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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about the extra washing?

42 replies

Adie5 · 22/08/2016 10:18

My DH is a keen sportsman in his spare time...just football and running in our local park. So say 4/5 times a week lots of extra sweaty washing to do!!! I'm a SAHM so all washing etc falls to me. Now I'm getting annoyed and don't know if I'm being unreasonable. My point is I don't expect him to clear up after anything I choose to do in my leisure time and his activities create additional work for me. We have 5 children aged 5 to 13 so my machines pretty much on all the time as it is!!
Yesterday he went running with DS and Dd and the dog so created 3 more outfits for washing and then proceeded to use 4 towels for the dog and leave the bathroom in a state after washing the dog in the bath, which I had scrubbed spotless on Saturday. I was livid that then my Sunday afternoon was spent washing and recleaning the bathroom. He thinks I should appreciate he's encouraging the children to be fit and healthy (and I do!) But I think he should consider the extra work he's creating for me.
In fairness they do put everything in wash baskets etc. Maybe just because it's the holidays and already workload is high due to having all the children off school. AIBU? He asked what I wanted him to do about it and I didn't know?

OP posts:
antimatter · 22/08/2016 10:22

He should clean bathroom for a start. Then ask you when he can put washing in. Hang it afterwards and fold when dry.
Is that too much to ask of him?

c3pu · 22/08/2016 10:34

Divvy out the chores a bit more effectively.

"Darling, please could you put the washing on while I clean XYZ?"

Only1scoop · 22/08/2016 10:37

Why do you 'do everything'?

Is he unable to work the washer?

How disrespectful to leave the bathroom for you to clean. Your DC must think this is the norm. How sad.

Sirzy · 22/08/2016 10:37

No reason that when he gets in he can't put the stuff into the washing machine and switch it on. If he doesn't know how to then give him a lesson in how to, and the older children at the same time!

phillipp · 22/08/2016 10:38

I do all our washing.

Both me and dh work, so household chores are divided 50:50.

But to be honest I wouldn't be saying 'I am not doing this bit of house work because it's related to your leisure time'

I do the washing, so I do what washing there is to do.

Dh does our cooking. He wouldn't say 'I'm not cooking dinner because you have a friend over and it's for your leisure time'

Or tonight I am at my hobby at dinner time. There will be a plate made up for me. He wouldn't not cook for me while doing the his and the kids dinner, because I was out at a hobby

But I suspect that this is actually about him not doing much around the house at all?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/08/2016 10:38

Why can't he strip off by the washing machine and then add to his sweaty kit to make up a full load?

phillipp · 22/08/2016 10:39

And of course he should clean the bathroom.

AddictedtoGreys · 22/08/2016 10:42

He should have cleaned the bathroom atleast IMO. If he was off work yesterday as was Sunday then he should be doing a share of the household chores. When do
You get a "day off"?

AddictedtoGreys · 22/08/2016 10:43

He should have cleaned the bathroom atleast IMO. If he was off work yesterday as was Sunday then he should be doing a share of the household chores. When do You get a "day off"?

Griphook · 22/08/2016 10:43

Well he's also teaching the children that you have no value and will just tidy up after everyone.

It's his mess why should you tidy up the bath?

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2016 10:46

I wouldn't have a problem with the washing (I like doing laundry!) unless there's a problem drying it in bad weather.

But there is no excuse for leaving the bathroom in a state. He should have cleared up thoroughly after.

And when he's home, other chores should be shared, not left to you.

Somerville · 22/08/2016 10:51

He needs to put on a load of laundry along with his sweaty kit.
And while you're at it, explain that putting on a load also means hanging up the wet load that is in the machine already. Or putting it in the tumble dryer and folding up any dry washing that's already in the dryer.

Being a SAHM should only mean that you do all the housework that you have time for while he's at work. Not that you do everything, 24/7.

DoreenLethal · 22/08/2016 10:53

He asked what I wanted him to do about it and I didn't know?

Put the clothes and towels in the machine and reclean the bathroom. Why didn't you know what you wanted him to do about it?

DrSeuss · 22/08/2016 10:59

Just stop doing it!
"Where's my clean kit?"
"Did you wash any?"
"No."

QED!

JudyCoolibar · 22/08/2016 11:03

So basically he gets to do what he enjoys with the kids and you get to do the drudge work to enable it. You need to discuss with him the fact that there's a massive imbalance there which needs to be sorted out. Do you get any time to pursue your interests while he looks after the children?

SapphireStrange · 22/08/2016 11:06

Do you get any time to pursue your interests while he looks after the children?

This is the key point IMO.

And phillipp's analogy doesn't fit; making five extra loads of washing a week, plus towels, plus messing up the bathroom, is rather more extreme than occasionally having to cook a bit of extra dinner if someone has a friend over.

willconcern · 22/08/2016 11:07

Can't he use a washing machine? Or a sponge?

midsummabreak · 22/08/2016 11:15

Did his mother ever get him to leave a room as he found it, clean a bathroom or wash his own clothes... Prob not is my guess

iKeepDancingintheDark · 22/08/2016 11:20

I'm a SAHM so all washing etc falls to me

Shouldn't that read...

"I'm a SAHM so all childcare falls to me while my DH is at work*?

Don't see what SAHM has to do with washing?!

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/08/2016 11:22

You make the mess, you clean the mess.

That should apply to everyone in the household (at the level appropriate to their age).

It is weird that you didn't ask him to clean the bathroom. Did it really not occur to you?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 22/08/2016 11:23

And phillipp's analogy doesn't fit; making five extra loads of washing a week, plus towels, plus messing up the bathroom, is rather more extreme than occasionally having to cook a bit of extra dinner if someone has a friend over.

I was going to say that, it's more like cooking for an additional four/five cooked meals a week, rather than just doing the same as what you already were for the benefit of an extra person.

shovetheholly · 22/08/2016 11:31

If he has time to go running, he has time to do the extra washing and cleaning that it entails.

You do the basics, he does the extra he creates.

And don't fall for any crap about him not being as able to clean the bathroom well as you can. There is no gene on the Y chromosome that makes men less attentive to household details than women. It's a ruse to get out of doing the work, one that is supported by generations of men who have thought drudgery beneath them, but just fine and dandy for their mothers, sisters and wives. Since you have a DD, suggest that he role models for her as a male as well as as a fitness guru.

SuburbanRhonda · 22/08/2016 11:34

I have the same situation with DH and his cycling gear. We've divided up the domestic duties in a way we're both happy with and I do the washing. But if it doesn't make it to the linen basket it doesn't get washed.

NeedAnotherGlass · 22/08/2016 11:35

He should absolutely clean up after himself. There is no excuse for leaving the bathroom in a mess.

And he should be able to strip off his sports wear and put it in the washing machine.

Why are you doing ALL of the cleaning? Even if you do most of it, he should be doing some.

FusionChefGeoff · 22/08/2016 11:36

Sod that - any of DH sports kit (and there's a lot in this house) gets washed by DH. Mainly because it's so mingling I refuse to put it in with normal family washing.