To feel rotten about friends

[jennypennyloves]

Okay so I've not long had a baby...7 months ago and while I'm pretty much back to my pre baby weight my shape is different and I doubt that's going to change.

I have loads of clothes that I bought pre baby that look terrible on me now and some of them still have tags and most of them haven't been worn that much.

I put a message on our whatsapp group saying "hey ladies, just having a clear out and my arse is too big for all these clothes...most of them are new or newish and all in great condition. Does anybody want any of it before i charity shop it all?"

Now we've been friends since school so the best part of 15/16 years so I know them all well and there are 6 of us on the chat. One of them replied "I don't want your sloppy seconds" and others replied with laughing faces to her. One of the girls who replied laughing raided a bag of charity clothes I was giving away a couple of years ago and I've taken stuff off her in the past.

WIBU to offer new clothes to people for free? I feel rubbish

Funnily enough, the one who Has accepted clothes in the past has now messaged me privately saying she'll take them

Weirdly, I was about to make that point. That some people would definitely want your clothes (I would!) but they don't want everyone else to know about it.

I would have said I'd have them straight away, but then I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'll happily tell people if I am wearing something I got from a charity shop if they ask me about it.

Was it the same one who complained about sloppy seconds who wants them, if it wasn't then she was probably too intimidated to reply in the thread as you clearly have at least one complete bitch in your group.

Please say no to your 'friend' and give the clothes to your local women's refuge where they will be more than appreciated.

I'm sorry they treated you like that after your kind gesture

OK well I'd message the group saying "Just as well as "laughing face friend" wants them! Cheers!"

Then they know someone else has accepted them - the friend who wanted them should have messaged the group but for whatever reason she is embarrassed to.

I would either reply on the main message-

'All clothes have been bagsied now: Susie, you can pick them up anytime today before 5pm'

Or reply via Pm and tell Susie they've gone.

I wouldn't punish the friend that wants your stuff OP. She was as obviously intimidated by the Bitch's comment -- which was pretty much how it affected you. Maybe a bonding opportunity. Have her round for coffee to pick the clothes up and tell her how hurt you were when you made what you felt was a kind gesture to friends you could trust.
Common sense to make use of good clothes unless you have money to throw away.
My friends and I love doing the charity shops. I'm looking mainly for books and craft materials (not easy to find suitable clothing) but we see very affluent people in the Chilterns/Cotswolds buying there.

They may have lol' at Sloppy Seconds" as it had a sexual meaning but did any of them actually "like" it ?

I'd probably be a bit of a bitch and msg the friend who wants them and say it's too late you've already sold them on a fb group as you assumed from the laughing msg she wouldn't want your "sloppy seconds"

How rude

around my circle of friends and aquanitainces its normal to offer anything you longer want/need before free cycle or charity shopping.

Do you think she took offence to the fact you offered her stuff you were going to take to charity shop? Some people are real snobs like that.

They're rude. I was just looking through my wardrobe and I reckon 3/4 of it is second hand, mainly charity shops but there's quite a few nice thinga from peoples wardrobe clear outs. My dc have had clothes given to them also. It was a nice gesture.

Does sound rather rude a simple No thanks/ no but thanks for the offer would of done

Maybe they didn't want each other to see them take second hand clothes? I took some in to work a few years ago (all good brands most not worn a lot) and did the whole " take a look and if you want anything before I go to the charity shop help yourselves" and they all stood around not touching anything then on my way out to the car one of the girls asked if she could have it all

Not just rude but bitchy too. Is she normal a rude bitch, this "friend"?

I would reply "Ooookaaay. No need to be horrid. Just thought someone might be interested". Then privately arrange for spineless, laugh-along friend to pick up. Or frankly just eBay the lot.

I just replied "no need to be rude about it!

Nope! Have any of them seen it?

I don't think you are a bitch, it would have been bitchy had your friend not been rude but pm'd as then you could say she was embarrassed but she was happy to be rude but still accept your offer so feck it

OP, I would love it if someone offered me a load of clothes! (As an aside, I have never heard of "sloppy seconds" being a sex joke - here it would be like "do you want the rest of this cake, I can't finish it", "no, I don't want your sloppy seconds". Although obviously no-one ever leaves cake.)

well done OP, perhaps not the most mature response but definitely what I would have done!

Sloppy seconds is definitely a sex joke

Your friends are horrible bitches and you sound lovely.

Your reply was spot on.

Why not have a proper clear out while you're at it and bin the rubbish quality friends

Oh dear - the "I can buy my own" friend is obviously touchy about money. Feel sorry for her, OP, if you can manage it.

You were lovely and thoughtful, lesson learned for next time.

"Benedikte2

I wouldn't punish the friend that wants your stuff OP. She was as obviously intimidated by the Bitch's comment -- which was pretty much how it affected you. Maybe a bonding opportunity. Have her round for coffee to pick the clothes up and tell her how hurt you were when you made what you felt was a kind gesture to friends you could trust.
Common sense to make use of good clothes unless you have money to throw away.
My friends and I love doing the charity shops. I'm looking mainly for books and craft materials (not easy to find suitable clothing) but we see very affluent people in the Chilterns/Cotswolds buying there."

Completely agree with all of this.

You know what? In my experience, people who are dismissive of second hand tend to have less money and are therefore touchy about it.

The poshest person I know (owns property in London, Cotswolds, NYC) loves a rummage, gave me loads of her old baby stuff when my pfb was born which I reciprocated when she had her 3rd, she accepted graciously. I also used to work for a company that clothed the Queen, her assistant used to come and get her stuff altered etc, she'd always go to the factory store and make sure she kept the cut price bargain price tags on because "the Queen loves a bargain". Ha!

Your (bitchy) friend is ungracious, OP, and will therefore never attain the credibility she clearly craves. And your other friend is intimidated by her.

Sometimes people have their own messed up stuff around accepting second hand clothing. She might be disguising that by being mean to you...sort of spewing out all the mean stuff she is holding inside.

A meaner person might have replied back,
"darling don't worry - these are nice things they are nothing like the jumble your maw used to dress you in as a child"
or "you know not everyone thought you had to take other people's sloppy seconds when we were younger, we all knew your family were doing the best they could with what they had - anyway hardly anyone talks about it now. Don't worry we gotcha!"
People are weird. they have a mile of their own shit they haul around. Don't make their shit yours. You made a nice offer. People reacted poorly. It says more about them than you!

I wouldn't give them to her - she was bliddy rude!

Tell her you've already re-homed them - OR, thank her for the offer but you don't want to force her into taking a load of second-hand stuff just as a favour to you.

Some people are awful . Well done on your response, so much classier than I could have thought up

People can be horrid. I buy most of my clothes in charity shops and the only people who know are my Mum and DH mainly because people are so sniffy about secondhand. We're certainly not poor as we've already paid off the mortgage. More fool everyone else!

I'd give them to the friend who pm'd you and just forgive her this time for her herd mentality response to the group. In future, just offer them to her or eBay/charity shop them.

Friend 1 sounds like a cow. I would give her a wide berth in future.