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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to thinks it weird to be invited for dinner then host it in my house?!

45 replies

finlayargyle · 20/08/2016 13:11

My sister invited myself, DH and 2 kids over for BBQ at her house. We were invited over a week ago. The weather today isn't great so she's making pulled pork instead. She's now told me her 19 year old daughter is having friends round for drinks and it might be a bit of a squeeze and could we have it in our house and she'll bring the food over.

DH is cross - he thinks why bother asking us and we now have to get house 'visitor' ready and do the clean up.

I agree but don't want to cause an argument with sis.

AIBU to say no to having it at ours?

OP posts:
alicemalice · 20/08/2016 13:13

Oh I had this...'My child would love to have a playdate with your child next week. Is it ok if we host it at your house?'

Shizzlestix · 20/08/2016 13:14

Just ask her to postpone. Wtf, her DD is having people over on the same day?? Hope she tells her DD to shove it if her BBQ arrangement was first.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/08/2016 13:14

Just say no if you don't want guests at your house.

TheGruffaloMother · 20/08/2016 13:14

I suppose it depends on your family. It wouldn't bother me at all I'd it was a family member but it would be a bit off from anyone else.

TheGruffaloMother · 20/08/2016 13:15

*if

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/08/2016 13:16

A few years ago I had this.

My Mother was having a birthday party but didn't want to host it at her place so assumed we'd have it at ours 'because your garden is bigger and can fit more people in'.

MangoBiscuit · 20/08/2016 13:16

If you don't want to hold it at yours, then your allowed to say no. If my house was a tip (which is really is at the moment!) then I'd be saying something like "Oh no, I'm afraid it's impossible to host at ours today, I'm in the middle of a clear out and we have stuff everywhere. There's no way I could clear enough space for everyone in time."

Either postpone, or squish in. Your DSis double booked her house, not you. If you can help without bending over backwards, great, but you're not obliged to.

MangoBiscuit · 20/08/2016 13:17

*you're

TheSpottedZebra · 20/08/2016 13:19

Is it just your families, or are there others?
I'd not bother getting the house 'visitor- ready' for my sister.

PeppasNanna · 20/08/2016 13:22

Really Zebra?
I would tidy up if anyone came to my house regardless.

I would politely decline your sisters 'invite' Op.

WorraLiberty · 20/08/2016 13:23

It's a bit cheeky, she should have just cancelled or told her DD it's not convenient.

On the other hand, I can't imagine ever feeling I need to get 'house visitor ready' for any member of my family.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/08/2016 13:26

I don't think she's done anything wrong in asking. You can either say you don't mind it being a bit of a squeeze, and carry on with the current plans, or you can postpone it all, or you can let them come to yours.

It would probably feel just as odd if you'd turned up to find the house full of 19 year olds, so at least this way you are prepared and involved in choosing the solution.

StealthPolarBear · 20/08/2016 13:28

This wouldn't bother me, especially if she's your sister.
I'd find it a bit odd if I was invited somewhere fairly formally but ime this is normal

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 20/08/2016 13:34

Agree with pps - it wouldn't bother me if it was family as I'd just do the bare minimum tidy up. Also agree though, that if you don't want visitors just say so. Ask her to postpone. Her fault for letting DD have friends over on a day she was meant to have visitors really. Maybe they'd like to eat the pulled pork!

Benedikte2 · 20/08/2016 13:42

I agree with the other posters -- be assertive and say not its just not convenient at such short notice and can you postpone.
Sounds as if they are expecting a number of guests if there won't be room together with Their DDs friends.
Good luck

Original poster
finlayargyle · 20/08/2016 13:43

I'm inclined to just have it at ours but hubby is raging about it and feels we've been dumped over niece's plans. He's saying basically to tell them to shove it. It's tense before its even started!

OP posts:
Original poster
finlayargyle · 20/08/2016 13:44

Sis living room isn't very big. It could really only hold 4 adults and 2 kids comfortably

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 20/08/2016 13:44

I've cooked in other people's houses quite a few times. Never thought it was odd... just worked around who had the best kitchen, most seats, biggest garden, parking spaces, kids to be catered for... I just like cooking for large groups of people.

I get invited back, so I hope they aren't just being polite!

Chippednailvarnishing · 20/08/2016 13:45

"sorry we aren't ready guests right now"

And leave it at that. I'm with your DH, I'd be very cross.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/08/2016 13:50

Maybe nieces plans were planned first, and they thought this would be okay because you'd be in the garden having a bbq so they could have the house?

It might not be that you've been ditched for her plans at all. I'd imagine if the bbq was planned first, your sister would have kept to that plan and got your niece to reschedule.

Princecharlesfirstwife · 20/08/2016 13:54

i think your dh 'raging' is way over the top. Your sister is the normal one in all this. It would be utterly of no consequence in my family.

GoEasyPudding · 20/08/2016 13:58

Saying no is so easy. Try it, it feels good.

When done, go to M&S and choose a naughty picnic style lunch to cheer yourself up and to make up for missing BBQ meat expectations.

GabsAlot · 20/08/2016 14:12

i dont think its normal to dump everything last minute on someone

i couldnt cope with something like that

CheesyWeez · 20/08/2016 14:27

I'd tell her your house is not visitor-ready (pp's 'having a clearout' excuse was good) and suggest you go to hers for tomorrow lunch instead

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 20/08/2016 14:30

I can see why your dh is pissed off.

I think I would say no - and make up an excuse about doing a sort out at the moment, house is untidy etc

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