WWYD Re DSDs wanting to come on holiday

[Cutecat78]

I am going to "out" myself here but I am a bit beside myself.

Booked a holiday for us and our 6 kids. (None together).

OH got sent away for work. He is totally out of the picture right now.

DSDs (9 and 11) still massively excited about coming. Which was great. Was actually really looking forward to having a week with them.

I went to see them a few weeks ago (ex wife and I were v friendly) and was worried about living arrangements (ex wife renting massive house and has 4 lodgers, 3 male no DBS checks - everyone getting drunk), lots of other concerns.

I drove away v worried so messaged her best friend who said she had been messaging ex wife mum and suggested I did the same.

So I did saying please can you keep an eye as am very worried I don't want to say anything and offend ESP as we have this holiday booked and she (ex wife) has form for threatening no access.

Her mum did nothing other than tell her I had messaged and what I said.

Predictably she has said I can no longer have a relationship with the kids and she "has asked" them if they want to come away and they don't (apparently).

I have said if they change their minds that's fine please let me know.

Holiday is next week and am pretty sure am going to hear nothing and they won't have "changed their minds" just feel absolutely shit that they are going to miss their (only ever) holiday that they were so excited about.

Do I risk a last ditch attempt?

I know she is struggling with money and was relying on me for childcare for that week.

WWYD?

[SuburbanRhonda]

I was hoping when OH gets back he can chat to school and see if they have any concerns

So you have concerns that you now say are about more than just the lodgers, but you're planning to leave it for a month and hope that school will report your concerns for you?

You obviously know that serious case reviews are full of instances of people assuming someone else has passed on information that hasn't actually been passed on? I really can't understand why someone who loves these children as much as you say you do wouldn't want to have concerns about their welfare recorded.

[Cutecat78]

We are one of the protective factors in their lives.

By interfering I have cut off one of those (us/me).

I knew that was the risk I took.

The kids aren't "work" it's not cut and dried there are emotions involved.

To use children as a weapon is wrong - always.

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

fuck my naughty little finger is now hovering over Advanced Search.....

[Cutecat78]

I didn't get the thread deleted.

Others reported the thread and it was deleted.

It's pretty bad form to bring up past threads but as you have I now have to explain myself.

Yeah he was banned. He was driving 1200 every other weekend to see his kids, he was banned on accumulation of points.

I have posted about DSDS bedwetting.

I NEVER posted about masturbation.

[Discobabe]

Why are you and your partners ex wifes best mate messaging anyway? That in itself is a weird setup. Then there's been concerns for ages and you've not approached the school or ss before? I'm pretty sure having a job, however awkward doesn't prevent court ordered arrangements being possible.

[Cutecat78]

Not sure what anyone is lying about.

[Cutecat78]

I am (was) friends with the ex wife and her friend.

I was FB friends with them both, I used to give the friend DDs clothes when she grew out of them.

She messaged me a while ago with concerns.

If we had a contact order we wouldn't be able to fufull it,

[Fooshufflewickbannanapants]

I think I remember the blanket thing! About it smelling as though they'd used it intimately or similar!

[CatsGoPurrrr]

Gawd, you again!

Thanks PP for the heads up: I remember the other threads now.

[ovosmexidos]

OP, as is the case with almost every problem posted on MN, this was caused by poor communication, and better communication is the only way you might fix it.

Call her, apologise, and explain. If she doesn't want to listen to that, then that's that. She's their mother, you'll just have to respect her decision at that point.

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

Are the courts aware that the girls father isn't even with them in contact time? That's not on! You need to get a new contact order, courts can be very flexible if that parent is as committed as you claim your DH is.

I can't even imagine how weary the mum is of all this... Not to mention her 'best friend' is a shit stirring bitch!

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

Meant to say he's not even contactable during his time with his kids?

That's very, very concerning. I would block access too if I was the mum.

[Fififerry1]

I massively sympathise with you. I have a similar situation in my family. SS have been involved (not by me -I also have close connections via work) on a number of occasions but due to both (separated) parents being middle class professionals they are soon fobbed off.
I have bitten my tongue and eaten humble pie on more occasions than I can count just to keep a relationship with the children involved but it is extremely frustrating and upsetting to think I appear to be condoning unacceptable behaviour.
I think you did what you could in the circumstances. Like all 'at fault' parents she went on the attack rather than considering what is best for her children. All you can do is keep trying to build bridges for the children's sake and if it doesn't work try to enjoy your holiday.

[diddl]

Did their father not have the time booked off work then??

[IonaMumsnet]

Morning folks. Just a reminder that we don't allow troll-hunting. If you have concerns about an OP, please do just report it to us so we can take a look. We've deleted a few posts here that were either troll-hunting or we felt constituted a personal attack. We also feel it's a bit unsporting to drag up lots of previous threads. If someone always posts under the same name, obviously their previous threads are there for anyone to see, but going over old ground is only going to derail a thread, so could we ask everyone to stick to the current discussion? Thank you!

[Cutecat78]

Yes he had the time booked off.

He is in the military.

Time booked off means nothing.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Ah yes, I remember you... Never quite happy with the responses you receive.

[Cutecat78]

This is why people name change and then get accused of being a troll.

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

Is he overseas? If so, why are the DSDs with you?