To ask if this is normal for a seven year old boy?

[Flamingo1980]

Had some friends to stay for the weekend with their kids and I am now curious about their sons behaviour. I'm not judging, or critising or being horrid before you flame me, I am just asking out of curiousity as I literally haven't known any seven year olds since I was, well, seven - and so don't know if this is what they all do. Or It may be a phase or it may be just him. Who knows. I don't.
I noticed quite quickly that he would only ever just talk obsessively and repetitively about his interests. As in, he never, ever stopped talking about guns, computer games, Boats and tanks. That was it. It didn't matter what was happening or who was saying what to him, he would just keep on talking and talking about those four topics. At no point did he show any personal interest in anyone else - didn't ask anyone questions about anything or anyone, didn't listen to anyone speaking to him or particularly show willing to interact. He wasn't badly behaved or anything, I was just a bit surprised at how unengaging he was. His voice pitch was almost falsetto and very monotoned.
I'm not going to pretend it wasn't all a bit annoying - it was - obviously, no one would enjoy that, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed this was normal for seven year old boys and so I tried (and others did too) to engage with him about other things but he would just carry on talking about guns etc like we wasn't there.
I guess I thought young boys might be a bit more interested in other humans and the world but maybe not?! You tell me!
I've just read that and it makes him look like he's on the spectrum. I don't think he is - I can't put my finger on why not, but It just seemed more that he's just a bit obsessed with his own things and just not interested in anything else anyone has to say. But maybe that's just kids for you!

[e1y1]

This sounds like Aspergers syndrome - of course, no doc here and can only go off what you have written, but it definitely sounds like one of the Asperger traits.

[e1y1]

www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms#1

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

therefore I should just suck it up

To be honest, I think you have to anyway. His behaviour maybe normal or aspergers but you'll risk losing a friend if you don't just suck it up.

[Letustryagain]

I have a 7 YO DNephew who is very much like this. In his case he's obsessed with Monster High and just talks about it all the time. He is currently being assessed through the school as he is at Reception level academically and is struggling very much socially. But he is exactly as you describe. He rarely responds to any questions and if he does, he moves it back to Monster High. Bless him.

[bumsexatthebingo]

Could have high functioning ASD or just an issue with reciprocal conversation. Either way there are ways of helping. Use their name ahead of speaking to them so that they know what you are saying is aimed at them. Cue changing subject so 'I loved hearing about that is it ok if I tell you about a boat I have been on now?' 'Is there anything else you'd like to know about it' then praise how you could tell they were paying attention to you. More for his mum to do really as it would probably look a bit PA if you started doing it.

[sleeponeday]

I don't want to just cut him out of my life because I don't know anything about seven year olds and it could be this is normal and therefore I should just suck it up!!

I'm a bit confused - if he has a disability, you'd cut him out of your life, but if he's "normal" you wouldn't? Despite the behaviour being identical either way?

When you say you're becoming closer to the mum, are you speaking friendship, or romantically? If the latter, then your attitude is less surprising.

[LolBeansandSalad]

Normal in my experience.

[YorkieDorkie]

It's so easy to jump to labels but if you condensed any excited child's day into a short paragraph then they'd all sound like they were on the spectrum!

Of course it's very possible he does have Aspergers but it's probably more likely that he just oblivious to anyone else and hasn't been taught to listen to other people.

[clam]

Hmm, I teach this age and I wouldn't say it was exactly "normal," or maybe "typical" is a better word. It's hard to comment really, without observing him in a range of situations, but children I've known who might exhibit these sorts of traits have often turned out to be on the spectrum, yes. Not always, but it's something to consider.

[Flamingo1980]

Ship wrecked you're right I should suck it up either way!! I guess I'm trying to assess whether to or even how to try to engage with him or just leave him to it and not interupt his flow!

[Flamingo1980]

Sleeponeday I was responding to someone suggesting I should see his mum on her own and so my response is I DON'T just want to cut him out of my life just because it's a bit tricky. As in I hadn't even considered doing so either way.

[HerdsOfWilderbeest]

My friend's 9 year old is like this with trains. He's Asperger's. I find what he has to say really interesting though - he knows a lot of routes and info. The family go on trips to York (his favourite station) quite a bit.

[IsItMeOr]

I think you are on the wrong track with asking whether this is normal for a 7 year old boy. From what his mum has told you it's clearly normal for him.

I would be asking his mum what you can do to have a more positive interaction with him.

DS is 7 with asperger's and while he can exhibit some of the traits you mention, he is generally charming company. Like everyone else he is learning the social rules, but slower than average because of his autism.

[Wheelerdeeler]

I have a 7 year year old and wouldn't tolerate that behaviour. It's rude not to listen. So I'm going against some here and say yes, I'd say he has symptoms of something. Possibly already diagnosed but his parents didn't share?

[bananafish]

Well, it might be best to pursue your friendship with this woman by seeing her alone, without her son tagging along as well? He could be on the spectrum, or just very interested in certain subjects.
But more than anything else, he's seven years old. That is still very young. If you find him annoying to such an extent, I doubt it you will find it gets any better and it's not nice for the child, either.

[Yorkieheaven]

Think we are far far too quick to judge Aspergers etc.

Look just look at every premier league football match this season and there are thousands abs thousands of men obsessed with their team at that time.
My lads were like this at that age and are borh obsessive one with spurt and the other with computer games

However both are empathetic and lovely and good dads and husbands. They compartmentalise their obsessions.

I honestly think it's a male trait. Expect a flaming but my dds arnt like this.

[grumpysquash3]

I spend lots of time with Beaver Scouts (age 6 and 7) and while most of them aren't good at empathy, they are OK at taking turns to speak, even if (for example) one talks about Pokemon and the other about trains. They rarely talk in a monotone. So it does seem like a conversation, if not by adult standards.
Also, they can be engaged/engaging. If I start a conversation about their favourite school dinner or game or what they did for their birthday, there is lots of involvement.
So I think the boy you describe is a little unusual. Does he have siblings or other children to interact with? Do his parents chat to him? Do they respond to him?

[Wheelerdeeler]

And if it is a condition then I would ask his parents how to interact better with him

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

I like bumsex's suggestions.

Personally, I would spend some time listening to him each visit and really showing an interest. He'll love you for it and so will his mum. And as he grows up, that'll really matter. Even if you really hate guns!

[AmysTiara]

Hmm doesn't sound typical to me but I'm no expert. Have two DS's neither were like this.

[Yorkieheaven]

And respectfully any 7 year old will show if he/she isn't interested in what you have to say. They may not be outright rude but they will show it as they are children.

Kind of wondering why a kids behaviour jars you do much? He's 7!

[Flamingo1980]

Grumpy his mum said to me she's worried she has 'indulged' (her word not mine) him too much but always acting fascinated in everything he says and letting him talk on and on no matter where they are or what they are doing. I think she wishes she had been a bit less so as he now doesn't seem to realise general rules of social engagement. But I didn't know if seven year olds just don't know that anyway which is why I'm asking on here for comparison.

[Faffbadger]

There's huge variation in what is normal, and in what ASD looks like. What probably matters most is whether the boy is being taught social skills - if his mother talks again about having "indulged" him, point out that what's done is done and what really matters now is how people engage with him to teach him reciprocal interaction.

I have an ASD diagnosis, but was very receptive to being taught how to do reciprocal conversation, eye contact, empathy, etc - once I left home, realised not everyone was like my parents (who each probably should have ASD diagnoses but won't get them at their age), realised I was out of step with the world, got the ASD diagnosis, and sought out help. The psychs whom I now see for anxiety and depression all think the ASD diagnosis was inappropriate... but I know how much I've changed in the last 15 years.

This makes interesting reading on how much it's possible to change - it references publicaitons about variation in ASD, efficacy of interventions etc.

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jcpp.12037/full

[bialystockandbloom]

Yes I agree with pp, I think either way you'd need to suck it up. And I'd probably just carry on as you would with any of your friend's children. If he engages you in a monologue just try and steer him into something different. If it doesn't work, hey ho, no biggie. Just treat him as any other 7yo boy imo.

I have to admit there are a couple of children I know (including those of very very good friends) I'm not completely enamoured with but you just suck it up. They're just kids.

If your op is more about wondering whether there's more to this than totally nt behaviour (rather than how to manage your friendship with his mum, or how to interact with the boy), my advice would be leave well alone until (if ever) such time his mum brings up the subject. None of us should be giving any third-hand armchair attempts at diagnosing.

[ishallconquerthat]

Sounds like ASD to me.

BUT I had my DS assessed for ASD and was told (by a very renowned expert) that we are supposed to TEACH them how to talk in turns, to greet people (instead of just start talking about whatever interest they have at the moment), etc.

So based on the info you provided, I'd risk saying that he MAY be on the spectrum, and that people need to be more understanding - but at the same time his mum and everyone else have to teach him proper social behaviour.

Some children who are high functioning are perfectly able to learn social behaviour. It doesn't come naturally, so they have to put more effort than other children - but they can learn.