Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Ambushing Childminder

70 replies

FauxFairy · 16/08/2016 11:06

Name changed as this along with my usual posts will certainly out me.

I have 2 DC , DD is 11 & DS is 8 with ASD.

DH has 2 weeks off from work, so their was no need to arrange childcare.

Yesterday he had a nasty fall and broke his leg in 2 places, he has a massive cast that goes up to his knee, he's pretty much bound to the bed/couch and is filled with painkillers so very drowsy at the moment.

DD will be fine staying at home with him but DS needs to be supervised and DH isn't in the position to do so, I've called in friends/family and with all their help I have childcare sorted out from Thursday onwards, today MIL has cancelled a lunch/day out with friends so that she can watch over DS.

That still leaves me with Wednesday to cover, a friend of mine employs a childminder, it's a new one that has started this summer, the childminder is only contracted to take care of friends 2 DC, 9 and 7, but friend has said to bring over DS under the ruse of a very long play date 8am-5pm for tomorrow, she thinks the childminder is too new and too nice to say anything/complain/refuse

I think it's slightly awful, as DS has sensory issues and will be a lot to handle and that I'm essentially ambushing the childminder but currently I have no other options and it's only for a day.

OP posts:

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 16/08/2016 12:38

So glad you're contacting the nanny and asking up front. I hope she can help.

What your friend was suggesting was an awful thing to do and may invalidate the poor woman's insurance among other things.

Wondermoomin · 16/08/2016 12:39

The child is not the one in the cast, Repent.

You're right OP, it is a terrible thing to spring on the nanny (regardless of any additional needs a child has). Your friend sounds like someone who has no qualms about exploiting and using people. Sorry your work can't be more understanding. Emergency parental leave is really the best solution for one day.

Stillunexpected · 16/08/2016 12:44

I think talk about invalidating the nanny's insurance is a bit off the mark. Otherwise no-one would ever be able to have a playdate if they employed a nanny? Rumbling I think you are confusing the nanny/childminder issue which was cleared up some time ago. This person is a live-in nanny employed by a family, not a self-employed childminder.

Grannypants1 · 16/08/2016 12:48

You have to think about the safety of your dc, is it safe to leave her with the cm if you as mum who knows your dc thinks she couldn't handle it. Just because you can doesn't meant you should. What if dc got even more injured trying to get involved playing with the other two or doesn't get the attention because the other two are her primary focus?

Sonnet · 16/08/2016 12:50

Just be upfront and honest all round - nanny and work

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/08/2016 12:55

That is just outrageously bad

trafalgargal · 16/08/2016 13:00

I take the view that f I am paying someone to look after my child it's a business transaction and to treat a contractor with the contempt and arrogance your friend is suggesting reflects poorly on my professionalism. Clearly your friend doesn't see it the same way ....however I'd be reevaluating my friendship with someone who considered it ok.

You've done the right thing contacting the child Carer direct

Stillunexpected · 16/08/2016 13:05

What if dc got even more injured - the child is not the one in the cast! And the carer is a nanny, not a childminder! There seems to come a point in many threads where everyone just gives up reading beyond the first few posts.

OP, I do have sympathy for you. Childcare is a nightmare at the best of times, summers holidays are the worst, you thought you had it sorted, now not only have the arrangements fallen apart but you have an unwell husband as well who also needs help, you are trying to sort everything out at short notice and your employers are unhelpful. You deserve a bunch of flowers really.

Being kind, perhaps your friend thought she was being helpful by offering her nanny. However, she cannot treat her employee like this. If you really think that your son would be OK spending the day at a friend's house then I think you have to tell your friend you will only do it if she will let you speak to the nanny to see if she can cope and then offer to pay her something for looking after him.

yoowhoo · 16/08/2016 13:11

As a nanny I would be very pissed off if you left your 8 year old child with me from 8 til 5. A play date is a could of hours not a whole day. However, if you contacted me now and asked if I'd mind and that you'd pay me I would happily do it. How awful of your friend. I am so glad she isn't my boss.
My boss us really lovely, who once asked if I'd mind looking after her friends little one and bent over backwards to me my life easier by preparing lunch and paying me (I would have happily prepared lunch btw.. it was just nice of her to go the extra mile) she was very apologetic and grateful but I didn't mind at all.

Flyingfruit · 16/08/2016 13:25

Just talk to the nanny and ask her! As others have said, she'll probably be fine with it (for a bit of extra money) but she won't be best pleased of it's just slung on her!

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 16/08/2016 13:28

As a nanny I'd be bloody furions if my boss was like this

"but friend has said to bring over DS under the ruse of a very long play date 8am-5pm for tomorrow, she thinks the childminder is too new and too nice to say anything/complain/refuse"

Ask me/ explain/ discuss but don't ambush me!

ishallconquerthat · 16/08/2016 13:50

I think it's hilarious how some people say "just tell work that you have a problem with childcare." Yes, in the ideal world that would be the right thing to do and everyone would be fine.

In the real world, though, women earn less and have fewer professional opportunities in the workplace precisely because they have to take time off to care for children. OP said she will have a hard time if she says she'll take the day off to care for her DS.

People have to do what they have to do.

I don't think the OP needs sanctimonious comments here...

shinynewusername · 16/08/2016 14:05

I don't think the OP needs sanctimonious comments here...

It's not a question of being sanctimonious, the point is that she is easily identifiable. How many women are there with a DH who broke his leg in 2 places yesterday, an 11 yo DD and an 8 yo DS with ASD? She has said on here that she intends to lie to get a day off. What if someone who knows her at work reads it and dobs her in? Most employers would treat that as a 1st warning with the 2nd ending in dismissal at the very least. I don't approve of palming her DS off on the nanny, but I still wouldn't want to see someone whose husband has just broken his leg lose her job.

But, as you were, OP, as my warning is so unwelcome.

GoblinLittleOwl · 16/08/2016 14:33

In the real world, though, women earn less and have fewer professional opportunities in the workplace......
because they are taken advantage of by their employers.
Why can the friend not ask her nanny if she is prepared to help out in an emergency by looking after an unknown child with special needs, for nine hours on top of her normal duties, and OP pay her for the extra work?
Or is being a nanny , live-in, not a proper job?

Original poster

FauxFairy · 16/08/2016 15:15

Update - Managed to get friend to ask her nanny/childminder, she's agreed to take DS for the morning 8-11 and friends DH has offered to miss some event of his to watch him at my house until I get home.

I'm so bloody relieved. I owe a ton of people flowers and thank you cards

DH is fine, still groggy and pretty much passed out on the bed according to MIL, he'll contact work tomorrow and try to get his annual leave swapped for sick leave.

OP posts:

Stillunexpected · 16/08/2016 15:24

Well done OP. Hope DH feels better soon.

toadgirl · 16/08/2016 15:33

Great result!

You'll need to go to work now for a rest

Rainbowunicorn73 · 16/08/2016 16:19

Glad you got it sorted!!

clam · 16/08/2016 16:39

Glad you've got something sorted. Hate to be the harbinger of doom here but, having broken my leg a few years back, your dh is going to be out of action (and in pain) for quite some time. You may need a more long-term plan.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/08/2016 09:12

Thank goodness you got it sorted - glad the friend did the decent thing by the nanny in the end :)

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread