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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if this is normal for a seven year old boy?

76 replies

Flamingo1980 · 22/08/2016 21:12

Had some friends to stay for the weekend with their kids and I am now curious about their sons behaviour. I'm not judging, or critising or being horrid before you flame me, I am just asking out of curiousity as I literally haven't known any seven year olds since I was, well, seven - and so don't know if this is what they all do. Or It may be a phase or it may be just him. Who knows. I don't.
I noticed quite quickly that he would only ever just talk obsessively and repetitively about his interests. As in, he never, ever stopped talking about guns, computer games, Boats and tanks. That was it. It didn't matter what was happening or who was saying what to him, he would just keep on talking and talking about those four topics. At no point did he show any personal interest in anyone else - didn't ask anyone questions about anything or anyone, didn't listen to anyone speaking to him or particularly show willing to interact. He wasn't badly behaved or anything, I was just a bit surprised at how unengaging he was. His voice pitch was almost falsetto and very monotoned.
I'm not going to pretend it wasn't all a bit annoying - it was - obviously, no one would enjoy that, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed this was normal for seven year old boys and so I tried (and others did too) to engage with him about other things but he would just carry on talking about guns etc like we wasn't there.
I guess I thought young boys might be a bit more interested in other humans and the world but maybe not?! You tell me!
I've just read that and it makes him look like he's on the spectrum. I don't think he is - I can't put my finger on why not, but It just seemed more that he's just a bit obsessed with his own things and just not interested in anything else anyone has to say. But maybe that's just kids for you!

OP posts:

SisterViktorine · 22/08/2016 22:14

At 7, if he is NT he is old enough to understand that not everybody find his interests fascinating and that people may not want to listen to him talk about that topic.

If he is NT and his mum has allowed him to think he can command every conversation he will pick up that message really quickly once it is presented.

If he has Asperger's he really won't understand that message and will continue to perseverate on his own interests. This is OK- those may be overwhelming and very comforting thought patterns for him. He would probably benefit a great deal from some social/ conversational training though, which needs to be done sympathetically and patiently.

HopperBusTicket · 22/08/2016 22:15

A man I know in his 60s can (or will) only talk about golf, cricket, motor sport and the branch of engineering he worked in. I don't suspect he's on the autistic spectrum. He just can't be bothered finding out what interests other people.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 22/08/2016 22:15

Spot on post baily, that's exactly right.

Passthecake30 · 22/08/2016 22:16

Mine isn't like that at all, quite the opposite as has nothing that interests him at all. He struggles to maintain concentration and I have to tell him 3 times to do something or clap to get his attention... He is away with the fairies (but it seems a nice place to be!)

bumsexatthebingo · 22/08/2016 22:18

I doubt it is due to 'indulgence'. I'm sure most parents make out like what their kids say is the best thing since sliced bread and it is good to encourage them to communicate. Typically children will pick up the to and fro of conversation from observing and taking part in everyday interactions but some children find it a bit more tricky.

Thelyingbitchandthewardrobe · 22/08/2016 22:34

I'm on the fence regarding the kids having SN. Our 7 year old doesn't do that, but has other equally awkward traits. It's a real time for learning.

bialystockandbloom · 22/08/2016 22:42

I wouldn't think it's down to 'indulgence' either (and why just from his mum btw? Presumably he's been at school for three years, and maybe has a dad or at least other family around? Always the mum who gets the blame! But that's separate, sorry for derail!). My point is that a primary carer eg mum will have big influence on behaviour, and as sisterviktorine said, his mum can help shape his behaviour, but she isn't responsible for personality. And obviously not for ASD if it is that.

Loads of behaviour which is seen as unacceptable (tantrums, whining, spoilt, bossy, selfish etc) can be reinforced by parents, but I don't think this is the same.

Tbh though I'm not exactly sure I understand what you wanted from this thread? If you do feel he is showing signs of ASD and wanted to know what to do, why not just say that?

grumpysquash3 · 22/08/2016 22:49

Grumpy his mum said to me she's worried she has 'indulged' (her word not mine) him too much but always acting fascinated in everything he says and letting him talk on and on no matter where they are or what they are doing.

One of my best friends who has 1 DS (9) says almost the same about her child. Her boy does whitter on a bit, talk in a silly voice etc. and expects her to be interested, but when he's with my DS (10) they take turns and have a normal conversation (mostly about stuff none of the adults are interested in, it has to be said).

Is your friends DS an only child? I think context is important!

Thegiantofillinois · 22/08/2016 22:54

I have one like this. It drives me nuts. He also flaps his hand when excited and I do wonder about ASD sometimes. His younger sister is much, much better at to and fro conversation, although I did read that younger siblings tend to be.

Lonnysera · 22/08/2016 23:07

Thegiantofillinois the flapping is absolutely consistent with ASD.

YouTheCat · 22/08/2016 23:26

He does sound like he's on the spectrum to me.

He may not appear nervous but kids with ASD are more likely to revert to favoured topics if they feel out of their comfort zone. I know my dd does still and she's an adult.

Engage with him and help him feel at ease.

Imaginosity · 22/08/2016 23:52

My DS has ASD but he is fully capable of showing genuine empathy. I don't like some of them points made above - as if people with autism have no feelings or something! My DS has all the feelings of any other person but he had weak social skills so doesn't communicate his feelings as well as others might.

DS might go on a bit about something that interests him and I remind him that it gets a bit boring for me after a while listening to the same thing. I tell him it would be nice if we spent a bit of time talking about what interests me or both of us. I think it's ok for me to do this with my DS but I don't know if I'd be comfortable with someone else who didn't know him the way I do trying to 'fix' his social skills for me. I might see it as interfering with DS when he is trying to relax. I don't constantly teach him social skills - sometimes he's allowed to do what makes him happy even if he does drone in a bit.

OP, I think you are overthinking this. I know lots of children with and without ASD and generally get quite bored in their company after maybe a few minutes. Maybe that's just me as i know some people love engaging with children. I only really have time these days for my own children. I be polite and make an effort for the sake of the child and their parent but I find it quite boring talking to them. I remember DH's 10 year old niece cornering me and showing me some petshop game on her tablet for ages and I had to pretend to be interested. That girl was very sociable but she was 10 so I didn't expect her to show the same concerns for my feelings as an adult might. I made allowances for the fact that she's a child.

Thegiantofillinois · 23/08/2016 07:50

Lonysera, I know. Trouble is, having been on autism/asd courses, I recognize aspects in me and both dc-but not enough I think. Dc 1 has obsessions and flapping; dc2 has a anxiety and sensitivty to stimulus. Doesn't seem to affect dc1 in every day life, so I'm just keeping an eye.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 23/08/2016 08:10

Imaginosity, absolutely and this is the problem with this thread, too much armchair diagnosis going on and too much judging.

Seems to me that none of that matters, none of it is op's business at all, unless her friends seeks/gets some sort of diagnosis. I can understand she was trying to work out why the child behaves as he does but actually, that's not the point.

Whatever the reasons for the behaviour op finds irritating, the real issue is how she chooses to deal with it.

BertieBotts · 23/08/2016 08:33

Mine does not have ASD but is an only child and although I have told him "I'm not interested in this" "I don't want to talk right now" etc he doesn't really seem to carry that over to the next time.

I'm not concerned about it, I think he's just really excited and/or curious about the thing and he doesn't seem to really get that just because he finds something interesting, other people might not. To him of course it's interesting! Therefore, we must all be interested too!

a8mint · 23/08/2016 08:58

I don't think it is necessarily a sign of anything wrong

a8mint · 23/08/2016 09:01

Nb kids conversation is not usually interesting to adults and vice versa

bumsexatthebingo · 23/08/2016 12:52

I don't think suggesting that it may be asd is giving an armchair diagnosis. It might be. It might not.

myownprivateidaho · 23/08/2016 12:59

This does sound a bit judgey to be honest. Why does it matter if it's "normal" or not? What difference would that make to you??

CancellyMcChequeface · 23/08/2016 15:15

I did this. I'm on the spectrum.

I also got upset if told not to talk about my special interests, because I'd been told that it was a social rule to listen and be polite to others even if they were talking about things you weren't interested in (and I at least attempted to do this!), so 'Cancelly, don't talk about trains' I always interpreted as deliberate rudeness.

Also used to revert to familiar topics much more if I was anxious or in an unfamiliar situation.

bialystockandbloom · 23/08/2016 21:48

shipwrecked my turn to second what you've said Absolutely spot on - doesn't matter whether the boy's behaviour is 'normal' (ha!) or not. Point is if OP finds it hard to deal with she needs to find a way to deal with it. He's only 7.

Cameron07 · 23/08/2016 21:57

Hi sorry to say sounds like asd esp the monotone bit, and the total absorption in his own world

Notcontent · 23/08/2016 22:05

I think other people's kids can often be rather irritating when you are exposed to them for any length of time... And I personally don't think it's helpful to be trying to make a "diagnosis". But that's just my view.

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 23/08/2016 22:27

It sounds normal to me. At 10 DS1 and his friends have suddenly started conversing like 'humans' eg. 'Did you have a nice day?' 'Yes thank you, did you?' For context I nearly fainted the first time my DS's friend replied like that, the sudden interest in my day, even if feigned, being a complete change from what was previously normal. Even DS1 is doing it now. Suddenly I have hope that we might have a year or so of conversing before the hormones kill it off again

Clankboing · 23/08/2016 22:36

Ishallconquerthat, I would agree with you about that. My ds has autism (aspergers) and can talk in a way described by the OP's 7 yo boy. He can now also listen, change subject, join in with other coversations, etc and responds well to prompts to pause his monologue! But this has taken time and hard work. I also have two other sons and a daughter. All three have rambling on and on moments but far less frequent and without that drone / tone. Most 7 year old boys have fascinations and enthusiasms but don't talk endlessly with a certain tone.

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