To think there's a difference between banter and flirting.

[ThisUsernameIsAvailable]

My oh seems to think it's the same thing.

If I wind up a friend from a shared hobby (that oh doesn't share, or want to share) about something to do with out hobby that's banter.
I'm married, he's married and I know his wife.

Flirting isn't the same is it?

*overt not over!

I think the difference is essentially in the intention.

We had this at work recently (bear with me). New coffee kiosks were opened up, all operated by really stunningly beautiful people. Like many baristas, they were trained to be lovely, to remember our names and our usual orders. As a customer, I was happy to join in , learning their names, being glad they remembered my order so that it was ready for me as soon as i got to the front of the queue, rather than being made once i , well, ordered it. A lovely boost to start the day.

There are lots of techie geeks on my team. A couple of the younger ones ( never had a serious girlfriend) were boasting to each other how they had flirted with the (lovely lady barista) She remembered his name and had his coffee ready, asked him about his weekend. I asked them how this was different to me being known by name and usual order and catching up on 'how was your weekend'. Sigh. They were flirting, i was being nice, the words were the same, the intention was not.

Banter is a word that existed long before it was used by the "bantz/Antonio Banteras " type of person. Banter does not mean 'men telling rape jokes'.

What if its only with one female friend, includes brushing arms and rubbing legs together, lots of giggling, sharing food (he passes his fork), deep conversations, lone lunches etc?