to am i being unreasonable to say a big fat NO to ex?

[mummyneedssupport]

Ex has moved 3 hours away after promising to get a house locally so that he can see the kids for his '4 nights a month'. Now he wants to stay in my house when I'm away and look after our kids there. BIG FAT NO!! I have worked hard to create a new identity in the house and I don't want to have the kids associating him with our space. He says that if I say no, he won't be able to have them if they refuse to travel to him on the train on his weekends. Please tell me that I'm right to stick to my guns and keep my space mine with the kids? He is, btw very well off and could easily afford a flat near us at the least for the sake of his relationship with our kids.
Argh....

Urgh it sounds like this is really about territory-marking, trying to take over your space and invade your privacy - as well as saving money I suppose.

No no no! He can fork out. He doesn't have to own a property – he could get a hotel for his visits (with space for them too) or an aparthotel.

Anyway, don't feel it's your job to make him have a good relationship with the DC - they're teenagers, and he's obviously a humongous twerp which they can't fail to realise sooner or later. If their relationship with him declines it's because of his failure to be there for them properly, it's not your fault. He's just trying to pin it on you.

You're absolutely right to tell him no. I'd also go through the CSA (or whatever is called now), give them the accurate details of how often the kids stay overnight and force the fucker to pay what he should be doing.

I am so ANGRY that so many women are put through this shit by crappy men who refuse to step up and support their children.

(And yes I know women do this too sometimes, but nowhere near as often. Those that do are equally as bad).

Just tell him if they spend the night here it doesn't count in his 52 nights for maintenance purposes and he will owe you more money.

No way on Gods earth would I allow that - what a twat!

I wouldn't even discuss it with him..Let me know when you have got somewhere to stay to see the kids..

How sad though he is desperate to see them to reduce maintenance...

Sounds like you all have a great bond ... nothing he can ever buy.

No. Ugh!
Selfish git

Feel reassured that I need to stand firm and not give in any more. He needs to put a lot of effort in now. As he's normally used to taking any short cut to obtain a result, this will be a test to see if he is worthy enough to call himself a father. Thanks all. Really appreciate your support xxx

I'm late to the party... As someone else said... His poor parenting choices aren't your responsibility.... Yes he doesn't 'owe' you BUT he certainly owes your kids...

Yup! he can fuck right off!!