To think there's a difference between banter and flirting.

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My oh seems to think it's the same thing.

If I wind up a friend from a shared hobby (that oh doesn't share, or want to share) about something to do with out hobby that's banter.
I'm married, he's married and I know his wife.

Flirting isn't the same is it?

There is a subtle difference.

I should add that this banter is on Facebook where my husband and his wife can see it

I don't know.
Dp and my friends say I'm a massive flirt, but actually, I think I'm just a friendly smiley person (when I'm down the pub!) - will have a laugh and a joke with men I know and other I don't.
I think it's just lighthearted chatter but dp laughs and says I'm flirting but don't know it!
So maybe, flirting is a perception?
I can explain that to myself in my head but can't seem to find the words to explain it!!

It depends on what your saying snd how your saying it.

I have banter with the lads at work snd it could never be discribed as flirting.

No it doesn't sound like flirting at all, just sounds like you're having a craic. Suspect it is your husbands problem.

Hmm. I would call that joshing.

To me, banter is men telling rape jokes. (But it's just banter, innit?)

Definitely not flirting, though. Not unless it's of a sexual nature. Which, I'm guessing it's not.

There is a difference, but imo it is very easy to cross the line without really realising it.

Either way, if your OH doesn't like it you should stop.

If I was speaking this way to a woman (and I do!) that's fine but if it's a man its wrong even thought there's no attraction there?

Your op is banter.

Constant "how was your weekend, I hope it was eventful, it's my pleasure" is flirting imo.

^oh god yes, sanity that twunt from iacgmooh that used "bantz" all the time. Was delighted when the arrogant sod got evicted, he really was not expecting it.

OP cannot judge without seeing the comments but if there is familiarity there which there will be it can sometimes read as >intimate than intended.

Hmm...I think that there is a difference, but the two massively overlap. Both of them are intended to bond the person bantering with the person they are talking to by reinforcing shared experiences/jokes etc which link them together and by using an 'acceptable' way to push the bounds of intimacy (in that it would be rude for a stranger to 'wind up' your friend that way, but because you are close, it is acceptable - and thereby that behaviour reinforces that you are close).

A lot of the difference is about intent, prior history and the much wider context such a frequency, body language, situation etc, so there are many many conversations that could be interpreted or intended as either quite legitimately.

Either way, if your OH doesn't like it you should stop

Even if her partner is being totally unreasonable?

What a load of old bollocks. People who are doing nothing wrong shouldn't have to stop doing it because some delegate little flower is being unreasonable.

Where do you draw the line.

My partner does not like me communicating with males in any way even my brother and my dad AIBU? Yes because he does not like it so you should stop.

For me, Banter is what I do with my mates. Flirting is what I do if I'm interested in someone romantically or for a one night stand

Fuck that. He is being unreasonable.

Enjoy your hobby and your friends.

oh god yes, sanity that twunt from iacgmooh that used "bantz" all the time

What's iacgmooh?

Can you give an example? It depends - what if the other person is flirting?

For me flirting is when there's a hint of sex/attraction however subtle.
Eg someone made a joke to me and said that they were waiting for their kiss (I'd accidentally sent them a text with a "X" at the end). That's clear flirting. Whereas if they'd joked about how I threw out "Xs" to everyone I'd call that banter.

I think the easiest way to rationalise it, is if he was doing the same with other women, to the same degree, would you see it as banter (hate that word so much) or as flirting? I think that's your answer. If he's getting so humpy about it, is he judging you by his own standards??

Yabu, solely for the use of the word 'banter'.

This is one of those MN posts where 90% of the answers are going to be totally meaningless. Because everyone knows if a woman came on complaining about her DH doing this with a woman and saying it was 'banter' he would be accused of gas lighting, belittling her and emotional abuse and told that if the DW didn't like it he shouldn't be doing it, LTB etc, etc.

Yet because it is a woman apparently humiliating and upsetting her partner with her behaviour towards a member of the opposite sex, it's all his fault and he is BU.

I'm a celebrity get me out of here -iacgmooh

"If OH doesn't like it you should stop"
Really?
REALLY?

Bollocks.

To me banter means speaking like a cunt, I can't stand people that say 'It's just banter!' shortly after saying something offensive.

Yes there is a difference, if two straight men are flirting with each other it's called banter, if a woman joins in she is flirting. Works with sexes reversed as well.

We call it flanter, and it's so much fun as long as everyone is onboard and knows not to take it too far. My DH isn't the jealous type though, might be different if I knew it upset him.

Yes, of course there is a difference between flirting and banter.

That said, I have seen people refer to really, really over flirting as 'banter', when it isn't.

And I have also seen rather jealous people who regard ANY interaction between people of the opposite sex as flirting. Even ordering a cup of coffee .

So, to be honest, we can't really tell whether what's happening in your case is the first or the second without knowing more about what was said.