To elope?

[laidbackneko]

DP and I have been together 5 years.
Recently we'd been talking about getting married and last night he proposed!

BUT....there are hurdles. I don't get on with his family. Long story short, I feel judged and disapproved of and the idea of them being at our wedding fills me with dread. To the extent that I'd rather not have a wedding at all.

AIBU to want to elope? I know it will upset his family and possibly some of our friends.

To be honest if they are racist then the OP would be perfectly justified in keeping any DC well away from them, and refusing to have anything to do with them.

Elope and have a fabulous time!

They're not overtly racist as such, but say things in passing like "they do things different where loopy comes from." Um, I was born in Hammersmith...

Or, Mil makes "jokes" like "loopy is so lucky she's dark. Must save a fortune on fake tan" cue hysterical laughter from FIL

Loopy that is racism. It's just the pernicious type that people think is acceptable because it's not mean. It's absolutely foul, and I wouldn't stand for it because it will continue, and if you have any children, they will be subject to it too.

Do it!

Me and DP plan to elope for multiple reasons, mainly complications with both of our families. We're going to tell them about our plans beforehand I think, but we want our wedding to be about just the two of us.

I'd rather deal with the fallout from an elopement than deal with the hassle of trying to please the world and his wife when planning a proper wedding.

I'm eloping! In my case it's my family that are the nightmare. DP's family are lovely and he does ideally want them to be there but we can't have the ideal situation because my family being there would ruin it and not inviting them and only having DP's would make me feel incredibly guilty. So we decided to elope then we're having a meal to celebrate afterwards with his family when we'll tell them. Mine...well I rarely see them and we're seriously thinking of not telling them at all...

If you have lots of other lovely people around you though then it might just help you get through a day where they're there. Just surround yourselves with the positive people and let them look mean on their own.

Good luck whichever route you go down.

Yes, I know - and agree with you Procrastinator. That's why I don't like spending time with them.
But I was making the point that I don't think that they are even aware that they are being racist.
DP points it out to them all the time but they just shrug it off with a "oh, don't be so sensitive. you know we're only trying to be friendly and have a laugh with loopy. She knows we're not racist. The worlds gone made with all this PC nonsense"

No matter how many times DP and I challenge them, they don't take it on board. And have somehow turned it around that I'm standoffish and reject them. Too bloody right I do!

You really can't argue with stupid.

So happy to know other planned elopments!
Congrats!

Can't argue with it, but imagining them doggy paddling in quicksand for eternity may offer some light relief.