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Original poster

To wish my two teenagers were toddlers again?

76 replies

CrabbyJo · 19/08/2016 22:24

I have a nearly 15yr old DS and nearly 13 yr old DD. Both are lovely of course and I'm very proud of them and the young adults they're turning into. But recently I've been really down, bordering on depressed based on the fact they're growing up. I keep going through photos and watching home videos from when they were little and just feel utter sadness that all that period is over. Of course I knew they'd grow up and they still bring me lots of happiness but I just can't help feeling so so sad that the having small children phase of my life is over.
Does anyone or has anyone felt like this?

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 19/08/2016 23:45

Mine are 2 and 4. I don't know what I'm doing!

Life is noisy and chaotic as they don't stop moving or talking and there are the tantrums, etc, but they are adorable and so cuddly and loving. It is very tiring and full on as they don't let me out of their sight, but I am the centre of their world and their needs are very simple. I don't want the 2 year old to grow up (we aren't having any more). She says 'I not a baby, I a toddler!' any my heart breaks at her lovely little face.

Original poster
CrabbyJo · 19/08/2016 23:46

Don't feel guilty. We all need a break sometimes and the reason I feel so nostalgic is probably because I know, at the time, that it can all get on top of you and like most things, it's only after these periods of our lives are over that we appreciate the good times. I definitely had times where I was stressed and just wanted time to myself. I'd just like to revisit the good bits haha.

OP posts:
LavenderRains · 19/08/2016 23:47

I get you op. Mine are all grown up now and funnily enough DS and I were talking tonight about the little bed he used to have that I used to have to share with him cos he was scared. And how he used to make 'special things' for me all the time out of empty boxesHmm
Nowadays I get this..............Grin

To wish my two teenagers were toddlers again?
Fairylea · 19/08/2016 23:49

I have a 13 year old and a 4 year old. I had my 4 year old mainly because dd was growing up and I felt as you did op! Then I got the toddler stage all over again, and now he is becoming older too- although still my little one. It is so hard, I love all the ages to be fair but there is something special about the closeness of a young child, the way you are the centre of their world, the physical closeness they crave from you and the simple ways of it all. When they get to 13 it's all about social media, friends, make up and so on. It's nice, but different.

I can't watch Toy Story 3 without crying my eyes out at the ending where he hands over his toys / childhood to the little girl and drives away... Sad

Original poster
CrabbyJo · 19/08/2016 23:50

LavenderRains Grin love that!
My daughter tagged me in this on Facebook

To wish my two teenagers were toddlers again?
OP posts:
Original poster
CrabbyJo · 19/08/2016 23:54

Fairylea oh no I'm going to have to watch that now!

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 19/08/2016 23:57

Oh God, this is awful! I really want a 4th and this is making me even more broody. MrGobbo is saying no but could be persuaded, I think....

No - we can't. Oh but a lovely squishy newborn....waaaahh!

Original poster
CrabbyJo · 20/08/2016 00:06

I'd definitely have another if I could!

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/08/2016 00:57

I am so tempted. DH is worried about paying for uni!

Absofrigginlootly · 20/08/2016 01:39

ImperialBlether You're right, I need to make the most of now and just look back with happiness.

If I can very gently and with complete kindness, understanding and sympathy, give you all a gentle slap Smile

Please try and do what you have said above OP.

As the DD of a DM who poured her whole identity into being a mother I was made to feel that every stage of development I achieved was a slight against her. That I was somehow being disloyal, disobedient or ungrateful simply by growing up. My achievements felt mourned rather than celebrated as it was always viewed under the guise of what she was loosing, how her life was changing for the negative, how she was loosing her sense of purpose. It saddled me with a heck of a lot of guilt and negatively affected my life decisions.

My MIL is similar in that motherhood was her defining achievement in life and she is now very negative, jealous and bitter.

Your children did not ask to be born, they are merely on loan to you.

Please please please don't allow your sadness at times changing to influence how you communicate or interact with your DC. Celebrate them and rejoice in them growing up

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 20/08/2016 08:03

Yes, actually it's easy for me to say as mine are still young but I love seeing them growing up. Each stage is exciting and different so far and hopefully a step further to more lie ins and some semblance of getting my career back. Also anyone who misses the walk to school, have a look out at prime school walk time if you like; you'll see my three year old constantly asking to be carried while I drag their scooter in the hope they will use it more and my poor back won't do all the work. So may parents doing the same or wrestling tantruming toddlers into buggies etc. Lots of fun Grin.

heron98 · 20/08/2016 08:10

It's funny, my mum said the other day how glad she and my dad were that we'd "finally grown up" and they can "have a proper conversation with us" (we are 35 and 33!). I don't think they miss our childhoods very much Grin

Original poster
CrabbyJo · 20/08/2016 11:13

I've never expressed to my DC that I'm mourning the stage where they were both little. They have no idea the sadness I feel and would never tell them.

OP posts:
MermaidTears · 20/08/2016 13:12

op I 100% get this and know I will be like this in ten years time!

Puppy??? Grin

Original poster
CrabbyJo · 20/08/2016 13:41

MermaidTears I think I'd rather have another baby than a puppy lol but it's a good idea. Might make the DC want to be seen in public with me too to walk it haha.

OP posts:
Floisme · 20/08/2016 13:53

I get what you mean op. But I have to say my son is 18 and just coming out of the not-wanting-to-be-see-with-his-parents-stage and he's enormous fun. I just love having a proper conversation with him and realising what a dry sense of humour he has and how he knows more than I do about the Middle East. He'll be off soon and I'll miss him terribly but I'm really excited for him too.

But it doesn't mean I don't really miss the baby/toddler years sometimes. And for god's sake if we can't say so on a parenting forum, where can we say it?

Original poster
CrabbyJo · 20/08/2016 14:17

Thank you Floisme Smile

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 20/08/2016 14:33

My last one has just left home - and, yes, I've redecorated in neutral shades (no longer need to cover the fingerprints), and put proper ornaments on proper shelves (no fighting to knock everything off).

Do I miss those baby years? Sometimes, but only a bit. I think, having been a single mum for most of their growing up years, I found it a downright slog for a lot of the time - their father wasn't the most 'hands on' parent, and would often leave me to manage all five when they were poorly (or I was), even when we were together.

But now...now they take me out for meals and we chat over wine about random stuff, or they help me out by walking the dogs whilst I'm at work. And I've got two grandsons if I want a baby-cuddle. There are good points about all ages, I think is what I'm saying. Little ones are cuddly but so damn needy, older ones don't need you as much, but are better company. And when I think I miss them, I just look around my impeccable walls and my unstained throws and my tidy kitchen and think 'nah'.

But I did get a puppy...

Absofrigginlootly · 20/08/2016 14:39

I wasn't saying you can't say that you miss those days or feel sad about it.

I was just cautioning about keeping it in perspective and not allow those feelings to take over and to wallow in them.

I'm not saying that you are doing that, just cautioning against it.

As you said yourself upthread OP you needed to be reminded to make the most of now. Smile

Original poster
CrabbyJo · 20/08/2016 16:14

Absofrigginlootly I definitely see what you're saying. I'm trying to snap out of the wallowing today lol

OP posts:
secretfreckle · 20/08/2016 22:32

I always remember a work colleague with teenagers saying to me when mine were younger, "The problem is, you can only enjoy each stage retrospectively" and it's so true! At the time, you are just surviving.

Having said that, I always cry at 'Slipping Through my Fingers' on Mamma Mia and 'When She Loved Me' from Toy Story 2 ...

Masketti · 20/08/2016 22:44

I have a 3.5 year old and a 14 month old so I am living your dream at the moment...only it feels like hell!

DH and I were talking earlier about when we could leave them in the house for the evening without a babysitter while we went out. 11 & 13 was my guess (but I said I'd ask MN Grin) so we're dreaming about things 10 years in the future!

I think it's fair to say the grass is always greener.

biggles50 · 21/08/2016 09:33

Ah I felt like a tad like this a couple of years ago, with kidults in their 20s and a teenager until I started childminding two preschoolers. Think I'd forgotten the hard work! But they are very cute and snuggly. I love the banter with my adult children and how we can spend time together in each other's homes. I love who they are now and will love being a grandma. Look after yourself and relish the spare time doing stuff that you enjoy.

RachelRagged · 21/08/2016 09:54

Hi OP Flowers for you .

I know how you feel . I too become nostalgic and sometimes tearful in fact at the fact those years will never come again . My youngest children's childhood was not great , due to the area and place we lived and some of the people there, and there is anger there too from me, , how dare they ? kind of anger .
They do grow fast and we do not realise how fast it does go.

Madhairday · 21/08/2016 09:55

Oh yes Toy Story 3 always makes me blub.

Mine are 15 and 12 now. I sometimes have moments where I think back on when they were little and get a bit emotional. The other day DD was looking through the car CDs and found one of their childhood CDs. She wanted to listen to it to be ironic or something. Hmm but when it was on I could hear their childish little voices clear as day in my mind, belting out the tunes and I was sobbing a little bit. They thought it was very funny.

I've loved every stage and this one is brilliant. The conversations we have! Love that DD is passionate about politics and animal rights. But I miss the snuggles, the little hands in mine, the way little faces lit up on Christmas Eve, Days out at farms. In all reality though when we were doing those things it was hard work and there was never a break. It could get relentless and it's easy to forget that.

But them growing up into their own person is the biggest privilege of all.