To worry about not having children?

[vanillaelderberry]

I have just turned 36.

I am single.

I'm really starting to worry. I maybe have four years in which to meet someone and have children is that even likely? I remember when the last Olympics were on I was quite convinced I'd be married and settled by 2016 and instead here I am.

I'm really starting to worry it just won't happen at all and if it doesn't, how I'll reconcile myself. I know I will but I also know it will always be a source of sadness.

I'm in the same position and two years older than you. Of course it 'might' happen for me but it's not likely.

And I'm constantly told I'm attractive, lots to offer, 'can't understand why you're single' etc but it just hasn't happened for me. I get lots of attention, go on dates etc but I'm interested in the people that aren't that interested in me and the people who want to be with me; I'm not interested in.

It's not so much the having children issue for me (I've accepted this is unlikely to happen now) but having a partner. I do have lots of morbid thoughts about becoming seriously unwell and having no-one to come home to after treatment or dying with no-one to organise a funeral etc.

Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you want to hear but wanted you to know you're not alone!. Especially with the 'next Olympics I'll be with someone!'

Don't give up!

I don’t know that the man I'm dating will be right for me long-term, but if it doesn't work out I'll keep trying. I see plenty of happy couples to encourage me to be optimistic.

OP - if it's any consolation - one of the best years of my life was when I was 37 - my life did a 180 degree change for the better relationship wise ..

Just be confident in the person you are, and I'm sure the next few years and beyond will be very happy for you. :)

I met DP at 36 and had DD as I turned 38. My friend just got married and had her first at 42. so there is plenty of time!

However everyone's fertility is different. Why not get a fertility check to give you an idea of how long you have? Then if you are a bit low on egg supply you can make a decision if you have to.

For me, I had it in my head that I would look into doing it by sperm donor if I had still been single at 38. My friend who is single at 39 has decided to adopt in her 40's. Other single and married friends are loving child free lives - there's a lot to be said for that too. Hopefully you will meet someone but there are other options :)

This is your only life. Get out there and out all your energy into meeting new people however you can. If you want yo find love you need to get out and look however much it has hurt in the past. Have you thought about what may have stopped relationship working in the past ? Do you carry emotional blockages etc.

Don't give up. Start a new project for the year ahead of meeting as many new people as possible. Be radical. Move house ? Move jobs ?

Try to be interested in other people when you meet them. Don't just talk about yourself. Ask lots of questions, be a good listener, these can be very attractive traits. Don't just go on looks alone, try to get to know the person, maybe even become friends first.

Another one here who met DH at 36 (at night school class which I'd gone to thinking of a career change), got together a week after 37th birthday then was married with 2 DC by time I was 42.
I want to say don't give up but I know how you feel as I'd pretty much given up too and of course it happened when I was least expecting it! Good luck

My sister had all three of hers after the age of 39... much younger second husband.