To spend maintenance money how I see fit.

[Rainbow]

In a nutshell, I have 4 DC. 3 have one father and one has another. XH (father of 1) gives me maintenance every Friday for DS which I usually put towards the weekly shop. He has a visit every Sunday. This week, XH had some errands to run so drop him off an hour early (he usually baths him and gets him ready for bed before bringing him home). As he was still dressed DS asked me if he could go to the shops for ice cream. XH hadn't left at this point. I said I hadn't got any ice cream money to which XH said "what happened to the money I gave you Friday?" I said I had been shopping and needed electric. XH replied "That money is for DS not for you to spend on yourself or the others"
All DC are clothed and have a roof over their heads which is out of my pocket as is the rest of the weekly shop and all the bills.
I don't think IABU to use his maintenance money this way. It's not like DC go without while I spend it on nights out or clothes for me, if anything I go without so they don't have to.

But I do think if you're using it for the food shop, you shouldn't be buying your other children treats with it.

Could you provide a handy list of what should be considered "treats" in this instance? 3 children have gruel, while the 1 eats steak perhaps? 3 have dry water biscuits and the other has party rings? Or are you suggesting a ring fenced account for that child to get treats from?

Let's be honest here, unless this guy is pretty well off then his maintenance contributions aren't going to be leaving enough for treats for one child let alone 4 children and as OP said she had to use it to buy electric and food shopping then I think we can all rest easy that no children are getting treats with some other man's money

Why would you engage further with a tit who thinks you should prioritise ice cream over essentials?

I hate it when non resident parent seems to think that money should just be money in your pocket for whatever is wanted.

I think it's usually the ones who have never had to pay actual living expenses for their daily living...

Tell him you'll happily create a list of stuff your child requires for a week and let him see how far his contribution takes him.

Or do the easy thing and tell him it's none of his fucking business.

Also had this from my ex who has had child maintenance arrears of thousands of pounds for years. Doesn't like seeing me buy myself anything new in case it was directly the actual money he gave to me - not that I buy much anyway. Totting it up he's paid £5 a week for his kids - arsehole - and once had the cheek to question me like yours has OP. Tell him to fuck off.