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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parent of child's friend asking my children to lie

37 replies

Mumofyoungteenagers · 12/08/2016 22:21

My sons who are v young teenagers have a friend the same age. They only see him in holidays as they go to school and their friend is home schooled. Their friend loves spending time with my boys. Yesterday he went out with us after telling his mother where he was (my boys both saw the texts and heard the calls) however he didn't tell her we were going swimming because he knew she'd say no and then lied about his mother being home so my DH wouldn't drop him back at his door. Later that evening his father came round saying he'd been hunting the village for hours saying no one knew where he was and denied the lad had told him mother. We were planning on all going out the next day Pokemon go hunting (yes I know) but his parents say he couldn't go because of his behaviour over the swimming. I was fine with that it's their son I am not going to interfere with their parenting choices.

However this morning I had a text from the mother asking me if my sons would ring him and say we weren't going out today as one of them was poorly as she had to go out with her daughter and she said she couldn't afford to have her son upset at her because he isn't allowed to come with us.

I said I wouldn't encourage my boys to lie but I was happy for them to call Their friend and say he couldn't come today because I had said no (because I had said to my boys prior to that I didn't want to take him out PG hunting because he had lied to my DH and I would have explained that to him when I next saw him that it was the consequence of his lies to me).

Also I felt a bit peeved because she had lied to her DH about knowing where he was. My boys duly rang and explained simply I had said no about him coming out with us today with no other explaination.

However I have now found out she is really angry because I wouldn't do as she asked and now her son is ignoring my boys and they are upset.

AIBU? Should I have done as she asked? I just didn't like her asking me to ask my boys to lie just so she didn't look like the bad guy. I don't know what to do now??

OP posts:

Becky546 · 12/08/2016 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Claireabella1 · 12/08/2016 22:23

This is so weird. No, don't lie just tell her you don't want to be involved. What a bizarre situation

Primaryteach87 · 12/08/2016 22:24

YANBU Keep out of her mind games!

gamerchick · 12/08/2016 22:24

No you did the right thing don't give it another thought.

If this comes up again tell her it's not your problem if she can't tell her husband the truth, to seek help if there is a problem and not drag you into it again.

Original poster

Mumofyoungteenagers · 12/08/2016 22:51

I know bizarre right? I just couldn't believe what I was reading. My boys are only just teenagers and are trying to cope with changing lives, senior school etc and they just feel baffled by all this. They may have their faults but they are as honest as the day is long and just can't understand his mum. They also feel a bit sorry for him as he is home schooled and hardly sees anyone during term time so try and really include him during the holidays. I just wanted reassurance I guess, that saying no wasn't me getting my arse in the air!

OP posts:

Lilacpink40 · 12/08/2016 22:54

Feel sorry for her DS, but you've got to protect your own DCs. I wouldn't encourage that friendship.

CodyKing · 12/08/2016 23:06

The mom sounds like a nightmare -

How do things stand withy the boy now?

DeathStare · 12/08/2016 23:10

No YANBU and I would have done the same as you.

The other mother clearly has a more flexible relationship with the truth though, so no matter what you do she's not going to see it the same way

bumsexatthebingo · 12/08/2016 23:14

Of course yanbu. And I wouldn't have got your boys to make you out to be the bad guy not letting him come with you today either. If the mother is going to punish him then she should do it herself. Also if she was going to make out like him not going was due to your son being ill rather than her son's lying then why even stop him going at all? The family sound weird.

Griphook · 12/08/2016 23:14

Yanbu. No way should you get your boys to lie, she's wrong to even ask.

I would also ask why she lied to her husband?

clam · 12/08/2016 23:25

Let her be angry. She's in the wrong. Her problem.

PurpleTango · 12/08/2016 23:28

YABU. It was the other boys mother who said he shouldn't accompany you today. You should have let her explain her actions. Why did you involve yourself?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 12/08/2016 23:31

Of course she was unreasonable asking your children to lie but I am more concerned that she is resorting to this after lying to her husband about a total non-issue.

What's going on in her house? It doesn't sound very healthy. Is she afraid of her husband?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 12/08/2016 23:33

Agree with Moving. There is something strange going on in that house.

MadamDeathstare · 12/08/2016 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chancesareabadthing · 12/08/2016 23:50

Too much manipulation going on! Mum should speak to dad, if I had time I would call her out on that to see if she is afraid of him. Don't help with lies as it won't help her or her son in the long run.

smellyboot · 12/08/2016 23:59

Does she think they are all age 4?

CodyKing · 13/08/2016 00:49

If my DD was missing I think I'd call DH as one of the first ports of call?

They may have been in contact or remember something was asked:said??

Strange

ImissGrannyW · 13/08/2016 03:05

I think that when you home-school (for whatever reasons) you in-a-way cut yourself/your family off from 'normal'. It's like you live on the top of a hill and everyone else lives at the bottom, so the normal rules don't apply.

For whatever reasons this family do home-school, which they have every right to do, but it doesn't mean you have to buy-in to their ideology.

I really respect the way you've handled this. I think you've been very straight.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/08/2016 03:10

God how weird. Why all the lying? It must be confusing and stressful in their house, it confuses and stresses me just reading about it!

Agree with everyone else, HER problem. I feel sorry for the kid though.

KoalaDownUnder · 13/08/2016 03:11

You are being totally reasonable.

Their setup sounds dysfunctional.

AnnaMarlowe · 13/08/2016 03:16

I would have refused to lie.

I would have absolutely refused to ask my children to lie.

Why wouldn't the boy have been allowed to go swimming?

chocoLit · 13/08/2016 03:19

What a weirdly tangled web she weaves lying to her kids. And there, that Apple didn't fall far did it now??

Leave that WELL alone..... Better off out of it. You're right. She's wrong.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/08/2016 04:44

Poor kid. His parents aren't teaching him the right lessons if he thinks it's ok to constantly lie.

Groovee · 13/08/2016 04:50

I wouldn't be happy about having my children lie to their friend. I think you handled it fine and the parents need to consider who they are actually angry with.

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