To think if you invite someone round for drinks and a natter

[thepurplehen]

You shouldn't text 3 hours before the meet up to say you've decided to go out with your daughter (who lives with you) instead?

No special occasion or reason. Just a change of mind.

Not the first time either.

It's a bit shitty of her to give such short notice, but not much you can do.
Send a text back like " don't worry we can catch up another time hope you have fun! "
And wait for her too arrange next time so you're not put out.
There quite possibly could be a plausible reason why she cancelled like her daughters having a crappy time etc.

YANBU.

It's rude.

She's one of my oldest friends. She would tell me if there was something going on with her daughter.

I would expect a phone call, not a cop-out text.

YANBU. Not cool. And I'd expect a phone call too.

I'm pretty pissed off.

Can't bring myself to reply without being sarcastic.

She can go out with her daughter anytime.

I don't begrudge her time with anyone but there's been a few times where it's been clear that my company is only wanted if there's nothing better on offer.

"Thank you for letting me know"

And then just sulk ignore her until you can get your head around how you now feel about your friendship! Is this the last straw, perhaps?

This would annoy me too. One of my pals is flakey like this. I don't prioritise our arrangements as she cancels them so often and I have stopped getting special food and drink in for her visits.

An honest conversation about how this makes you feel is probs the best way forward.

I had a friend like this, cancelled last minute many times, with various reasons, some believable and some not. I finally got fed up with her behaviour and called it a day. Who needs the stress and being made to feel second best, you deserve better.

It's happened a few times? Why still bother to make plans with her?

I organised a big Xmas get together once and arranged it for the only date she could do, which actually caused lots of inconvenience. Guess who text on the day to say she couldn't come?! I told her my feelings and she came for a few hours. Obviously I didn't get the message across.

I like the "thanks for letting me know".

I bother because she has been a brilliant friend to me in the past.

You've answered it yourself, you feel your company is only wanted if there is nothing better on offer so either confront her or let the friendship die.

Personally, I'd have to have it out with her but you may feel differently.

I have a friend who called me an hour before to cancel an important event because another friend couldn't make it ... I ranted at my husband about her flakiness and inability to do anything without friend number 2 , 5 minutes later she called me back to say she would come after all. - I still wonder whether she'd heard my tirade before I'd put the phone down properly

Ynbu. It's horrible when you get let down, especially on a Saturday night.

As you are very good friends, why not ask if she realises how this comes across and remind her it's not the first time? Tell her the cancellations make it seem as if you're not important to her.

my sister does this. except she just "forgets"
drives me mad
now i don't allow her to pre-arrange anything. just tell her to call me on the day if she can definitely make it. could that work? at least you're not prioritising this friend or arranging your life around her flakiness.

Tell her she can still come round and bring her daughter too.

The more the merrier?

She's your best friend. Call her, tell her calmly and honestly how it makes you feel.

This is not 'best friend' behaviour.

I sympathise. I organised a small New Year's Eve gathering at my house one year and from 6pm onwards, started to get texts from several guests saying they couldn't come for one reason or another. We were left with just one family and my parents attending in the end, and a mountain of food! .

I will never host a party at home again.

One of my oldest friends is exactly like this. It's become a bit of a standing joke between Dh and I now, that when I have an arrangement to go out with her, I go for a bath and get my jammies on, and await the cancellation text. I don't let it bother me any more, although the excuses are a wee bit insulting to my intelligence - stuff like grannies being rushed into hospital , which seem to happen with some regularity around teatime on a Saturday. I guess our friendship has run its natural course, we have little in common any more as our lives have gone in different directions. Neither of us wants to voice it, that's all.

I think you're right about the friendship changing. We are different people now but I'd rather she just didn't invite me and we drifted apart.

I've sent a curt, but polite reply back and then I've had a load of questions back showing an interest in my life. Strange. If she was that interested I'd be telling her in person.

I'd be massively pissed off.

She knows she's pissed you off so is asking the questions to make it up to you, in her mind. She doesn't want to lose you as a friend but just have you hang in there in case she's bored and wants to do something.

It's as if this entire thread was written about my own Flaky Friend.

This is exactly how she operates - down to using the actual excuse Jock used as an example, last week!

Interestingly, as we all get older and have more commitments and less patience, people are starting to cop on and are not inviting her anymore.

Zucker hit the nail on the head.