To ask dh not to go out tomorrow?

[PlaymobilPirate]

We have no living room floor - just 3 joists at the minute as they all need replacing.

To get to the kitchen we have to go 2 houses down and through the cut (carrying meals, drinks, washing, dirty dishes etc back and forth. We're living in just the bedrooms.

We've just come back from holiday today - last week dh said that he'd not go to the match if he'd not finished the floor... today he said he wants to go!

We have a 3 year old so living like this is a bit of a nightmare!

Wibu to say he 'can't' go??

[nocoolnamesleft]

That floor looks like a seriously unsafe environment with a young child. If he's planning on making it to the footie, I presume he's setting his alarm for 5 am, to make an early start cracking on?

[MrsJayy]

Are you all living upstairs as the livingroom is out of bounds can he not understand how stressful that is .

[RJnomore1]

The football is really important but it doesn't trump his child's safety.

[NeedAnotherGlass]

Harsh you are being ridiculous!
This isn't some sexist shit, it's a man who took responsibility to do a job, made the house unsafe for his child, then wants to go and watch football rather than finish the job.
He took responsibility for this task because he is the one who is qualified and able to do it. Even if the OP could do it, how the hell does she do it whilst looking after a 3 year old?
It doesn't even compare to ironing or housework because they are tasks that require no trade skill and don't make the house unsafe if they are not completed.
As for the crap about he might not want to do it - pathetic! He started it, he is more than capable of doing it - he is shirking!
He shouldn't need to be told to do it - it should be blindingly obvious that it is an unacceptable way to expect your family to live and it is his responsibility to get on with it as a matter of priority.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I honestly have no idea what to tell you to do, this would drive me mad.

You have the patience of a saint IMO.

[PlaymobilPirate]

Well he wouldn't kick off but I think he's decided he's going and that's that... the football has come first over lots of things (my birthday, ds' birthday, mothers day...)

We've just had a bit of a row as I said 'I've got 2 quotes to supply and fit the wood burner, should I just book the cheapest?'

He wants to do it himself but only has weekends- he's never done one before so I reckon 2 weekends probably and I'm not chuffed at the prospect!

He's also not booked any of the other trades which he promised to do (he works in the industry so has the contacts or I'd do it...)

[MistressMerryWeather]

What would happen if you just said something like

"Sorry MrPirate but it really doesn't look like you will be going to this match tomorrow, the floor is just too much of a hazard to the kids for you to just leave it for another week. You need to get it finished tomorrow., don't you agree?"

[PlaymobilPirate]

No - we can't move out. 😢

Well it's past 7.30 and he's still working... no floor down though as he's just been putting cables in place or something (his electrician mate was meant to be doing it but dh forgot to ask... do you see a pattern emerging?)

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Either he can stay and do it or I'd book into a hotel with the DC using his credit card till he finishes it. I'm all for equality but for those suggesting the OP does it - have you actually laid a floor yourselves and with small DC to look after as well? It's easy to suggest someone else do it when you have no idea of the physical graft/skill it involves.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

So can you move out?

[MrsJayy]

Its just selfishof him not to finish it to make the house bloody safe traipsing about an unsafe unfinished house would do my head in

[OpenMe]

That's really the issue isn't it Mrs Jayy? Op is expecting to live in a house that's not really habitable.

I dont think he's completely unreasonable to take a few hours off tomorrow afternoon. I do think it's unreasonable to drink so he can't carry on when he gets home

[MrsJayy]

Id move out till it was done i did that years ago dh was being arsey about finishing the kitchen so i went to a friends with dd bugger that he is taking the piss op dont let him.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Saying no would make him an unreasonable arsehole and OP would have every reason to be pissed off at him.

Merrily waving him off with plans to spend the afternoon in the beer garden doesn't solve anything. It's just avoiding the issue.

There is nothing wrong with being angry with someone who is behaving in an unreasonable way.

[UnderseaPineapple]

harshbuttrue1980 You seem like a pathetic man pleaser.

[PlaymobilPirate]

And he has a season ticket- the dc doesn't so can't just take him!

Also the going round to someone's house point... if you came to my house knowing that my Dh has the skills and tools would you still assume that we had decided to get someone in?

[PlaymobilPirate]

harsh we can't do it tomorrow when he gets in as he'll have had a couple of pints...

And did you miss the bit about kids and building sites? I'm not spending the day telling ds to put down the hammer / saw / nail gun!!

[PlaymobilPirate]

Nope - I'm not overly bossy at all. All I've said is 'I thought you were going to give the football a miss this weekend to sort the floor, it's getting really hard doing without it'

All of the furniture is in the kitchen rammed up against the cupboards so can't access anything other than the sink, oven and washer without climbing over 2 stacked settees.

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

harsh your method means there's no solution to the crap way he's approached the job. He took up a floor and then hasn't sorted it out in a decent time frame. His family are suffering for his attitude. If missing the match means he learns a lesson about pulling his finger out then it's worth the stormy atmosphere for a couple of days.

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

He made a promise to have the job done before you went away. He didn't do it. He needs to make it good. The only reason he'll be missing out on the game is his own shit time management.

[harshbuttrue1980]

Yes Mistress, and he has every right to say no :-) So telling rather than negotiating doesn't seem like a good strategy - he's a partner, not an employee.
OP, it seems like you have two choices.

1. Make a song and dance about this. He tells you to piss off, goes with his mates to the footy, you sulk all day, and a gorgeous sunny weekend is ruined. The floor doesn't get done tomorrow, and you both are in stinking bad moods and argue all evening
   
2. Wave him off to the footy, get him to take the kids too. Have a day meeting up with friends sitting out in a sunny beer garden. Both of you start the floor when the kids are in bed, and get up at a decent time on Sunday to finish it.
   

Its up to you what you do, but either way, I'd bet my money that the floor won't be done tomorrow. You have to decide if its worth a bust up or not.

[MistressMerryWeather]

An unironed suit isn't a potential danger to a 3-year-old. :o

You are making this about men and women's jobs when it's nothing of the sort. PlaymobilPirate's builder husband has skills to fix the problem that she does not.

Of course OP can't "not let him out" if he doesn't do it (how could she keep him in?) but she has every right to tell him to get it done.

[OpenMe]

I do think some women posters become disproportionately cross when it's football that's getting in the way of things.

In this instance, of course the floor needs doing but why is it OK to rubbish something that's important to him (and lots if others)? "halfwits" "kick about"

If he had tickets to something more "worthy" yes people would still say he should prioritise a safe home but I don't think thered be the same venom over it.

All told,if he goes, it's only going to delay the job a few hours

[harshbuttrue1980]

I do agree with the point about him ripping it up in the first place - he shouldn't have promised something he couldn't deliver.
OP, are you being overly bossy about it though, causing him to dig his heels in? If my boyfriend ordered me around and said I couldn't go out, I'd get even more stubborn.
If I were you, I'd just say, "Its stressing me out not having the floor down. Are you still happy to do it? If not, then I'm going to ring round to get some quotes".
Wannabe and Mistress, having a floor and having ironed clothes for work are both pretty essential! My point is that I don't see everything requiring a tool as being a man's job and everything involving homemaking as a woman's job. If I went into a house and saw they had no floor, I'd just assume both of them didn't want to lay the floor and were saving up for a tradesman to do it.
Mistress, you seriously think its OK for one partner to tell the other to do something, and not to let them go out if they don't do it?? You don't think that's even slightly wrong??