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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Time off when parent dies

89 replies

Pasithea · 09/08/2016 12:51

MIL passed away this morning. Due to staff being off. DH work want him in this afternoon and rest of week.
Does anyone know if there is a legal entitlement to leave in these circumstances.

OP posts:

Tabsicle · 09/08/2016 14:29

They sound like utter bastard, and I'm not even sure that's legal. At the very least, surely he gets SSP if signed off? He's been there 19 years.

HermioneJeanGranger · 09/08/2016 14:29

Isn't it illegal not to pay for sick leave? He can claim SSP at the very least. His company are in a very precarious position by refusing to pay sick leave because he's had three weeks off for a breakdown.

I think he has bigger issues with his job than this, though that's probably something that can be dealt with at another time. I'm pretty sure they can't refuse to pay him SSP, though.

DelphiniumBlue · 09/08/2016 14:33

What does he do?
Is he able to work?
I did go to work the day after my dad died, and the day after my gran died. It wasn't all bad, people were kind, and it took my mind off things.

bluebeck · 09/08/2016 14:33

He doesn't have to have signed a contract, but legally he must have been provided with written terms and conditions of employment within two months of starting work.

If he, or other staff have been paid for sick leave in the past then they would be on a very sticky wicket. I would get him (or you) to call ACAS for impartial advice. I know people recommend CAB on here but they are pretty hit and miss in my experience. I am guessing since his employers appear to be dinosaurs, he isn't a union member.

Bearing in mind he has had a breakdown in the past year or so, his mental and emotional well being has to be paramount. If he has to have this time off I would say take it off and fight the employers later. He will still get SSP anyway, and if I were him I would be looking for another job.

Good luck

Rattusn · 09/08/2016 14:39

They legally have to provide him with a contract.

Is he a member of a trade union? It would be good to get some proper advice and support.

Babyroobs · 09/08/2016 14:42

I'm not sure of the legal requirements. My FIL died very suddenly whilst out shopping in february. My dh only had 2 days off work. which was awful. He then took 2 days of leave the next week to go to London to sort funeral arrangements. Most of his leave for the year has been used up already with sorting out FIL's house/ will/ 85 years worth of possessions etc,meaning dh has had no proper holiday and won't do until his leave is renewed at the start of 2017.
Contrast this to my workplace ( NHS) where bereaved collegues take up to 6 months off following the death of a parent. They take it as sick leave/ stress. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, just highlighting the contrast. When my dm died suddenly I took 3 weeks off as to be honest we couldn't afford for me to take longer.
Can your dh get a sicknote from his Gp as I imagine mostpeople would be in no fit state to return to work after a couple of days compassionate leave.

Lorelei76 · 09/08/2016 14:48

bloody hell, they sound evil

there is no legal provision for bereavement leave alas.

They may not pay him for any time the GP suggests but they can't deny it to him, can they?

Does his contract say "Discretionary sick leave"?

Sparklesilverglitter · 09/08/2016 14:54

His contract should say.

My company it is 1 week for parents/siblings/ your own child after that week we have to go to the GP and see about a certificate.

If he was to be singed off as sick for breavement if the company don't pay sick money he should be entilited to statutory sick pay but I'm not sure how you apply do this

Sorry to hear about your DH loss, losing your mum can't be easy 💐

alazuli · 09/08/2016 15:02

that's terrible!

i think most companies offer 3 days off paid. i was lucky - my work gave me a month off unpaid when my mum died. i think most people get their gp to sign them off for stress. if i were your dh i'd call in sick for the rest of the week. there's no way he should be at work.

mollie123 · 09/08/2016 15:15

the thing is sometimes working can be helpful in the interim between death of a parent and the funeral
yes - there needs to be time off for funeral arrangements and the actual funeral but further than that it is not always helpful (talking about death of a parent/grandparent here)
when my father died - I had about a week off in total but went into work in between time to fill the days once arrangements were in motion
when my sister died - this was harder and I went back to work (freelance) too soon thinking it would help but I was ill on and off for at least a month but I would have been the same sitting at home with time to think.
when my Mother died - a week off in total with bouts of work in between.
It depends on the individual of course but time off should be offered however long it takes - we all have differant ways of coping.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/08/2016 17:10

mollie
I think that is a fair point. Some people would be OK working and others wouldn't.

My Dad died in the early hours of a weekend. I went into work and finished off everything that I could and prepared everything else for handover. Then took time off. For me, it was less stressful to sort everything out so I could forget about work for a couple of weeks than to have a nagging worry that there was a problem. (I know my colleagues would have dealt with everything without any complaint - I did it purely for my peace of mind).

AlpacaPicnic · 09/08/2016 17:33

A few years ago now... DH was woken by the police at gone midnight to be told his father had committed suicide. He was in shock as you can imagine. His work (small company) graciously allowed him the morning off but he had to go in for the afternoon. Bastards.

A year later and DH comes across one of his friends attempting to kill himself. DH stays with him all night, talks him down, gets him help. Obviously bringing back all sorts of horrific memories. Called in sick the next day (same job) as soon as he knows the manager is available - told in no uncertain terms to be in work by lunchtime or consider yourself sacked. Double bastards

His mother and I have never forgiven his manager for that...

AlpacaPicnic · 09/08/2016 17:35

Sorry, that was not a helpful post... hit 'post' too soon.

Encourage your DH to call in sick if he can for even just a day. He needs some time to process. My poor DH didn't get anytime and is still angry years later.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 09/08/2016 17:52

Sorry for your loss. I hope your husband didn't go in. 19 years service and they treat him like that, utterly disgusting. Hearts of stone.

Lweji · 09/08/2016 18:03

I mentioned this in the Parent Bereavement thread, I live in another country and legally, everyone gets 5 days for direct relatives (parents, spouses/partners and children) and 2 days for second degree relatives (grandparents and grandchildren).
It is fairer and it makes things easier for everyone.

It's baffling that the UK doesn't have something similar. Certainly worth of a petition or campaigning with MPs.

Lorelei76 · 09/08/2016 18:15

Alpaca, that's so awful.

Is your DH still working in the same place?

In terms of bereavement leave, I think there should be legislation in place but I am not sure how I'd set the terms. I think it would be a bit much to ask to produce a death cert for the employer, also I have a woman who is effectively my grandma but in family terms, I've never met grandparents, they were all dead before I was born. Likewise I have godchildren who barely know 1 set of grandparents.

Also my best friend might as well be another sister. So I don't know how they figure that one out but there must be a way and certainly to ask anyone to be in on the day of a bereavement is extraordinary - I suppose unless it's a life or death service they provide and they literally can't get anyone else...?!

oblada · 09/08/2016 18:19

Time off for dependants - incl funeral arrangement - it's a statutory right but unpaid unless contractual right. Safer than calling off sick as sickness is not protected so depending service this could lead in hot waters.

oblada · 09/08/2016 18:21

Small correction - he can call in sick. Cannot be sacked for a few days off if he has 19yrs service. Up to him too to stand up for himself. It's not about the law but about one dodgy employer and the husband not asserting himself.

ForalltheSaints · 09/08/2016 19:13

Perhaps name who the employer is, if not here, on social media, or talk to the press. Bad publicity for the company as being heartless would not be welcome.

ForalltheSaints · 09/08/2016 19:14

If an employer cannot plan holiday arrangements so that they can cope with one of their team having a bereavement then they are bad planners. Summer holidays have existed since the 1930s.

Ilovewillow · 09/08/2016 19:37

So sorry for your loss! Best to chat to HR if they have one or check contract as this is likely to differ. We own our own business and the standard contract states 2 days and then a further day for the funeral. However, in practice we usual offer a week and then one day for a close relative such as a parent.

AlpacaPicnic · 09/08/2016 20:55

Lorelei, he is, he's worked there forever! But he has a new manager now. Ironically the previous manager was taken very ill very suddenly and DH and the rest of the staff worked round the clock to keep things running. Manager stopped being such a twat after that. But never apologised.

Littleelffriend · 09/08/2016 20:57

My work are the biggest wankers out there normally. But my mum dies last year and I got nearly 3 weeks no questions asked

Amelie10 · 09/08/2016 21:00

He's worked there 19 years and this is how they treat him . I'm sorry for your family's loss op. They sound like an awful company to work for. Best thing would be to try get signed off by a gp for at least a week.

AndNowItsSeven · 09/08/2016 21:02

I would advise you dh to ring in sick, I find it hard to imagine he is mentally well enough to work at the momment.

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