DH has a bladder condition which makes it hard to pass urine. His urethra can spasm and "block" so he can have times where he can't pass urine at all. Often he can be going to the toilet every 10 minutes to try and clear a blockage, he's been hospitalised twice in the last year with the condition.
I was a SAHM for awhile, but DH was offered the opportunity to have the problem fixed by operation, so as he would only get SSP, I got a job to cover nursery fees for our DD and the rest of the bills minus his SSP. I work 3 days in the week and 1 at the weekend, DH is supposed to work 5 days.
I've been working now for 3 months but DH refuses to go back to the consultant to discuss having the operation and his condition is just getting worse.
In the last 3 months he's had 16 sick days, with a further 6 days over weekends when he wouldn't be working taken up by this condition. His work at unaware of what's wrong with him so he lies saying he's got a sickness bug or a cold, which is making the situation a whole lot worse. He doesn't get paid if he's off so I'm picking up the slack and having to work an extra day in the week, I'm also having to call in favours from family and friends with DD (14months) as she needs picking up from nursery two nights a week while I work late plus the extra day I'm picking up she needs to be cared for. It's meaning my mum having to go 5 miles out of her way twice a week to pick DD up from nursery (so an extra 20miles a week) and friends/neighbours having to look after her on the other days. People were happy to help for the 2/3 weeks he'd be on bedrest only after his op, and then for the 4-5 weeks after that before he could return to work I was going to pick up the extra day and nursery were going to have DD and arrange collection and drop off, they currently don't have room for her on the other day a week (the more days she does the cheaper the per day rate is). But this is taking the p out of our friends and family, particularly as I'm not allowed to say what the problem is. I'm fed up.
I can't even leave him with DD for 20 minutes while I pop to the shop as he can't stand still or bend down or do anything to help her, so I either have to take her with me, or make sure she's asleep and there's no chance she'll wake. How is it fair?
I've begged, I've pleaded, and I've written down how I feel. He just says it's worse for him. I know it's an embarrassing problem, particularly as it's generally diagnosed in men in their 60's not their 20's, but I just can't go on like this, I'm making compromise after compromise but he's doing nothing to help himself.
AIBU to give him the ultimatium that he either sorts himself out or I'm leaving?