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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some people are so cruel?

70 replies

Moochie01 · 11/08/2016 22:19

My parents are visiting and took us out for a meal this evening. I offered to get the tip as they were settling the bill, but realised I had no cash so nipped out to the cash machine at a bank a few doors down.

I was rushing to get back to the restaurant so walked quickly, and apparently inadvertently overtook a man who had also been heading to the ATM. He had to queue for about two seconds while the lady at the other cash machine finished. As he got to the front of the queue he glared at me and said "you really need to lose weight you know". Now I know it's not really up there with all of the horrible things happening in the world, but AIBU to feel devastated by this? I've never had a stranger say something so intentionally hurtful to me, I don't know why anyone would think its ok to do that. I haven't managed to lose much baby weight and I'm quite conscious of it, so maybe just being over sensitive. I'm too embarrassed to even mention it to my husband, but I really just want to sit here and cry.

OP posts:
thisisafakename · 11/08/2016 22:50

Reassure yourself that he must feel pretty inadequate to say something like that. Normal people don't hurl cruel insults at people they don't know. The people who do that are the ones who know they are losers and have to take every opportunity to put someone down to feel a tiny bit better.

I accidentally bumped into a guy once and got a mouthful of abuse about how I was a 'fat bitch'. You could hear the hatred in his voice and I just felt sorry for him. Although I did also cry when I got home, but I think that's normal.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 11/08/2016 22:52

OP, be grateful for what you have and be sad for what this man lacks in his life to feel he is justifiable in making these remarks. You have a little family who love you and want to be with you. I very much doubt he has this, or he wouldn't be so unkind. I promise you, this is not a happy, content person. Take a deep breath, and look at what you have. You are obviously kind, or you would not be shocked by such a remark. Go back to your family, relish feeling safe and loved, and be glad you are not on the outside looking in.

Lilicat1013 · 11/08/2016 22:54

Ignore him, he is obviously a complete dick. Bear in mind he didn't choose to comment on your weight because of your weight. He commented on it because it was an easy way to be nasty, many women are unhappy with their weight so if you are aiming to be hurtful to a female stranger it is an easy target.

He wasn't looking at you thinking about how much you weigh or that you needed to lose weight, he was looking at you thinking what could I say that would upset you/hurt your feelings because he is a dick. Try not to take it personally.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 11/08/2016 22:55

I'd have said "I had a baby. What's your excuse?"

He's a twunt. Twunts aren't worth your time.

I fairly recently had my second baby and couldn't give a damn about being bigger than my default weight. My body has grown, birthed and fed 2 people! I'm very proud of my curves, and so should you be SmileWine

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/08/2016 22:55

A similar thing happened to me Fake. A "man" bumped in to me and called me all the stupid fucking bitches going.
I gave him a right mouthful back. I think he was a bit taken aback. I've got a face off bay watch and a mouth of crime watch.
Or you could say I'm lovely until I open my Or until a twat winds me the fuck up. . Grin

mumtofivepreg · 11/08/2016 22:55

wow bravo you for managing to ask him that about his mother or sister, what an utterly perfect response ! You should feel proud X
i totally understand why ud be feeling sad and shocked, it's just awful. I bet he has a tiny little pecker and just hates all women as a result.

Keep holding your head high
and by the by id rather be fifty stone then be the sort of person who would feel ok making that sort of comment to a woman.

I hope karma shits alllll over him

Get a good nights sleep and try and put it out of ur head, it was really about His issues, Not you X

summerholsr2long · 11/08/2016 22:55

What an ignorant idiot, please don't dwell on this strange man and his bad manners.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 11/08/2016 22:57

Just read that back. Just to clarify, you should be proud of your curves and I'll be proud of mine Grin

Too much Wine this evening!

YouOKHun · 11/08/2016 23:04

He's all of the things others have called him but most of all he's an unhappy individual. What he said to you says so much more about the state he's in than it tells me about you. You'll put this behind you, he'll probably spend his life feeling slighted and acting irrationally. Flowers

GingerbreadGingerbread · 11/08/2016 23:04

He's a bully. Please try and forget this- he must be very miserable indeed to attempt to hurt a stranger in such a nasty way. Disgusting behaviour from him I'm sure you look gorgeous do not let this upset you.

VioletBam · 11/08/2016 23:04

You should have said, "Still faster than you though eh!" and laughed in his face.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 11/08/2016 23:07

I am sad to say this probably wont be the last time you hear nasty things.

I've had it. I remember once, 2 weeks after having DC a woman turned to her partner and said 'If I ever get like that kill me' I was a size 16 at the time and nowhere near as huge as I have been (biggest for me is a 20, smallest a 10)

the only thing that has saved me with my up and down weight. Mastering a few put downs of my own.

to one particularly vile man in a pub I said rather loudly. 'yes, love. I'm fat but I wont eat your dick. You're safe' he scuttled off so fast I didn't even have time to enjoy watching his jaw drop.

Italiangreyhound · 11/08/2016 23:08

Moochie you are not wrong to be upset but he is WRONG to be a twat. Please, please ignore him. Maybe by over taking a man you hurt his pride! Just forget it.

And enjoy your lovely life not tainted by such wankers! Thanks

FoxesOnSocks · 11/08/2016 23:09

I think it's safe to say even if you had lost all the baby weight and where a whisp of a thing he'd have commented that you:

Are skinny bitch and need to eat something
An Ugly bitch who should wear makeup
In need of a boob job
Need a nose job

Wouldn't matter, doesn't even need to be true, he was pissed that someone (at a guess a, horror, WOMAN dared be faster than him)

Prat.

Take a deep breath realise what you have in your life and what he hasn't (I'll give you a clue - happiness)

2kids2dogsnosense · 11/08/2016 23:15

What a git!

What gives anyone the idea that they can comment (unkindly - I'm a great believe in compliments) on other people's appearance? I bet he was no great shakes himself.

ScarlettSahara · 11/08/2016 23:16

OP he is not worth another thought- seriously. He must be really unpleasant to live with- throws his toys out the pram when he doesn't get his way. He was looking for the biggest club to hit you with.

FWIW I would have felt upset & shocked like you -always am when people behave in a vile way. Fortunately lovely people come along to restore my faith in humanity Flowers

biggles50 · 11/08/2016 23:17

How truly horrible for you. Your anger and humiliation will pass and you'll feel better. He's a silly man who felt angry because he felt you'd pushed in front of him and the insult was designed to put him in front again. I was staying in a hotel recently in Galway and there were two American girls who delighted in mocking my London accent and sniggering at me whilst in a lift. I wanted to punch them in the face but shot them a withering look Instead. I kept playing the scene over and over in my head upsetting myself. Try not to agonise over it, each time he enters your head picture this thread and all the good vibes we're sending.

ThisIsPlanetEarth · 11/08/2016 23:22

He is vile, agree with others he probably has a sad life unlike you. One response I like is- I can lose the weight, what can you do about your face?! Not nice but some people deserve it and he certainly does! I would have been upset too, why is it we always remember the bad thing people do but not always the good others do, remember there are a lot of good people in the world x

BurningBridges · 11/08/2016 23:30

Its not about your weight or anyone else's though is it, he just happened to a hit a nerve but what would you have done/thought/posted if he's said "oi you fucking bitch you just pushed in"- because he may just as well of said that, and he'd still be a cunt being abusive in public.

I think by discussing it in terms of weight you're giving it more thought than it deserves - he was abusive, he might even have been dangerous, sadly people like this are everywhere.

LizB62A · 11/08/2016 23:35

You "need to lose weight" but you still beat him to the cashpoint - he's just a sore loser !
Ignore the tw@t - his feelings were hurt, that's all.

MammaTJ · 11/08/2016 23:36

Your reply was brilliant, well done! Win to you!

augustusdecimus · 11/08/2016 23:48

One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake.”

Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”

The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, “It would belong to me, because I bought the gift.”

The Buddha smiled and said, “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger.

If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you.

maninawomansworld01 · 11/08/2016 23:50

He's an arsehole.
Don't worry, one day he will mouth off at the wrong person and get punched!

Rainbunny · 11/08/2016 23:51

Well to paraphrase somebody famous " I may need to lose some weight but I've just had a baby and I will lose the weight, you will still be a dick twenty years from now!" Of course great responses always occur to me after the event...

gillybeanz · 11/08/2016 23:57

What a complete and utter wanker, not deserving of the word twat.
I like the little finger wiggle the best, and then laugh. They don't like that.