to regret leaving London?

[madhurjazz]

Its beautiful where I live, but quite deprived. Everything is a car ride away and often in winter I CBA if its dark wet and windy outside.

Ive made a few friends here (south west) but I do get the feeling thank most consider me an outsider as many have never moved more than a couple of miles in their life.

Its now near impossible for me to get back into London, my ex house is now an absolute fortune and my house has pretty much just gone up in inflation.

Sorry, didn't mean to look like I was derailing the thread. Just touched on a subject which can get me a little exasperated.

I think the essence is that life is what you make it! Constantly yearning for London isn't going to make things better for you. Find the good things about where you live and make the most of them. If area genuinely not right fit for you, look into others which suit you better or try to move back to London and put up with the smaller property etc.

But is it London v. provinces, or city v. country?

I grew up in a city (not in UK) and London is the only English city I've lived in. I now live ex-London and have observed some of the differences you mention, but assumed it was city/country; ie other UK cities would be more cosmopolitan and London-like. Am I wrong?

Possibly missing point of thread

I know of one person who felt ostracised for being an outsider was actually incredibly patronising/condescending about the locals and the area (which she had chosen to move to!) and was very keen to inform us about the lack of "cultural opportunities" and how where she had moved from was much superior.

I think your describing that god awful fail mail woman, who spouts something about the local coop not having any wine over a tenner.

I'm really not sure how to articulate it but I do feel London acts as a huge drain to the rest of the country. Most places have two cities, where as London is about the size of Paris, Madrid and Berlin combined.

I do need to move houses though, I thought my detached bungalow would be quiet - its noiser than anywhere I lived in london!

"Brighton, Blinkowl?"

Ah, yes I'd love to!

No way could we afford a family house in Brighton though, sadly.

madhur

Yes, one of those! Also not happy about the lack of "really good local restaurants and theatre"- there are several in the nearest town (and a michelin starred restaurant within 25 minute drive) but don't know what she expected when she moved to a rural area. The local theatre is pretty good, as is the ones in the nearest city, not to mention a pretty good local folk festival and several music festivals of varying types in the local area. Sure, it's not London's West End or Broadway, but come on!

She also complained about the noise of the wildlife/sheep and the church bells.

Hope you find a nice new house!

You realise that being interested in politics, current affairs both domestic and foreign and so on is not exclusive to those living in London? I know as many people who are interested in the world around them where I am now as where I live in London.

I think racism/sexism/ageism/homophobia etc are all alive and kicking in London too. I take your point about ethnic diversity and greater access to challenging art/theatre though, undoubtedly London has a huge advantage there. I have found if you look for it you can be surprised what is out there.

I'm not saying my post is true for all places outside London.

I'm saying it's true for where I am now. I was responding specifically to a poster who was saying it "it's pretty narrow-minded to say one place is more broad-minded than another.."

I was trying to demonstrate the place I am currently in is more narrow minded than where I lived in London, and that I'm not being narrow-minded to say that, I'm simply explaining my valid experience of where I live.

I've met more racist people in 7 years here than I did in 33 years in London, for example.

I miss it like mad. I miss it every day. I miss walking endlessly and seeing so many different things. I kiss the noise. I could write a book so I should stop right there. It's not easy to even visit anymore and I can't afford to move back.

and I think I understand what you mean about London being a sort of drain in terms of arts/culture as lots of funding for culture and arts goes to London and it becomes a bit of a chicken and egg situation. I understand why this happens (huge population, lots of infrastructure there already, worldwide reputation, established market etc etc), but I do think it ends up being a self-perpetuating situation. And of course a small town theatre is never going to rival London for depth and breadth of facilities or range of theatre/festivals etc- but the attitude is often "better not send it out of London, there's no market/desire for it". I think that can be true, but without exposure how will people have the opportunity to experience/explore things?

Blink

Fair enough, sorry if I was a bit brusque. As I said, I find that some of the trope trotted out about anywhere outside London being a bit, well backward, a bit irritating. It's fair enough of you to say you find where you live quite narrow minded and racist.

OP - I wonder if you are just in the wrong area of the country for you. I love London but have lived all over the UK, and feel that there are other areas that are just as culturally exciting, broad minded and diverse. In fact, if anything I think an individual's experience of London can be quite bubble-like. There may be greater ethnic diversity among my friends here, but I think there is probably far less diversity in terms of educational background and political views than I had living elsewhere. People don't tend to mix with new people as much in London, but tend to stick to who they know. I am not sure that is always a good thing..

Depending on where you are, the SW can feel very far from London and other large cultural hubs. Maybe you would be happier moving closer to a town such as Bristol, Oxford etc? Both have amazing culture and theatre, great restaurants, and many people who have also lived in London!

I do sympathise because personally I don't think I could live anywhere other than London - but that may partly be because it is the only city in which I can carry on my particular career at a sufficiently high level, so I'll need to stay here regardless of the ridiculous house prices and overcrowding, and might as well look on the bright side!

For me it's freedom and variety that I was fortunate enough to grow up with and took for granted until I moved out. I have very eclectic friends as a result and where I now live I feel like an outcast for the first time. Sometimes it's because of my views (which back home if we're different would just be part of the conversation where as here they "you're weird") and sometimes because of race, something that I had only experienced once before in London from an elderly lady on a bus who muttered racial expletives at me for standing in the standing bit. Although people haven't said the words to me I get a lot of looks and tones when I'm with my white husband like I'm an alien dressed as a human. And that's in a large town in SE. But I also thing I would not feel like this in any other city either as they are more mixed in ethnicity, outlooks etc.

Living in London I felt like a citizen of the world but here I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble where many of the people can't see passed the soapy walls.

I think you have ended up in not the best place for you outside of London, you might well be happier in a town location - the 'middle of nowhere' lifestyle doesn't suit most people IME.

Perhaps look to move, not a romantised idea of what you want from life, but practical. Being able to walk to shops/pub/restaurant, having good public transport access.

YANBU if that's the way you feel. We too left London and for ages I missed it. We've been in our new location for nearly 7 years now and I can honestly say that I'm finally happy and feel settled here. However, my new home is only 20 mins from London on the train so I can get my London fix whenever I want (which is usually every couple of weeks). I'd hate to live out in the sticks. My family live in Norfolk, which is beautiful, but living there I'd go bonkers. Its simply too far from London!

Why don't you move to Bristol OP?

Still SW, some areas with pretty affordable housing. Voted to remain during Brexit, very diverse, lots going on, easy to get to other places from. Everyone who lives in Bristol, loves it

Not London but we moved from a big city to a small suburb/town a while back and it took me a long time to adjust. Still haven't really made friends although people aren't unpleasant, just seem to have lived here all their lives. Like you we couldn't now move back, even to the same size (small) house. Kids are really happy here though, schools are great, less traffic, nicer house. Plus I have one friend who I already knew, which helps.

yanbu! I totally miss it. I grew up in a small countryside town, moved to London and then came back when my children were little.

Of course not everyone here is narrow minded but I do meet more narrow minded people than I did in London - especially as I came back married to an eastern european!!

I'm not sure I miss London itself everyday - but I do miss the mix of people, cultures and languages and the dominant accepting mind set

I think Blinkowl and I live in the same place! It is very narrow minded here, racist and homophobic. I've been here 10+ years, and it's a tiny bit better than it was when we first moved.

I do miss London very much. I agree with what andintothefire says, that it's very dependent upon exactly where you are and who you are. This small town suits dh down to the ground, but I hate it. I would happily move to almost anywhere as long as it was a city, and he would reluctantly move as long as it wasn't to a city.

Fucking patronising thread. I live in Manchester and am neither narrow minded nor xenophobic. We are plenty interested in politics, thank you and we even voted Remain. We also have plenty of art, edgy and otherwise. The Whitworth won Art Fund museum of the year last year, Google the manchester international festival for new works of all types, the Royal Exchange (Maxine Peake as Hamlet anyone?) has a national reputation, even the Guardian reviews their work, Home and the Contact for new works in dance and drama, the Halle orchestra is known internationally, I could go on. Yes, the London-based Great White Elephants suck the majority of arts funding, leaving us to do what we can with what's left, but we're doing an amazing job on a shoestring here and it would be nice if it wasn't all dismissed by the London so-called elite as "small-minded provincial crap".

I hear what you are saying OP. We moved to the north east for three years and I was very un happy. I just knew it wasn't the place for us. We were renting so it was much easier to up sticks and move. Sometimes you just know and there are many reasons why the place is all wrong for you.

Is there a kind of half way house between where you live now and London? Maybe a city like Bristol (I've lived in Bristol, its a good place to live). Oxford? Cambridge? Just get a map and start circling. If you still hate it then try to get back to London somehow although maybe now you'll find that it's harder to let go of the things that you do love about not being in London. There could be somewhere else that's perfect for you. Start researching new places to move to!!

Yanbu op. I lived in Devon for two years and couldn't wait to get back to London - I hope I'll find a way to live here for the rest of my life. I have friends who left London in 1988 when they had their first child. Last year they moved back and couldn't be happier! They did have a fair bit of cash to fund the move though, I know it's not usually easy to afford to come back.

I'm not sure bristol is that affordable these days, like London its gone up massively in the last few years. I've seen a semi in easton that had been squatted and needed gutting still sell for 230k. Oxford is massively unaffordable.

Just seems a shame that leaving London is a one way trip.

Yes, Bristol has definitely gone up. Particularly Easton, but that is because it is the centre of the universe

You can get a decent house for that price though, that doesn't need gutting

I have grown up mostly rurally and largely in the SW. I feel your pain. I would love to move back for the open space, but know too well the narrow mindedness. Wouldn't trade happy ghetto for that, not whilst the kids are small at least. Maybe when I'm a mad old lady

Interesting. We live in the Home Counties, so we can 'pop' to london in half an hour to an hour, but I would much rather live semi rural than in london. I think we have the best of both worlds really. We fight for school but they are between ofsted one and two's so much of a muchness, not having to travel to get a decent school or put up with a sink school. We have a forest just a walk away, fields, streams, yet if we want art and culture they are just the next town away. We can also travel to many many cultural experiences in many places within an hour. We can dig fossils, experience farm days, theatre, coding meet ups, art galleries, sculpture gallery's, national trust and English heritage sites, all within an hour.

Personally I wouldn't want to live in london. Lovely to visit, and we are lucky enough to be able to do so, but I would never live there.

WutheringTights - actually Manchester is somewhere that I was going to cite as being just as diverse and exciting as London. I've never lived there but have worked there, and think that its cultural scene in particular is brilliant. While many theatre and opera companies might be based in London, many of the best ones tour to Manchester. You also get companies like Opera North which London doesn't!

The only reason I didn't mention it is because I thought that the move from the SW to Manchester might be a bit far for the OP. Also, reading between the lines, I think that this is really a thread about the difference between living near a big city and living out in the country, and the main reason why london was mentioned is that the OP previously lived there so it is the city she misses.