I'm so mad but I know ibu

[Pippa12]

DH went to out today with distant friends, I'm at home with 4&2 yr old and a 5 month baby. He left at 10am and said he would let me know what train he was catching home. Wouldnt be late as working early. Then radio silence, all day. 3 friendly msgs and then 3 phone calls unanswered. Upset kids as they wanted to see/speak to Dad before bedtime. Text DH bf's wife and found out train times. Eventually he rang, told me he was catching the train now, what my problem? He said he'd ring with train time and he was telling me he's catching it now. A few crossed words but eventually fine. Not returned still- he's got train home and now in local. I know he's a grown man and I'm normally laid back but I'm furious! He has a history of disappearing off the radar. This is mild but I'm so angry!!!

On reflection, and to be fair, I also think all these people saying "lock the door so he can't come home drunk" and "when I go out I come home early and sober" are being a bit mean and possibly even martyrish. Why can't he go out and get a bit pissed and be allowed the spontenaiety of staying longer if he's having fun rather than being bound to an arbitrary time? Obviously drinking problems and other bad behaviour aside, and as an occasional, not every weekend and not where it will be spoiling other plans.

But on the rare occasions I go out, I want the freedom to stay later than I thought if the mood takes me, or to get a bit tipsy and roll home late and - shock horror - have a lie in to nurse my hangover in peace. It's not really on to insist someone gives you an ETA before they've gone out when they don't really know when they'll want to get back, then getting pissy if it turns out to be wrong.

None of the above is an excuse for selfish or unreasonable behaviour, and doesn't apply to problem drinkers but in usual circumstances, I actually think on reflection for an occasional night out YABU to expect him to stick to a pre-arranged train time or to keep you up to date in blow-by-blow detail of when he might be leaving.

I will admit both DH and I are the type that says bye I'm off to X and will be back at about Y or say I don't have a clue when I will be back and never text between times but we are not bothered by it. We have even gone abroad with work etc and been out of contact for a couple of days and he buggers off to places that are a bit dangerous and hard to contact such as being in a canoe on the Amazon. So for me it wouldn't be a problem.

We are very independent of each other to an extent that many seem horrified and yes we do have DC. Will admit if DH sent me 3 texts when I'm out it would piss me off like he was checking up on me.