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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get police to pay a visit to my son?

37 replies

PeachesAndDerek · 18/08/2016 16:00

Backstory - 15 year old son has been constantly stealing from me, my husband and a few years ago - shops. Nothing I do or say seems to deter him. He is not my husbands son. It has ranged from low level stealing (like £2 here and there) so £10 going missing from my birthday money from my mum, £5 going missing out if his brother's room and last night he apparently helped himself to around £7 worth of change out of DHs coat pocket.
He will deny it until he is blue in the face but he was the only one in last night, his brother slept out. On top of this he has been stealing cigarettes off DH and me as well as stealing beer out of the fridge. I noted his bedside cabinet drawer was full of empty cans last night.

I've not approached him about this latest money going missing but I have called the police and arranged for a cso to visit the house to talk to him. ds has no idea yet. This stealing is wrecking my marriage as DH says he can't relax in his own home etc etc and it's causing the whole family grief and worry, as well as annoyance and frustration. Ultimately if he doesn't stop now, where will it end??

Have I over done it with the police involvement or is this a fair response??

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 18/08/2016 16:04

Might just rightly put the fear in him... I would probably have phrased it as a visit because "all the money going missing is making you feel unsafe in your own home" (to quote your DH) but I hope you get the results you want! Flowers for you, OP, this must be really hard on you.

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 18/08/2016 16:05

Well if you've tried all else then I can't see why giving this a shot would hurt. Do you know why he is stealing it -what's he spending it on do you think?

usual · 18/08/2016 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerholsdoingmyheadin · 18/08/2016 16:07

It is a fair response. I used to work with families who had teenagers doing similar and itbududllyvends one of two ways:

1: the teenager gets a sharp shock from the police visit and forts himself out.

2: the teenager treats the visit as a joke (plastic police have no powers) and continues as before.

Scenario 2 was sadly more common than scenario 1 but if I was you I would give it a try.

Summerholsdoingmyheadin · 18/08/2016 16:08

Sooty about typosConfused

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/08/2016 16:09

No you've definitely not over done it. It's a pity tgere aren't more parents like you.
None blinkered and responsible. Yes he's your baby, so. It's only natural that it'll hurt you to do it, but better to stop it now than to let things get worse and heaven forbid he ends up in prison.
You're an amazing mum. You want him to take the right path and if putting the fear of God in him does tgat. Then so be it.

NeedACleverNN · 18/08/2016 16:11

Good on you op

Hopefully it will make him think twice

myownprivateidaho · 18/08/2016 16:11

I don't know whether it would work or not. Do you know why he could be doing this? Not saying he shouldn't be punished for the actual thefts, but since obviously this is not normal behaviour, are there problems/anxieties/etc that he might have that could be at the root of it? Hate to say it, but is substance addiction a possibility?

Shinyshoes2 · 18/08/2016 16:13

You have nothing to lose . Please do it as my son started off exactly the same as yours , I could have written your post word for word 4 years ago ,
4 years later at aged 19 I'm now writing about him being arrested for drunk and disorderly and racial abuse hes 19 paying off a court fine, doing community service and has a criminal record
I'm not saying this WILL be your son but I'd try everything to deter your son from anything that could escalate

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 18/08/2016 16:15

If it was paid staff stealing things from your home, no one would say you are OTT to call it the police. Just because it is your son, it is no different. Better he learns now instead of later when it is more than just a talking to.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 18/08/2016 16:15

I think it's the right thing to do if everything else has failed. Must be hard on you

notamummy10 · 18/08/2016 16:16

It depends what type of person your son is and whether getting someone from the police to talk to him will make him see what he is doing is wrong (although a 15 year old should know that stealing is wrong!)

usual · 18/08/2016 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FurkinA · 18/08/2016 16:24

Yanbu and it's not ott. You don't want him to to end up in actual jail

Howtocatchastar · 18/08/2016 16:25

I wish my parents would have done the same when a sibling did this's a a teenager. The little bits of change being stolen went onto much bigger amounts, clothing I'd purchased with my Saturday job money, catalogue fraud, cheque book fraud for thousands and she got away with it all. Lied about it all too.

IveAlreadyPaid · 18/08/2016 16:28

Just out of interest what did the police say when you phoned?

Welshrainbow · 18/08/2016 16:35

YANBU at all you are taking measures to try to prevent this from going further. I wish my parents had taken the same steps for my brother 20 years ago. I hope it works for you.

PersianCatLady · 18/08/2016 16:36

I think it was wise to try and nip in the bud before it gets any worse but as a PP noted don't expect miracles, your son might treat this as a joke and carry on.

You said that he had stolen from shops, has he ever been arrested before?

e1y1 · 18/08/2016 16:38

Absolutely not BU.

Not unless you want him at worst in prison in a few years. At best landed with a criminal record for theft, with no decent career prospects - employers can overlook speeding offences, bet not many would overlook thieves.

Can't believe some wouldn't want to nip this in the bud.

Northend77 · 18/08/2016 16:38

Out of interest "usual", what would you do as you haven't offered any alternatives?

BoffinMum · 18/08/2016 16:42

He needs counselling, not policing. He's bothered about something.

usual · 18/08/2016 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

insan1tyscartching · 18/08/2016 16:46

I would have addressed it with your son first and found out the reasons why before involving the police. Were there consequences before? Aren't you more concerned that your fifteen year old is drinking and smoking and addressing that first?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 18/08/2016 16:51

I think it's worth a try, but I wouldn't pin too much onto it working.

Memoires · 18/08/2016 16:52

My brother used to nick money out of my dad's wallet - folding money, so sometimes a tenner, occasionally as much as 20, which was a heck of a lot 40 years ago.

He grew out of it.

He's the most financially successful of us siblings and always has been. He does not steal, he is a very upright guy and donates large amount of his income to charity. He is a top bloke!

Childhood stealing is not necessarily the end of the world, and does not necessarily denote the future.

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