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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask why some people are so cruel?

70 replies

Moochie01 · 11/08/2016 22:19

My parents are visiting and took us out for a meal this evening. I offered to get the tip as they were settling the bill, but realised I had no cash so nipped out to the cash machine at a bank a few doors down.

I was rushing to get back to the restaurant so walked quickly, and apparently inadvertently overtook a man who had also been heading to the ATM. He had to queue for about two seconds while the lady at the other cash machine finished. As he got to the front of the queue he glared at me and said "you really need to lose weight you know". Now I know it's not really up there with all of the horrible things happening in the world, but AIBU to feel devastated by this? I've never had a stranger say something so intentionally hurtful to me, I don't know why anyone would think its ok to do that. I haven't managed to lose much baby weight and I'm quite conscious of it, so maybe just being over sensitive. I'm too embarrassed to even mention it to my husband, but I really just want to sit here and cry.

OP posts:
Bomb · 11/08/2016 23:59

I think The best thing is to not bother to think of witty clever put downs but to simply to tell them to fuck off or something similar.

JohnLithgowsLargeForehead · 12/08/2016 00:37

I agree with others that he is obviously a deeply unhappy and bitter person. Just imagine how miserable he is to want to inflict a comment like that on someone.

ArmySal · 12/08/2016 00:42

What a dick head.

Nellyphants · 12/08/2016 07:09

The best response to somebody like this is to give them a huge smile. Say nothing. Nothing will annoy them more.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 12/08/2016 07:16

Wow, what a Class A Cunt.

Please don't let someone so disgusting and woman hating bring you down. He would never have said anything to a man.
He's the one with the problem.

Flowers
FuckFaceMagee · 12/08/2016 07:24

What an arsehole he is. Hate pricks like that.

midgetgem2211 · 12/08/2016 07:29

Because he is clearly a cunt Flowers

TheCricketWidow · 12/08/2016 07:32

Brilliant violetbam !!
It hurts when this happens, dont waste any more energy thinking about it.

pallasathena · 12/08/2016 07:50

I find saying 'There's a village missing its idiot right now isn't there?" complete with head tilt and sad face, remarkably effective . It takes them a while to react too so you just throw them a sympathetic smile and jog on.
Twats.

splendide · 12/08/2016 07:51

It is horrible when someone does something like this. Similar has happened to me and it's not something I've ever managed to brush off despite knowing that I knew I was fat anyway and knowing that a stranger's view shouldn't hurt me.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2016 07:59

A big smile with a sympathetic look, which genuinely recognises how unhappy they are is probably the best way to deflect your pain. IE refusing to respond in kind. They are angry and are trying to pass their anger because it is too painful for them to feel. Only you can choose not to accept it.

Germgirl · 12/08/2016 08:02

Someone said something similar to me the other day. I've actually lost 8 stone in the last year but I'm still fat, twat in Sainos car park shouted 'hey fatty! You could do with going on a diet'
I surprised myself by replying 'no fucking shit Sherlock. Got any other pearls of wisdom?' before flouncing off into the shop.
I was shaking afterwards which annoyed me because he was just a dickhead & didn't deserve to make me feel shaky but I was quite pleased with my off the cuff response.
Seriously though, there are idiots everywhere sadly, ignore and move on. One day he will pick on the wrong person.

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 12/08/2016 08:48

Amazing weight loss germ!! Well done.

I remember doing self defence at school and the guy saying that the one comment that stops a twat in his tracks is looking in astonishment and saying "oh god I know you - I used to know your mum - how is she?" Really freaks them out apparently.

Bellasima20 · 12/08/2016 09:59

Always have this ready to retort to any lowlife who is cruel and nasty for absolutely no reason- "and you need to loose your ugliness- inner and outer". Bastard.

JohnLithgowsLargeForehead · 12/08/2016 10:09

I love the big smile idea, seem like you haven't acknowledged their cruelty. The opposite reaction to what they want!

whathaveiforgottentoday · 12/08/2016 10:14

The correct reply to this is 'fuck off you wanker'

I'm sorry you came into contact with a complete knob and try not to let his knobbyish behaviour get you down.

roseteapot101 · 12/08/2016 10:31

some people are really pathetic dont let it get to you

i remember at college we were asked to form groups for a task as we were at the start of term and i only knew a few of my classmates.I walked up to a girl introduced myself smiled but she purposefully turned her back to me.

I walked off confused

A friend later told me she was a white supremacist ,never in my life had i been treated like that for being mixed race.

When it comes to bully's dont let them win by being offended or upset .By being upset you have let them win

headinthecloud · 12/08/2016 11:28

What a nasty and malicious fucker. I'm sorry you had to encounter someone like him. Flowers

Ledkr · 12/08/2016 15:23

Someone called me "fatty" the other week in a car park because I'd refused to be bullied by him and suggested that he'd not speak to a man like that.
Like you I felt dreadful for days and the size of a hippopotamus (I'm a 16) I've had 5 kids so not exactly slinky but I didn't feel as fat and crap as he made me!
I think some mysogonists just think it's the best way to get at a woman, no I'm not slim but I'm pretty and dress nicely with lovely hair. He just made me forget that for a while, obviously it's him with the issue and not you.

Wanker.

chough · 12/08/2016 16:37

Moochie, it's hard not to dwell on things, but I hope you've been reassured by all these lovely messages of support.
You did well standing up to him ( don't think I would have managed that).
I agree with previous posters who say he is not a happy person in himself to treat others like that.
Hope you can put this behind you.

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