Every year me, dm and aunty make plans to go out for the day (all dc included) we do different things every year but we always have a picnic (depending on the weather) we always make an effort to invite SIL but in the 4/5 years that we started doing this she hasn't been once but her dc come with us.
Her dc spend every weekday at my house (8am-4pm) and sometimes they stay overnight at the weekend. Her eldest dd also goes to my aunties once a week (after she has spent the day at my house)
I have my own dd (2 years old and is a bit of a handful)
This year I don't want to take her dc if she isn't coming (i've had them for the full summer holidays) i'm fed up of having her dc every weekend and would love to have time so i can just focus on my dd. I don't mind them being here through the week, its hard to keep them entertained with so little on offer but i manage.
I have asked her twice if she is coming with us and both times she has said she doesn't know and will let me know soon (we are going on saturday)
So WIBU to tell her that i don't want her dc to come unless she makes the effort to actually come with us?
AIBU?
To be fed up?
Amy214 · 17/08/2016 22:31
My mum did this for my auntie for years and years, she didn't even take her holidays in the school holidays, let my mum sort it all out. we absolutely hated it as we had to be up at the crack of dawn to go to theirs, it was insane. She wasn't even remotely grateful, resentful if anything, even now. Stop it now before it becomes an annual habit. Your kid is probably a bit of a handful because you don't have time to give her the attention she needs. You don't need to never help your sister out, but this is completely over the top. The picnic is not the issue but I think you know that. Your own child will benefit from a close relationship with her cousins but she won't thank you for never having you or her home to herself. HOpe you can manage to reduce this burden. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I don't mean it to be, I have just been in your daughter's position and it still makes me angry 
It started off as every sunday with her eldest (when she was a baby) just to give them a break they were living in a small flat. And i agreed, i loved spending time with my niece. It then increased to a few days/nights here and there (which i was also fine with) dd still wasn't here. Once dd arrived it was 4 days a week. I gave up for 12 weeks as my health and dd was my main priority (high blood pressure and eventually pre eclampsia) now she has changed job and hours its 5 days a week with 'better hours'
She asked a few weeks ago if i would look after the dc if she went full time and she was told no
She still hasn't told me if she's coming on saturday, she was supposed to let me know today 
I just felt stuck and unable to say no, i find it really hard to cope with 3 under 5s.
I will be saying no even if its 'just for an hour' never is
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