DH nearly died and I'm a nervous wreck

[Dressingdown1]

Four weeks ago I found DH collapsed and unconscious. We were blue lighted in the early hours to a hospital with a specialist unit, where he had an emergency operation. 80% of people with his condition die without regaining consciousness.

He is now home and recovering well but I am totally traumatised. I simply can't stop remembering the horror of it all and if I don't know exactly where he is at any time, I go to pieces. I know this can't go on long term, but for the moment, I can hardly get through the day.

We have plenty of family support, but I feel that everyone thinks we should just be glad he's ok, and I should be getting back to normal. One or two friends have suggested going out for a coffee or on a shopping trip, but really I can't bear to leave him for long. He is still quite physically dependant on me, though improving all the time.

Am I reacting normally do you think? Do I need to get a grip ? If so, how???

Talking (repeatedly) about what happened might be useful. Some of that talk might be with your DH as I'm sure he will want/need to get what happened clear in his head (I know I did when I was very ill and had big gaps in my memory and false memories, I wanted to go over the details to make sense of it all) and some of the conversations might be better with someone who can just listen and ask questions and not try to "fix" the way you feel. If you have a friend or relative to talk to, great, but you might want to find a counsellor where you can offload without feeling judged.
I am so glad to hear your DH is on the road to recovery, it sounds like you coped brilliantly at the time - you are allowed to wobble now the immediate danger is over.

Not as dramatic as your situation op but I took myself off for counselling on account of the anxiety my dh small stroke caused me.

When you love somebody so much and something awful happens your mind goes into overdrive as you imagine life without them.

We were warned he could have a bigger one. Time has helped me settle a bit but I'm never going to be stress free over it. It's been 7 months.
We are both mid sixties so not Spring chickens either.

Mind are excellent. I can well recommend them.

My dh is my rock and I'd be bereft without him. It sounds like in our minds you and I have begun the grieving process. As it's not appropriate it's good to have someone to talk too.

The way you are feeling is totally normal, even if your friend found it odd. That friend should have made an effort to support you rather than expressing surprise over it. That wasn't very empathetic of them