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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ambushing Childminder

70 replies

FauxFairy · 16/08/2016 11:06

Name changed as this along with my usual posts will certainly out me.

I have 2 DC , DD is 11 & DS is 8 with ASD.

DH has 2 weeks off from work, so their was no need to arrange childcare.

Yesterday he had a nasty fall and broke his leg in 2 places, he has a massive cast that goes up to his knee, he's pretty much bound to the bed/couch and is filled with painkillers so very drowsy at the moment.

DD will be fine staying at home with him but DS needs to be supervised and DH isn't in the position to do so, I've called in friends/family and with all their help I have childcare sorted out from Thursday onwards, today MIL has cancelled a lunch/day out with friends so that she can watch over DS.

That still leaves me with Wednesday to cover, a friend of mine employs a childminder, it's a new one that has started this summer, the childminder is only contracted to take care of friends 2 DC, 9 and 7, but friend has said to bring over DS under the ruse of a very long play date 8am-5pm for tomorrow, she thinks the childminder is too new and too nice to say anything/complain/refuse

I think it's slightly awful, as DS has sensory issues and will be a lot to handle and that I'm essentially ambushing the childminder but currently I have no other options and it's only for a day.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 16/08/2016 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 16/08/2016 11:37

I agree, dont call in sick. This is exactly why emergency parental leave exists. Its one day. Make it clear that you have called in favours etc for the other days so they understand how much effort you have put in to miss as little work as possible.

wizzywig · 16/08/2016 11:37

Phew you are taking the day off. Itd be utterly shitty for you/ yr mate to do this.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 16/08/2016 11:38

you cant do this, its to risky. sorry chuck, take a day of unpaid emergency leave.
why lie and call in sick, explain and tell truth! you have done really well.

Bogeyface · 16/08/2016 11:38

And of course, dont do this to the poor nanny. I dread to think what else your friend gets the poor girl to do if she thinks that this is ok. Nanny as housekeeper/skivvy by any chance?!

furryminkymoo · 16/08/2016 11:39

I have a Nanny in the house 2 x days a week and I would never do this to her. I might approach her and ask if ok as a one off but I wouldn't just spring it on her.

Jackie0 · 16/08/2016 11:41

You dont have to call in sick op , just tell the truth, you're really stuck .
I can't tell you how irritating it is to hear nannies referred to as childminders and vice versa .
I understand this is how your friend refers to the nanny and can see how you would follow her lead but it makes me think your friend is doing something dodgy with the nanny's contract or trying to give the impression she is self employed for some reason.

RebootYourEngine · 16/08/2016 11:42

I would explain to your work what you have said here. That your dh has had an accident and the only day you cant get childcare for is wednesday.

Original poster
FauxFairy · 16/08/2016 11:43

My employers are pretty much twats, they take a very dim view to childcare issues, it's much safer to call in sick.

I may contact the nanny directly and see if she may consider taking DS for tomorrow

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 16/08/2016 11:46

I think asking the nanny directly would be a good idea. It would be unfair on her to place your ds with her knowing he would need additional care. Maybe she will be ok with it, you could offer to pay her and she might agree.

Popskipiekin · 16/08/2016 11:46

PS slightly off topic but do make sure your poor DH gets his weeks off work recognised as sick leave - up to the point he would be able to go back to work of course - rather than using up annual leave (if that is why he has the time off work, sorry if I have got wrong end of stick) on a broken leg. Hope he gets better soon!

toadgirl · 16/08/2016 11:47

So sorry this has happened. You must be feeling desperate to find a solution especially with an unsympathetic workplace.

Your friend, I think, is so desperate to help you out that she is looking for a solution without thinking of how it would affect the nanny.

If you were to ask the nanny directly and pay her, she may surprise you and agree. That way you'd get the help you need and have a clear conscience.

If that doesn't work, you could beg MIL for one more day and say you'll make it up to her with a nice meal or whatever.

Good luck Flowers

ArcheryAnnie · 16/08/2016 11:47

Since your DS might be quite a lot to handle as a new child for the nanny for such a long day, even if the nanny says yes, can you do a shorter working day on Wednesday, which might be better both for the nanny and your son?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/08/2016 11:50

Yes, I was going to suggest that you maybe let your DS go for a half day playdate and then go home sick half way through the day.

TwoFs · 16/08/2016 11:51

I am a nanny and I can honestly say if you called me under the circumstances you have right now I'd be more than happy to help you out. Most of the nannies I know would do the same. But I'd be really pissed off if it was just sprung on me at 8 in the morning that you weren't coming back till 5. I think you really should just ask her. If the kids are all friends anyway, looking after 3 kids instead of 2 all day isn't much harder. I'm sure she'd be willing to help...

Rainbowunicorn73 · 16/08/2016 11:52

Sorry I think that's just awful. Terrible of your friend to suggest it and equally bad that you're considering it.
Landing a high maintenance new child on a nanny/cm and hoping that she's too clueless to complain because she's new.
It would be stressful and difficult for the nanny and risk spooling their relationship, but mainly, your poor son!! Palmed off on a stranger who might be too nice or too clueless to say no. If he's ASD he needs somebody who understands him.
You could ASK her, offer to pay and see how she feels? Maybe ask her to do half a day and take half a day off work?
Alternatively as you seem happy to leave him with a stranger use babysitters.com or similar to hire a sitter for the day who could supervise him in his own home so dad is around to give a bit of guidance if needed.
09

Griphook · 16/08/2016 11:52

I don't want to do it as it would really leave a lot of work for those in my team but it's ok to do that to a children minded without her even being asked. Complete lack of respect.
Still if she's nice your friend will lose her in the long run for treating her like crap

shinynewusername · 16/08/2016 11:54

Name change or not, you are very recognisable from this thread and now you have announced that you intend to defraud your employer by getting sick pay when you are not entitled to it Hmm

MonsterZinc · 16/08/2016 12:07

They may take a dim view, but better to be upfront.
Yes, contact the nanny and see if she is ok with it?

cestlavielife · 16/08/2016 12:17

you could take ds along in the mornng so you can see if the nanny is up to supervising him but as she doesnt know him and his needs it may be a big ask.

depends how much supervision your ds needs and how safe he might be with someone who doesn't know him and has possibly no experience of ASD. i wouldnt leave my ds with ASD/SLD with someone who wasnt trained to some degree. but - if they were trained/had experience and were happy to be with him then might be ok.

MammaTJ · 16/08/2016 12:18

Of they are as shitty as most of the employers I have had, there will be no sick pay, so get off your high horse shinynewusername.

Original poster
FauxFairy · 16/08/2016 12:25

Defraud? Shiny, I don't get any sick pay, all I will get is a bunch of nasty comments for the next few days and a real big show made of this situation, which I would rather avoid, so kindly keep your opinions to yourself.

I will contact the nanny and see if she'll do a half day arrangement, just for the morning. DS just needs to be watched and encouraged out into the garden, he tends not to have a lot of energy, so will sit in one place with a few toy cars for hours, if I could I'd take him to work but no children are allowed.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 16/08/2016 12:25

its out of roder to spring it on the nanny ifu have to do it then ask first

my husband doesnt get sick pay for first three days off-some people do though

EweAreHere · 16/08/2016 12:31

Why not just be honest with the nanny? Tell her you're stuck, your friend said it might be an option and she would have no problem with it, and could you pay her (cash) to add your child for the day? And tell her about the SN and your husband's leg.

RepentAtLeisure · 16/08/2016 12:35

In the nanny's shoes, I'm sure I would welcome the extra money. And a child in a cast is not going to be much of a bother! (but yes, ask her!) I hope it works out for you.

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