn't give up your precious baby free weekend. Enjoy it!

I wonder if the whole situation has been spelled out. I got the wrong end of the stick and thought it was reasonable to do one night. Has it been explained clearly to the ex that this is a one off for you and isn't likely to be repeated soon therefore there is no way you are giving it up?. I know you don't need to explain in so much detail, but it might be easier to.

And explain clearly about the friend only being available then.

By going into detail it may make for better relations in the future, though if you know she will still moan anyway, don't bother to waste your breath and just say no, not that weekend.

She expects you to cancel your plans and your childcare so you can be her childcare? Hell no! To be honest she can expect you to do whatever she wants, it's your husband who needs to support you and not tell her to ask you (wtf) he should have checked with you himself and given her a firm no!

RhiannonDontGo you don't need to explain what you are up to. It's her weekend, it's her problem. You would have helped out of it was a weekend that you hadn't had anything planned and she should be greatful for that as many don't have such helpful ex's dps to go to.

Dont start on this road, it will take you places you really dont want to go.

Agreed. YANBU OP. You've been diagnosed with PND, you have a new baby, you need to look after YOU. You're more than within your rights to make your own plans. I'm annoyed on your behalf! Let's hope your DH stands up to the ex, if he doesn't feel he can or doesn't see why it's a problem, then that needs to be nipped in the bud before it becomes a serious bone of contention between you.

You said no already, just leave it like that! I think DH has been a little unreasonable here too, I'm assuming he knew about your plans when she asked and he told her to ask you instead so he wouldn't look like the bad guy! It could have been a lot simpler if he'd just told her from the off.

What did she say when you said no?

If she asked you, you said no, then she said-ok, I'll get a babysitter or go out on a different night, then there's no harm done really.