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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting costs on hen do, AIBU?

61 replies

AmIReadingThisCorrectly · 17/08/2016 15:46

I have been invited to a hen do at the end of the year. It is 4 days (and 3 nights) of different activities and people have been told they can pick and choose what they want to do but most people are doing everything.
In order to accommodate all of the people coming from quite a way away, the organiser has booked accommodation for us all but has said that they realise that because of the days involved, they know that not everyone can stay for the full
3 nights. However they have asked that the costs for the accommodation are split equally between everyone whether we stay for 1,2 or 3 nights. My other problem is that the accommodation is quite rural and the town where all the hen do "events" are happening is actually much closer to my own house than the accommodation, meaning I'll also have to pay more to join in with the transport than if I stayed at mine and drove/got taxis to the events. I'm happy to suck that up in order to be able to stay with the others and join in with the atmosphere but due to work and childcare commitments, I can only stay 1 night and will need to drive/taxi for the rest. AIBU to say something about the fact I feel like I'm subsidising all of the other people staying for 3 nights? The price being charged is really, really good for 3 nights in this place but works out quite expensive for those who want to stay just for 1, altogether it's probably be the same amount as going abroad for a weekend! Not really been in this position before and wondered what other people thought...

OP posts:
amidawish · 17/08/2016 17:22

i can see your point of view, but the organiser, rightly or wrongly has made it clear that the accommodation is pay x regardless of 1,2 or 3 nights. so i think you have to suck it up and either stay and pay or stay at home and don't pay. personally i would stay at home. a 4 day, 3 night hen do, seriously?

MapleandPear · 17/08/2016 17:23

Tough titty for the organiser then, she will have to suck up the extra. To sound like a certain Monty Python the first rule of hen do organisation is to not miss any of the bride's good friends off the email list and make sure you have up to date details for everyone.

Magstermay · 17/08/2016 17:24

Should have added YANBU to want to pay less, it just doesn't really work in this sort of situation unfortunately.

MapleandPear · 17/08/2016 17:27

It doesn't work in this sort of situation

I have never been to a hen do where I've had to pay for the whole thing in spite of only doing part of it. We've always subsidised the hen, but not people who want a ridiculously long drawn out do with people you may not know that well.

BusStopBetty · 17/08/2016 17:32

Fuck that. Is the organiser on glue?

In no other circumstances would people think it's ok to pay for a three times as much as you get.

amidawish · 17/08/2016 17:34

i actually can see the organiser's POV
she wanted to book the whole place (which is always nicer for this type of thing)
she probably negotiated a good deal for all the cottages for 3 nights.
£100 for 3 nights is REALLY good value
they don't want the cottages rented out to other people for part of the time.

however it doesn't work for the OP. so just don't stay overnight.

Original poster
AmIReadingThisCorrectly · 17/08/2016 17:39

amida yes it is good value but it is a price based on the assumption that it will be fully occupied every night. For every person who can't make it, it will go up.

OP posts:
amidawish · 17/08/2016 17:45

yes, true.
not your problem though. the current arrangement doesn't suit you, don't feel bad. it may be that they have to let a cottage or two go or they agree to pay more or they decide to re look at the split and costs. up to the organiser, but it's clear this is how they want to do it so i think YABU to ask for a different calculation for you.

MapleandPear · 17/08/2016 17:52

"Hi, thanks for arranging this. It sounds like fun.

Sorry if this is a pain but I wasn't actually involved in the original arrangement before this was booked and would only like to stay for the first night. The activities are actually really close to my house too and I can't arrange childcare for the whole weekend in any event. With a bit more notice I might have been able to. I don't really need to stay at all but would like to if possible for the first night. I'm happy to pay for the activities and won't stay at all, if that's easier. Let me know what you think. Regards, AmI."

CurlyMoo · 17/08/2016 18:15

I've only seen these 3/4 day hen do's on MN. Most people I know go out for a meal. Anyway...

A good friend's wedding recently, she got 10 rooms in the hotel at a reduced rate and as I was travelling several hundred miles she asked if I would like one, price was £99. I said yes, went into the hotel and they said £169. I insisted I was told original price, they said as the bride had not confirmed the rooms then they would charge full price. I declined the room, hotel then said the bride would be charged anyway so I essentially was putting her out of pocket. I felt that was tough luck really, it was her mistake. In the end they gave me the room at the reduced price (whether or not they charged the bride surplus I'm not sure) but I didn't feel bad as it was not my mistake.

In your case I would say i am travelling in. It is not your mistake that she confirmed rooms without asking. I honestly cannot understand why people do these sort of things and then get upset when people cannot fully participate.

secretgirl · 18/08/2016 22:06

No way I'd be going for this. I'd just book a room for myself for the 1 night or travel home.

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