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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To show OW what a cheating bar steward she has gained

62 replies

Treeclot · 13/08/2016 20:32

Name change. ExP cheated on me, I kicked him out and he moved in with OW (it had been going on for two months). She's acted like a royal shit. She knew about me and our baby. I've seen an email from her to him advising him on how to get out of paying child support. She sent goading messages to me when I was at my lowest. Total bitch.

He's a bastard too. He cheated and he's went along with her shady behaviour. I am being civil with him because it's to my advantage to have a civil relationship.

Because he's a tool, he interprets my niceness as being potential to resume a sexual relationship.

They plan to get married early next year.

I'm tempted to record him and his advances and send her the material. Is that a terrible idea? I wouldn't let him go all the way. I just hate them so much I want to spoil their cosy delusional relationship.

OP posts:
Nannawifeofbaldr · 13/08/2016 21:20

You have to be a parent with this man for the rest of your life.

Don't do it. It won't end well.

AyeAmarok · 13/08/2016 21:20

Meh, don't bother trying to save her from a mess of her (and his) own making. Let them get married. She'll find out eventually.

The view is better from the moral high ground.

and the longer they're together the worse it will hurt.

ollieplimsoles · 13/08/2016 21:22

you have to be a parent with this man for the rest of your life

That depends on what's best for their child.

DangerousBeanz · 13/08/2016 21:23

They storks like they fucking deserve each other. As my mum used to say, leave them to it, there is only one pair spoilt.

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 13/08/2016 21:25

Yep I'd do it. I'd wait till they had spent a fortune on the wedding though Smile

Benedikte2 · 13/08/2016 21:33

I'd be tempted but wouldn't do it for reasons posted above. Also if ex has overnight etc contact with your baby then this OW will be looking after the baby. You two could become the best of friends against your ex. She will understand what you had to put up with and change her tune towards you.
Good luck and may it rain on their wedding day

Missgraeme · 13/08/2016 21:35

Remind her when she becomes his wife that the mistress vacancy is available.

flanjabelle · 13/08/2016 21:36

I would do it, as long as you aren't going to cause yourself anxiety about it. Would it be therapeutic for you? Or would you panic about what would happen?

LadyFarnborough · 13/08/2016 21:38

Id be tempted but would. My ExH was also a cheat and a liar. I plotted all sorts of revenge from forwarding her the begging emails where he described her as a mistake to googling places that sent dog shit in the post/fake STI results/other twisted stuff. What ultimately stopped me from doing it was that I would look bitter and that I wanted him back. I wouldn't have pissed on him if he was on fire, I figured the best revenge was getting on with my life and being thankful she'd taken him off my hands.

LadyFarnborough · 13/08/2016 21:38

Would = wouldn't

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 13/08/2016 21:40

As tempting as it is - you do to some extent need him inside for your child . Are you prepared for his wrath , the wrath of maybe the in laws and how this affects baby ?

If truly you can think through the worst case scenario of his reaction and the back lash - do it

frumpet · 13/08/2016 21:44

Honestly ? I would have a few friends round and plot the most ludicrous revenge tactics possible whilst polishing off a few drinks and then I would leave it right there , where it belongs , as a fantasy .

The OW will get her comeuppance , but let it be of her own making , far more satisfying in the long run Flowers

Original poster
Treeclot · 13/08/2016 21:47

I think I want to get the evidence just in case.

But in reality I'm not sure I would use it. Imagine if they didn't split up. I'd have to hand over my baby every other weekend to fully blown enemies. Plus she would really clamp down on him interacting with our child via me - she already won't let him come visit baby in my home mid week - hence the every other weekend situation.

But if things got worse - not sure how much worse it can get - I at least have some ammo...

OP posts:
WeekendAway · 13/08/2016 21:51

If you didn't have to co-parent a child with him then I'd say record away and send it to her, but as you do I think it's more important to keep a civil relationship with him and just feel sorry for her from afar and crow silently to yourself when it goes wrong, which it will.

ijustwannadance · 13/08/2016 21:54

The best revenge you can get will be having a bloody fantastic life without him.

She will learn the hard way.

NickiFury · 13/08/2016 21:55

I like the idea, but I wouldn't because I would want them to be stuck together unhappily for many years. Something as incisive as that would end things immediately, which hardly seems fair. Why should she get an easy out?

sleeponeday · 13/08/2016 21:55

I'd think about what you would want for a friend about to marry a man who would do this. I suspect complete proof he's as bad as this would be it - not marrying him in smug, delusional confidence that he is a catch. You're doing her a favour by warning her with proof, however painful the initial stages. Why would you? She's about to marry a priapic mendacious little turd. Perfect, for someone who's treated you so badly.

Saving her from herself is not exactly revenge, to my way of thinking. It just means more drama because she will be so angry at "losing" that she'll very possibly still marry him to "win". And meanwhile things for your child will be hideous - there's no way conflict between parents on that scale, with stepmother fury as a bonus feature, won't harm.

He's a fixture in your life forever because you share a child. Just be pleased that she's reaping what she's sown. He's going to cause her a world of pain and they're not even married yet.

AyeAmarok · 13/08/2016 21:58

The evidence might be useful anyway... I'm thinking, if in a few months he tries to stop paying child maintenance or decides to refuse to do certain pickups etc, leaving you in the lurch.

I don't mean you'd use it to threaten him, but it might keep him behaving reasonably as a co-parent if he knew that you could bring his whole relationship crashing down, if you wanted to.

Nahmsayin?

ENormaSnob · 13/08/2016 22:03

Play the long game.

And hope her life falls to shit whilst you laugh on the sidelines.

Scrumptiousbears · 13/08/2016 22:07

I always planned revenge in my head. Never went through with it though. The imagination was enough. Smile

ThymeLord · 13/08/2016 22:10

What frumpet said.

Don't do it. You've no idea what lies he fed her and at the end of the day HE betrayed you, not her. Rise above it.

HelsinkiLights · 13/08/2016 22:11

I'm a total bitch so I'd sleep with him making sure I'd surreptitiously video the deed. Then when he refuses to pay maintenance send the video to the ow.
But then on the other hand revenge really is a dish best served cold & having a good life minus stupid ex is the best revenge.

Original poster
Treeclot · 13/08/2016 22:18

Bleugh I wouldn't shag him and definitely couldn't bear to see myself on camera shagging. Then she might sell pirate copies of it and my life would be ruined or kickstarts porn career

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/08/2016 22:18

Don't worry. What goes around always comes around. If he can cheat on you. The mother of his child. He's not going to have any qualms about cheating on some tart.
Let her stick him where the sun don't shine.
However let's not forget who the biggest villain is it all this. Your wanker of a dh. It's unfair to let her take all the blame.

excessiveparanoidNNchanger · 13/08/2016 22:21

If she hadn't targeted you and given you grief then I'd say you'll look bitter. But she did so fuck that give the bitch a taste of her own medicine!
I'm a fairly revenge minded cow if you want to PM me for some help Wink

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