Are DH and I being U or are PILs

[ProseccoPoppy]

DH has had a bit of a "discussion" with his parents over the weekend". We're planning a party for DD's first birthday in a couple of months time. We know she won't remember it but we're planning it as a big family and friends get together, it's instead of a christening as we're not religious and a chance for wider extended family to meet DD. DH and I are looking forward to it. We've told PILs all this and gave them the date ages ago. Now they have booked a holiday abroad over DD's birthday. Apparently they forgot. They are self employed and could have booked for any time and have been away several times this year already. DH is pretty fed up/pissed off and is reading it as "they don't care enough to remember" and has told them they're being crap. PILs have suggested we move the party to "another weekend" as they "don't want to miss out". We're busy the weekend before and after and tbh we would like the party the weekend of her birthday (as planned and as we've booked the venue for). We're going to go ahead as planned, but without them. It's a shame they'll miss it but there you go. They think we are being highly unreasonable. I think they are, but happy to hear an alternative perspective...?

I would expect them to change their holiday if they can.
It is her birthday that day not two weeks before or after.
I am sure they can change dates, it might cost them but I am sure they could.

Agree with any others, any PA crap should be faced down with comments as suggested above like "well, you knew we were having a party on her birthday when you booked the holiday, it's a shame you made the mistake."

Do not let the narrative in the family be that you arranged the party for when they were away and wouldn't be flexible about rescheduling, you picked the date of the party first - this is their mistake, not yours.

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

You keep the party when you want it, they go on holiday. There should be no need for anyone to fall out, they do not have to attend their DGDs party (while it would be nice if they did) and if they complain about it remind them it was their choice to go on holiday.

You could also potentially be setting yourself up for a fall in future years if you cause a fuss about this now. What happens if you want to go on holiday over her bday, are you not going to because DGPs won't see her? Or you want a nice family day out but they want to join you. None of it seems worth the hassle.

Wow loads of responses - sorry I vanished, mad day at work. Glad to see the general consensus is we're NBU. Taking on board the possible other reasoning, I think they were keen for a holiday and I do think PILs were thoughtless rather than spiteful and as pp have said are probably a bit embarrassed now they think about it.

DD is their ONLY GC - one reason we were a bit thrown by this tbh. We won't fall out about it (well, certainly not at my and DH's instigation anyway) but we are absolutely not moving that party!!

DH is a bit upset right now (I work full time/long hours, he's a SAHD and it's the first big "do" he's organised and he has put a lot of effort in) but he'll get past it.

Love the idea of a "needing a diary" comment (I possibly won't tell DH that as if I do I know what he'll be getting PILS for Christmas )

Carry on and don't cave in. Just have the welcome back cake and tea, if you feel so inclined.

It was my parents who did that with DC1. "Forgetting". And continuing to forget anything related to DC1 (who arrived after 7 years of hard core fertility treatments and losses).

Frankly it's their issues and problems.

The fact that years on they don't recognize DC1 and remember his bday is their loss.

They haven't seen DC1 in 5.5 years! When I asked whether he wanted to go visit (involves a flight and stay at a hotel .. With a pool ... DC1 favorite), DC1 declined and told me to go alone.

I'm not worried that DC1 is missing out on relationship. My parents made their bed. This is the result.