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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel that's not ok for my my colleagues to join my holiday....???

52 replies

martuniia · 14/08/2016 22:46

Hi, I'm leaving my job officaly beacuse of career progress, but the main reason was one of the colleagues i work with. We have children simmilar age, and we used to visit each other (years ago) but we haven't visited them for 2 years as I just dont feel we have anything in common. I feel quite tired with all the small talk at work, and we are totally different personalities as well! Anyway....i am leaving my job, last day Friday 12th, plus week holiday before new job, we booked camping site for 8 days...last Thursday she informed me she just booked the same site ...i thought ok, it's a big site, we dont have to spend time together, but it looks like like she has everything planed and think we are spending this time together! Dont get me wrong, but i dont have a lot time alone with my husbend and was really looking forward to those few days on our own....as well, at my leaving drinks she mentioned to everyone " you know what, i booked the same camp site as M. and she did not even say she is happy about it!' I did not comment as I genuily dont feel happy about it!!!!. AIBU or should I just get on with this....;(

OP posts:
SpareHead3 · 15/08/2016 11:05

I agree with Lauder tell her straight. She could do it again in any area of your life if you don't say something. If she doesn't like it and drops you then surely that would be a blessing.

I think I would implode if I didn't say anything and I'm pretty un-confrontational, but I hate my privacy being invaded or people railroading me.

QuintessentialShadow · 15/08/2016 11:13

What is wrong with just saying "Look Susan, if I had wanted to go on holiday with you, dont you think I would have spoken to you about it before hand? I think it is so odd that you have gone and done this, it is not as we are close family friends or even use to go on holiday together".

CoraPirbright · 15/08/2016 11:21

If you feel unable to confront her directly, and frankly I would be so apoplectic, I think it would have to be done to avoid spontaneous combustion, then I think that Mouikey and Confuugled1 make excellent points/suggestions.

Tell her that you have lots planned as a family because you get so little time together that you will happily meet her on x day at x time for a quick coffee but other than that you will be busy. Also, def check with the site about this pitch next to each other thing. That really would be horrifying.

Other than that, I would be tempted to bring up the holiday in front of her and then when she starts on about it too, I would tell her that you are really shocked that she has done such a thing as you are not even close friends or family, feel really put-upon and this is strictly for your family only.

There are thousands of other campsites she should have chosen. This is just weird, stalker behaviour. Has she shown herself to be boundary-less in other ways?

Arkhamasylum · 15/08/2016 11:27

I agree with PPs. I would just say 'I'm not spending my holiday with you' and leave it at that.

I would also be really tempted just to go somewhere else, just to avoid having to talk about it again. As Shadow said, you discuss these things with people first!

rollonthesummer · 15/08/2016 11:33

I can't believe that no one said anything to her when she told them they were gate crashing your holiday!

StealthPolarBear · 15/08/2016 11:33

Yes she is stalking you. I actually think id be able to say something.

redshoeblueshoe · 15/08/2016 11:34

I agree with Lauder. You've left your job because of her, now she thinks she can turn up on your holiday. NO. Tell her to FOTTFSOFF

thetoothfairywhoforgot · 15/08/2016 11:35

It's very odd behaviour. Even if I was BFF with people from work I'd still want a break from them. That is why we all need holidays! '

You could take that tack with her. Tell her you want a total break from thinking about work before moving on to your next challenge.

Mummaaaaaah · 15/08/2016 11:38

Jeez - "single white female" alert!

rollonthesummer · 15/08/2016 11:39

Did she not wonder why you weren't pleased that she'd booked to join you on holiday?!

Some people are so thick skinned and unaware!

Mycatsabastard · 15/08/2016 11:43

If you really need to find another site, I can give you a link to one we stayed in last week in Dorset. It was lovely, two pools, park, cafe, nice showers etc. Loads for the kids to do on site plus loads locally. Message me if you want details.

I think having someone crash my holiday would be utter hell. It would ruin it for me worrying that I would be likely to bump into them at any moment.

Funnily enough, I spoke to a family who were pitched near us last week and their IL's had 'surprised' them by booking in for a few days on the same site. Luckily they were happy about it but as soon as she said what had happened I thought, Oooh Mumsnet would LOVE this!!!

Memoires · 15/08/2016 11:44

Just tell her. Tell her that you are having a family holiday and she can't gate-crash.

MackerelOfFact · 15/08/2016 11:47

I think you should cancel - even if you end us losing money, at least that's all you're wasting. If you go, you'll waste your actual holiday as well.

Do you think she would cancel if you did? Maybe just tell her you're cancelling due to a change of plans, and see what she does - if she cancels too, then go and don't tell her.

HedgehogHedgehog · 15/08/2016 11:49

Id cancel and just book elsewhere. There must be other campsites in Devon? I find this sort of thing terrifying its incredibly invasive. Theres not a lot you can directly do because you cant say that she cant camp at your campsite without looking mad and if she does then it seems she will expect you to hang out so you are goin to spend the whole of your holiday trying to avoid someone without confrontation which will be incredibly draining. I honestly dont understand people like this its my worst nightmare! i really feel for you xxx

KirstyJC · 15/08/2016 11:51

Are you ever planning on seeing her again? Still being her friend? Cos if not just tell her to do one. That you don't really like her anymore and don't want to remain in contact with her and won't be spending any more time with her.

Then enjoy your holiday.

Cocolepew · 15/08/2016 11:51

Dont cancel just tell her or ignore her. You aren't going to see her again.

diddl · 15/08/2016 12:15

Well as you put in the OP-you don't have to do things with her.

How is she going to force you & your husband to do what she wants?

SnotGoblin · 15/08/2016 12:49

Is she winding you up? Who does that. Hope you aren't too bothered by the work weirdo stalking out your holiday.

CoraPirbright · 15/08/2016 14:47

Have you called the site to check on the pitches yet OP?

0pti0na1 · 15/08/2016 15:16

I reckon she's winding you up! Can you ask her some questions like "Are you going to see the (non-existent) band on the Tuesday?"

rollonthesummer · 15/08/2016 16:31

How much have you paid out?

DanceWithThePoets · 15/08/2016 19:53

martuniia I read your aibu this morning - no one seems to have picked-up on the "main reason" for leaving your job was this colleague. Is there more to this story? Was she bullying you in some way?

I'd hazard a guess that she knows e.x.a.c.t.l.y how to make you feel uneasy. What, really? You didn't say to anyone you were happy (at your leaving night) that you were elated she would be there too? I wouldn't blame you. Sounds like you're well rid.

Enjoy your holiday - and it's YOUR holiday. No one dictates your life to you ... You make your own happy. Good luck x

CoraPirbright · 22/08/2016 14:31

What has happened OP? Have you been on your holiday and did you manage to avoid the ghastly interloper?

Dogolphin · 27/08/2016 20:27

How did it go OP?

SenoritaViva · 27/08/2016 20:41

But you shouldn't change plans because of her. You simply say 'no, this is our holiday as a family, we are not joining others. Goodbye'

She sounds weird.