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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dh not to go out tomorrow?

76 replies

PlaymobilPirate · 12/08/2016 15:53

We have no living room floor - just 3 joists at the minute as they all need replacing.

To get to the kitchen we have to go 2 houses down and through the cut (carrying meals, drinks, washing, dirty dishes etc back and forth. We're living in just the bedrooms.

We've just come back from holiday today - last week dh said that he'd not go to the match if he'd not finished the floor... today he said he wants to go!

We have a 3 year old so living like this is a bit of a nightmare!

Wibu to say he 'can't' go??

OP posts:
pearlylum · 12/08/2016 16:53

Putting the safety and comfort of your family second to watching some half wits kick a ball about a muddy field is not the mark of a considerate man.

Uphegoesdownhegoes · 12/08/2016 16:58

You take LO to the match, he does the floor?

WannaBe · 12/08/2016 17:00

It's only a game If the floor needs doing to the extent the house is unsafe I would go bellistic at him for wanting to go and watch a game rather than finish what wanted to be done.

And the first game of the season is meaningless - it's not as if there will be any idea of who might win the league at this stage.....

That being said, no adult should have the right to tell another adult they can't go out - but it would cause arguments......

harshbuttrue1980 · 12/08/2016 17:01

Why don't you both get up early and make a good start on it before he goes out? There's no reason why you can't get started before 10am. If you offer to get up and help him then he might be more amenable to doing it. Can't he do a bit while you watch the kids, then you do a bit while he watches the kids? Just because he's got a penis, it doesn't mean that he enjoys doing DIY, in the same way that not all women love ironing and want to do it all.

Pinkheart5915 · 12/08/2016 17:01

Why can't he get on with it a little tonight? It doesn't get dark early

Why can't he get up early tomorrow do a good 4-5 hours work then go to the match and finish off Sunday?

Me and dh are both pretty relaxed about the other going out etc but there is no way he'd go out of I had NO floor

LineyReborn · 12/08/2016 17:07

Do you have the right drill and bits? The timber? The flooring?

harshbuttrue1980 · 12/08/2016 17:16

Why is everyone assuming that "he" needs to get on with it?? If a man posted on here saying "the ironing is spilling over the basket and my wife wants to go out tonight", wouldn't everyone be up in arms?? Its 2016. A penis doesn't necessarily mean a desire to do DIY. A vadge doesn't necessarily mean a love of housework. Both this couple work, so they can share the DIY.
Does no one consider the fact that the DH just might not want to do it? If neither of you want to do it, then pay someone to do it. Its the weekend, you both work, so buy yourself some time by getting someone in to do it. If someone is stalling to this extent, take the hint - he doesn't want to do it.

LineyReborn · 12/08/2016 17:20

I'm not assuming at all.

But someone needs to know what they're doing - this involves a saw and a power drill - and the OP says she's relying on the OH. So I'm guessing she's not au fait with doing it herself?

LineyReborn · 12/08/2016 17:22

Actually, maybe the OH doesn't really know how to do it? Hence waiting for the mate.

It's really not an easy job.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 12/08/2016 17:28

Dh is a builder - I'd do myself damage even trying to wield a power saw!!

OP posts:
YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 12/08/2016 17:30

Depends who he supports. If they are shite he should stay at home Grin

harshbuttrue1980 · 12/08/2016 17:32

I didn't mean my comment to be aimed at you specifically, Liney, just the general assumption from all the comments that "he" is the one who shouldn't be going out until he has done as he is told, and people would go "ballistic" at the man who has neglected to lay the flooring and punish him by not letting him out until its done. A man is seen as selfish and a bad partner if can't or doesn't want to do manual jobs at the weekend after a working week, and that's totally unfair.

The mate was going to be doing the labouring - the OP could do this, as the labouring part involves things like holding bits of wood steady etc. Usually, if you offer to do something as a team, it becomes less of a burden. Or just get someone in to do it.

It just really gets me that we have (thankfully) moved away from a time when housework was the woman's responsibility, but we still seem as a society to see DIY as something that all men want to do and that all men are capable of doing. I'm not practical at all, but neither is my boyfriend. Therefore, the cost of hiring someone to do tasks like assembling furniture etc get factored into our plans. There's no way I'd expect him to do it just because he has a penis.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 12/08/2016 17:32

They are shite!! 😉 2 diy trips down - only starting work now 😣 he'll be wanting to pack in by 7pm!!

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 12/08/2016 17:33

Cross posted. You could still give him a hand - and if he's been building all week, he might not want to do it at the weekend as well.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 12/08/2016 17:34

Harsh - I don't mind getting my hands dirty but I'm no competent tradesperson.

Also difficult for both of us to do it as small kids and building sites don't mix well

OP posts:
Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 12/08/2016 17:35

We've been on holiday all week! He doesn't do physical building anymore at work, just job quotes etc

OP posts:
MistressMerryWeather · 12/08/2016 17:39

:o at comparing this to a pile of ironing. This isn't a bit of weekend DIY, having a floor is pretty essential.

There is a lot of holier than thou "You must never tell anyone to do anything" on MN. It's nonsense.

You have a 3 year old. This is dangerous and can't wait another week. Tell him to stop arsing about and get it done.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 12/08/2016 17:43

To be fair muggins is sorting all the holiday washing / ironing and dragging it and the cases etc half way up and down the street!

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 12/08/2016 17:45

I just think it sounds as if he really doesn't want to do it. If he told you you couldn't go out until you have spring cleaned the house top to bottom, I'd say he was BU, and I think this sounds similar. You are basically telling him he has to do something, he doesn't want to do it and is being PA by just leaving it and not manning up and saying no to you, and then you are thinking of punishing him by not letting him go out. It all sounds a bit mother/child rather than two adults.

However, I do think that you have a right to know whether he wants to do it or not. Just ask him! And if he says no, just get someone in without making a fuss. The floor needs done, but there's no law that says it needs to be done by him. He's an equal partner, not your employee.

LineyReborn · 12/08/2016 17:47

If he's a builder then yes, he should do it asap if you can't get directly through your house and you have a very young child.

Why doesn't he want to do it? Not getting it.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 12/08/2016 17:48

He took the floor up though - and promised he'd have it back down before our holiday.

Getting a tradesman isn't an overnight job - all the decent ones are booked up and wouldn't be available on a Saturday with no notice!

OP posts:
WannaBe · 12/08/2016 17:49

There is no comparison between having no floor and the ironing needs doing.

Not having a floor is pretty essential stuff. If he didn't want to do it (and there's nothing wrong with that,) then he shouldn't have started it.

And FWIW I do all the DIY in my house that is within my capabilities, but if my DP had ripped out the floor and had left us without a workable floor and a three year old I sure as hell woudlln't be offering to do it so the poor lamb could bugger off to a football match.

LineyReborn · 12/08/2016 17:49

A competent builder could do that floor on their own.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 12/08/2016 17:49

He's very laid back Lainey and doesn't get the urgency!

OP posts:
MistressMerryWeather · 12/08/2016 17:49

This has nothing to do with how society sees men, the have no floor and he's a builder!

DH is a web developer and if for some strange reason having a website became essential for day to day living and safety I would be on his arse to get it made. Like hell I would pay someone else to do it.

Harsh, even if he doesn't want to do it that's just tough. Grown adults make things like having floors for their children to walk a priority.

Comparing it to ironing and spring cleaning is a bit silly.

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