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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed guests wanting to use our wifi when they visit to go on social media?

85 replies

Notsogrimupnorth · 17/08/2016 23:50

Don't get me wrong, I'm no troglodyte and I love social media but I find it a bit much when a so-called friend comes around for tea and spends half of the time on SM on their phone and then even asks to use wifi as they are struggling to get a signal. I have checked with other friends and apparently I'm not boring so that's not the reason - but seriously is this the social norm now? I find it a bit rude.

OP posts:
Sugarlightly · 18/08/2016 07:06

"Pretend it's 1995"

Okay can we have '95 prices then??

Shakey15000 · 18/08/2016 07:09

£1.80 for a pint in 1995?! Was that in the Savoy? WinkGrin

EarthboundMisfit · 18/08/2016 07:10

All my close friends have my WiFi password. Probably because they almost live here...

acasualobserver · 18/08/2016 07:12

Don't mind visitors connecting to my wifi. Do mind being phubbed.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/08/2016 07:49

I do usually ask to connect to people's wi-fi when I visit them, but I'm usually staying overnight and don't use it while we're all still up and chatting, only after everyone has gone to bed!
However, this is when I'm in the UK with the boys, and DH is back in Australia, so part of the reason is in case he needs to get in touch via Skype.
NOT so I can spend hours on social media while I should be talking to my friends.

So far no one has refused or complained, but maybe they just think I have poor manners and indulge me...

SendARavenToRiverRun · 18/08/2016 08:08

My phone automatically joins to wifi at my two good friends houses plus Mil's. There's do the same at mine. It's just how things are. I don't think it's rude. What would be rude is to sit on social media instead of talking! I had a friend who did it constantly. Notice the past tense. That's rude and annoying. Then in the evening she'd be posting what a good day you'd had! Yet she never spoke at all!

sirfredfredgeorge · 18/08/2016 08:32

Just because other friends don't find you boring, doesn't mean another friend doesn't, so your check is not reliable. Boring is person specific, to a group of train spotters or 7year old boys, discussing bogeys might be fun, most of us find it boring.

Your complaint should be about, friends coming round and not having any interest in talking to you - that's a reasonable complaint. The WIFI complaint is unreasonable, it's a service you should be providing as a host. So wifi YABU, if they come into your house and ignore you have the right to complain, but just stop inviting...

WhooooAmI24601 · 18/08/2016 08:38

We have regular guests come to stay and some ask for the wi-fi password. I'm ok with it because it doesn't seem to interrupt us spending time with friends and family. The DCs are 10 and 5, so too young for SM, but I don't tend to need to limit their screen time as they're usually voluntarily outdoors attacking one another on the trampoline or wrestling in the sand pit.

The only rule I enforce is no phones at the table for anyone, including the 19 year old niece who has to have her phone removed via crowbar.

blushrush · 18/08/2016 09:06

I let my friends and family connect because Whatsapp is free and doesn't use up text message limits. Plus, it's nice for them to show photos and videos and such while we're chatting.

However, I do get annoyed with some members of my family who will sit glued to their screens while I'm talking to them. And they're not looking at anything related to our conversation.

There is a line in the sand but some people's manners don't stretch that far

Albadross · 18/08/2016 09:44

My DF brings his phone and ipad whenever he comes here and the very first thing he wants to do is get them out and connect to everything.

He has one of those ridiculous announcements every time he gets any sort of message, and he doesn't seem to grasp the concept that FB isn't the same as a live conversation, i.e. people don't expect an immediate response to any post. I've had to block him several times on some of my social media because even on my professional pages he comments all over everything and makes me look like a twat.

Thankfully he no longer wears his phone in a holster on his belt Confused

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 18/08/2016 09:55

Everyone in my family have the same wifi code to all match the one that was in the original family home. I don't see a problem with it UNLESS they are on the internet instead of actually talking to people

Original poster
Notsogrimupnorth · 18/08/2016 10:23

Okay so here's some more context to my original post. We invited him around for ta with the kids because he complained about being lonely, he talked about himself for quite some time and then started on fb (he has over 500 friends on there so I guess this is a way of combatting his loneliness but surely not when invited for tea).

OP posts:
AbelMancwitch · 18/08/2016 13:35

If guests are staying overnight then good to give them the code; if they're just popping round for a couple of hours to see you though they no way need it. Get a better data plan if you're that addicted!

PersianCatLady · 18/08/2016 13:40

I agree and I also find it really rude when you are having a conversation with someone and their phone rings and they answer just to have a random chit-chat with the caller.

I can't explain it but if it was something important it wouldn't bother me but I think hang on a minute we were talking and now this other person has just butted in.

You wouldn't suddenly stop a conversation to speak to another person for 20 minutes face to face, so why are phone calls different?

TheNaze73 · 18/08/2016 13:43

I think it's bloody rude. If I meet for lunch or visit someone & they're constantly on their phone, I make my excuses & leave. My time is too prescious to be dicked about

Scribblegirl · 18/08/2016 13:51

Overnights it's totally fair. Both MIL and DParents have zilch 3G or phone signal at their houses; it's the only way that anyone outside of my family could get a message to me without calling my parents' landline (and I think there's only about 5 people in the world who use it or know the number!)

I would probably volunteer it if we had overnight guests. I'd be surprised if people asked for it for the sake of an hour or two, but then we're in London with pretty perfect 4G.

Lots of our friends work pretty demanding jobs and, like it or not, will check emails a couple of times if they're over all evening. I'm sure if they were sat on Candy Crush I'd feel differently!

LavenderEverywhere · 18/08/2016 14:13

I think it depends on the duration of the visit. If it's overnight then fair enough but if they are coming for dinner or just a cup of coffee then it's completely unnecessary.

I agree that people are becoming incapable of managing for a few hours without being constantly contactable. It actually makes lots of people panicky and irritable and that's quite worrying.

I have just come back from a week's hols with no internet and frankly it was wonderful. I got out and did stuff instead of wasting hours on FB and MN and I felt mentally lighter and better for it.

Lots of people use Whatsapp including me, but it does mean they tend to assume that you have access to WIFI or mobile data every minute of the day. I don't tend to turn mine on when I am out of the house unless I need it for something specific. I spend enough time connected to the internet when I'm at home without needing to do it when I am out and about as well.

If there is something vitally important to impart I can still be contacted by phone. I have no wish to sit with a friend over lunch or walk around the shops constantly having to look at bloody FB and Instagram and Twitter updates thanks very much. That's for saddos.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 18/08/2016 14:53

I would consider it rude if a visitor ignored me & concentrated on SM when invited for tea.
My DS told me this morning that when he is in the pub with his mates all the mobiles are put in the centre of the table and the first one to use their's buys the next round.

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho · 18/08/2016 15:10

Cheesecake Ooh! Resistance from the younger generation! Excellent. We are no longer doomed!

ConfusedintheNorth · 18/08/2016 15:12

We use our friends wifi if we're staying for a while, we're self employed and the nature of the business means we need to be contactable pretty much all the time, a lot of contractors contact us via social media. I think it depends on length of visit and why they need it TBH.

QuimReaper · 18/08/2016 15:31

I agree with sirfred - your thread title is misleading, makes it sound like you're just a weird miser about letting people use your WiFi, when in fact it's about people using their phones instead of engaging with you.

I have a friend who's a certified workaholic and is dreadful for reading her emails in the pub. I know she is really ambitious and works hard and I really respect that, but it's so trying when it consumes an evening when we're supposed to be having dinner. She sometimes even looks at her screen and says "go on, I'm listening" Hmm I'm sure you're hearing me, but you're sure as hell not listening if you're doing something else at the same time, and it's not quite the same telling a story to someone who isn't even looking at you.

RubyCav · 18/08/2016 15:36

"This pub does not have wifi.
Talk to each other.
Pretend it's 1995."

Love it!

Nataleejah · 18/08/2016 15:43

"This pub does not have wifi.
Talk to each other.
Pretend it's 1995."

Lame. And very unoriginal. Just like "ask staff for the toilet key."
I often go to cafes/pubs to connect to wifi when alone.

As for guests at home, my password is no secret to anyone who needs it.

TickettyBoo · 18/08/2016 17:46

Talking is so last century darling!! 😂😂😂😂😂

MrsMadEyeMoody · 18/08/2016 18:03

It is extremely rude of your guests.
I like how you checked with your other friends to confirm that you were not boring Smile