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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stay home all day?

70 replies

Jmangel · 09/08/2016 15:11

Just had one of those can't be bothered getting dressed and made up days as my skin is having a shocking rosacea outbreak and I'm exhausted coming back from a family holiday - which believe was not a holiday!
So decided to stay home with DDs 4 and 6.
We've done baking, painting, monopoly, stencilling and sequin art plus dress up and a DVD. They are having a lovely day getting to play with things they usually don't have time for as we're rushing around all the time.
DH has just popped home for 10 minutes and first thing he said when he saw me in my slobs and no make up face was, "so you haven't taken them out yet?" in a really disapproving tone.
This has totally pissed me off especially the yet which implies I still should! I had planned to have a toy room clean up and put away holiday packing before making dinner. Just feel like he thinks I've done nothing all day. Sorry needed to vent.

OP posts:

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 10/08/2016 09:23

He is BU, it's unnecessary to go out every single day. I'd make sure I didn't dress too slobbily though - don't make it obvious that you're not making an effort. As you've found, there's loads of stimulation if you use your imagination and do creative things.

There's a couple of days a week when I don't go out and there's plenty to do - there's no such thing as boredom in my book but I'm always washed and dressed unless I'm very, very poorly - if only for my own self-respect.

5moreminutes · 10/08/2016 09:24

Of course in an ideal world unstructured days would not be all indoors - some of us are lucky to live in places where kids can still go on unaccompanied bike rides in small groups with siblings/ friends once they reach a certain age, and have green space to kick a ball and play out with the neighbour kids etc. etc. - that is perfect. Failing that lots of people are lucky enough to have big gardens and kids who play out there alone/ with siblings/ with neighbour kids or friends.

Lots of people live in places where outdoor space is not available at all unless the kids are put in the car or actively escorted by parents to a park or attraction or whatever - in that situation parenting must be a lot harder to do, especially in a hands off, "let them learn to find their own entertainment" way...

The OP wasn't doing an unstructured day or sticking the kids in front of screens though - there can't have been much of a pause for breath (aside from watching one DVD together) as they had a packed schedule of indoor activities worthy of a child minder or holiday club on a rainy day.

paxamdays · 10/08/2016 09:26

I'm not ashamed to admit this happens more than once during summer break in our house. DS loves a day at home, as do I. He will get out all his toys, draw, paint, play games and dress up too, while I might get some housework done, play with him and potter round the garden if it's not wet. We're home birds! My DH hates it though and will go stir crazy. Admittedly we do go out to walk the dog a couple of miles so it's not that much of a lazy day.

So no YANBU. You can't go out every single day!

itsonlysubterfuge · 10/08/2016 09:26

Days out in this house are special days. We do not get out of the house very often. DH and I are inside people. MIL links every "problem" DD has to that fact that she doesn't get much fresh air. DD has really sensitive eyes and wears her sunglasses whenever she goes outside, MIL says she probably has sensitive eyes because she doesn't go outside enough and she's going to have to get use to it. DD is an early riser and of course it's because she doesn't get enough fresh air. On and on it goes.

Enjoy your fun inside day, I think all those things you did sound lovely and I bet your children really enjoyed it, nevermind what your husband thinks.

paxamdays · 10/08/2016 09:26

Beyond You are my hero

joellevandyne · 10/08/2016 09:27

People like your husband really exist?!

I don't have particularly over scheduled kids (4YO has kindy three days, music class on another day, 2YO has one playgroup day, gym and music) but at least once a week they want to have "a whole day at home, no going out, Mummy!"

I'd have a nervous breakdown inside six months if I had to organise outings every single day, and the kids would do the same long before.

RavioliOnToast · 10/08/2016 09:29

Not at all. That's my plan for today...

Dandelion6565 · 10/08/2016 09:29

We don't go out everyday to do something. We do walk the dog, which is usually a three mile walk, that necessity though, plus the children are more pleasant after exercise.
They do ask for pj days and occasionally I say yes. ( really they can't be bothered to get ready)

My DH is more of a planner, always asking our plans for the day. He doesn't understand they just need down time. We hAve lots of toys/ trampoline/ climbing frame. I had very little at their age but managed to occupy myself. He does make me feel a bit guilty but I do bus trips, swimming, park, woods and educational stuff so I think balance is good.

They are always welcome to help with cleaning if bored

Timetogrowup2016 · 10/08/2016 09:33

Yanbu.
I have one day a week at home with my dd who is 6 months.
My mum treats me like I've harmed her in some sort of way for that...

Wdigin2this · 10/08/2016 09:34

OFFS, just tell him to do one!!!!!

SapphireStrange · 10/08/2016 09:51

YANBU.

He is welcome to take them out himself if he's concerned, is he not?

And was he as exhausted as you after the holiday? I'd bet a decent amount of money not. Maybe you need to take your foot off the pedal a bit, OP, and let him step up.

HeCantBeSerious · 10/08/2016 10:03

We do this at least twice a week. I think we all need it. Out every day is just too much.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 10/08/2016 10:03

Yanbu, at all, it is fine to stay at home. As an adult you get to decide what you do. I am shocked that he speaks to you with such contempt, there is your real problem.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 10/08/2016 10:09

I don't get the obsession with being out all the time.
Today my two are entertaining themselves with a couple of cardboard boxes they picked up for free in the supermarket. Sometimes we decorate them, sometimes they put them on their heads and pretend to be knights and charge at each other.
That's what my 5 year old says they are doing anyway. I don't think the toddler cares much.
Like many people there aren't many free or cheap things to do around my way and what is available is usually unpleasantly busy. Sometimes it's nice to do not very much.
We went out yesterday, we'll probably go out tomorrow. We wont today and we wont on Friday. I don't like the feeling of always rushing about.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 10/08/2016 10:09

Lots of people are suggesting you're having a lazy day. Baking, painting, monopoly, stencilling and sequin art plus dress up, as well as tidying the toy room and putting packing away, on top of the usual preparing food and tidying stuff, is NOT a lazy day!

MrsJayy · 10/08/2016 10:14

I know painting baking blah blah I was exhausted just reading that was a very busy not lazy day.

enchantmentandlove · 10/08/2016 12:14

That sounds like a lovely day to me. I am a real homebird, I enjoy going out but love staying at home, baking, crafting & just pottering about. DD is only tiny but I hope she enjoys this too when she's older!

When I was younger I think we had only a few 'big days out' in the summer hols. I sometimes played out with friends but generally just played games with my sister's - making dens, playing fairies etc. As an adult I have a great imagination & when I used to work with children could make anything into a silly game, and I think a big part of that was entertaining ourselves at home.

hellokittymania · 10/08/2016 12:23

YANBU, As an expat in Asia, I lived in a guesthouse for 8 years and had to go out every day. I'm in Vietnam now and really missing being in my kitchen making coffee and reading all day.

SatsukiKusakabe · 10/08/2016 12:23

We've not been on any big outings - we had a week away right at the beginning which was quite active and little one came back with a cold. We're away for another week next week so we've had a lot of quiet days.

We try and get out once a day, just round the block on bikes/trikes, to the shop, couple of local play areas but the rest of the day pottering with a bit of telly. They've been having lots of fun together making up games. I haven't done anything like as structured as in the OP - one of those activities per day rather than all in one!

I picked up a cheap toy garage which they played with yesterday, then they decorated the box it came in, trip to shop on bikes, film in afternoon and dressing up. This morning we've been to the playground and now they're quite tired and having a bit of telly and will probably have some stories too. It'll be paints or playdoh out this afternoon and playing in the garden I expect. We might do one trip to zoo or somewhere, and one further afield to a bigger park, swimming etc, but that's it really in terms of plans. They seem happy enough just to have lots of time to play.

I would be pissed off at my dh coming in and making any sort of comment about my day other than asking how it went and saying that's sounds nice. He's never commented on what we get up to during the day; if he's heard of somewhere nice to go he might suggest it, but not with any sort of pressure. Not very nice to come in and undermine someone's day like that.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 10/08/2016 12:45

I know painting baking blah blah I was exhausted just reading that was a very busy not lazy day. I agree, not a lazy house day at all. Arse/sofa/screen is my idea of a lazy day, oh yeah, with a nap thrown in.

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