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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this comment was unnecessary

95 replies

Bombaypie · 19/08/2016 15:38

Having pub lunch at our local with DH and the children, 3 and newborn baby.

DD(3) has been swimming with DH all morning and I've been on a cluster feeding marathon with the baby since 5am. Hence we are all pretty tired.

DH technically working this afternoon, so was sending some emails on his work phone. I was on MN on my phone. Baby asleep and DD happily occupied on the iPad playing a children's game while we waited for our food to come.

A woman walks past on her way out for a cigarette, stops at our table and rolls her eyes, saying "the modern family" sarcastically, before walking out.

It just felt so mean and judgemental of a tiny snapshot of our day. I don't think we spend excessive time on our phones etc, and DD had colouring books and reading to keep her entertained as well- but it made me feel self conscious for the rest of the meal.

OP posts:

hazeyjane · 19/08/2016 20:35

This thread is reminding me of pub trips when I was young, my sister and i would be shoved into a brightly lit childrens room, where there was a ping pong table with no net, a broken table football, some chairs and a handful of unfriendly looking big kids, who we were terrified of. Or we had to sit in the car.Oh for the good old days eh!

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 19/08/2016 22:34

Yep hazey I remember three of us having to sit in the car nursing a lime and lemonade and Golden Wonder cheese and onion crisps whilst arguing incessantly. Good times.

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 19/08/2016 22:43

m.youtube.com/?gl=DE#/watch?v=l3NmVLYR5pg

"Feel so social" = Familie Kimmy on a Friday night

ProfessorBranestawm · 19/08/2016 22:48

I'd like to think I'd have just tutted right back at her, "Smokers" or something :o but I am a wimp

bumsexatthebingo · 19/08/2016 22:55

I actually would be a bit judgey if I saw a family out for a meal all buried in books ignoring each other. Mealtimes are social occasions imo and a good time for kids to learn social skills. Would you sit absorbed in a book if you went for a meal with your dh or friends?
I'm certainly more judgey about screens though as so many people use them excessively to babysit kids and a lot of kids have become so used to being entertained by constant sounds and flashing screens that their attention suffers as a result. I've been out for the day with kids who need a phone to play on on the bus on the way to the park then get to the park and play a bit (all the while pestering to play on the phone) then lunchtime they need a phone to keep them quiet then again on the bus ride home. I find it hard not to wonder what's wrong with a game of I-spy instead of using Ipads/phones as babysitters all the time? Or even just sitting and chatting seems too much hassle when they can be given a phone to shush them up. Then the same parents wonder why their kids need constant entertainment and can't sit still for 2 seconds!
The op has said that she doesn't overuse the Ipad but I imagine smokey woman is used to the scenario I describe. She should have kept it to herself though obviously.

TheDowagerCuntess · 19/08/2016 23:00

I don't think eating out is an event for anyone these days, is it?!

We don't sit on devices around the dinner table, so why would we when out? I guess you notice more if it's not your normal. And that's not to say I'm not on my device often enough when out and about, just not when eating together.

And that still doesn't alter the fact that the women was unspeakably rude to say something (let alone when she was 'avin' a fag).

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 19/08/2016 23:06

Me too prof Wimps should stick together
Thanking you mrsterry for the Lizard Spock gem.
m.youtube.com/?gl=DE#/watch?v=Kov2G0GouBw
Jim Parsons took several takes to nail that...
m.youtube.com/?gl=DE#/watch?v=tCNxvsP-Ce8
...and commented on it here
m.youtube.com/?gl=DE#/watch?v=Z2z-AbYMk5Q
Here he does it like Speedy Gonzales later twice in a row
m.youtube.com/?gl=DE#/watch?v=x5Q6-wMx-K8

You have converted me mrsTP

WorraLiberty · 20/08/2016 00:17

Some of the people on this thread have proved over and over that we do judge people for different reasons.

That woman judged you and your family for sitting and looking at your devices, and other people have judged the woman for being a smoker.

Tis the way of the world I guess, but she definitely shouldn't have voiced her judgement.

That was plain rude and uncalled for.

WorraLiberty · 20/08/2016 00:21

And it's funny because no-one here has said, "What does the fact she was going outside for a cigarette have to do with the story?"

But if you had said, "She was on her third trip to the buffet" for example, I'm quite sure you would have been asked what that had to do with the story IYSWIM?

Some things are more 'acceptable' to judge on MN, whether they have anything to do with the story or not.

TheStoic · 20/08/2016 06:31

And it's funny because no-one here has said, "What does the fact she was going outside for a cigarette have to do with the story?"

Probably because the irony was apparent to most people.

hazeyjane · 20/08/2016 06:34

I wouldn't judge her going out for a cigarette, for the same reason I don't expect to be judged for using an iPad/tablet/phone when out with the kids.

shiteattheseaside · 20/08/2016 06:37

Parenting looks very different from the outside.

Up yours fags lady

Arkhamasylum · 20/08/2016 07:54

Maybe she thought you looked like Sofia Vergara?

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 20/08/2016 07:56

I agree with Worra RE fags and crossing the line by commenting. We all have our bugbears, it's when you actually voice them that it is too far.

I'd happily leave DS1 with my mobile for a meal because it soothes him, but it always ends up in tears because the younger two want to play or watch (of course, different to each other as well) different things. So it ain't worth it.

I can't wait until they're old enough to grudgingly compromise!

GoblinLittleOwl · 20/08/2016 08:03

No business of the woman to comment, but:
you were out for a family meal, a social occasion, sitting round a table, and not one of you was talking or communicating with the others.
Sad.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 20/08/2016 08:07

Never been on Gransnet before.

Just saw that thread.

Don't think I'll be rushing back anytime soon.

hazeyjane · 20/08/2016 08:39

Ah Goblin don't worry, I occasionally screech, 'Shut up, I'm looking at my phone!' so they are getting some communication.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 20/08/2016 08:46

You were out for a family meal... and not one of you was talking or communicating with the others.

The OP says upthread that they put the screens away and chatted when the food arrived, then she spent the afternoon entertaining both kids.

TaterTots · 20/08/2016 09:21

Our local school has this unbearably worthy sign on the gate saying 'Greet your child with a smile, not a mobile'. Of course some self-righteous cow has shared it on one of those 'Spotted in...' pages on FB, and self-appointed perfect mums have rushed to comment and share ('OMG This' being a particular favourite). I just find it unbelievably pretentious and unnecessary.

MilkyChops · 20/08/2016 09:23

Say that's okay, I've never heard of getting COPD from a phone.

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