Bailing out feckless relative - would this work?

[sparechange]

I have a relative who lives a long way away from me, and is completely feckless. Previous addiction issues, a catalogue of unsuitable (verging on inappropriate) relationships. No job for years, mostly using her DCs are a cover story for not wanting to work, while being a totally useless mother. The house is always a tip, DCs in dirty clothes with a mountain of laundry, cupboards are empty, but her hair and nails are always done. I'm not being judgy (well I am) but trying to paint a picture that she firmly puts herself first. Her parents have tried so, so many times to help and it never helps. After her last spell of drug use, they withdrew help as far as I'm aware (I'm not close to them).

Her immediate family have all but washed their hands of her, but stay in lose touch with her, and pop in when I'm in the area. I usually take them all out for a pub lunch, and will be asked for money for 'urgent bills'. I've given her small amounts most times, but have no doubt it gets spent on everything but bills.

Anyway, I've just had a call from her in a panic. Muddled story, but she has no money and no food, and the kids (6,9,12) will have nothing to eat all weekend. Please can I send her some money, she will pay me back.
I suspect that to call me, she has already called her immediate family and been told no.

I'm not giving her money. I just know it will get spent on booze or worse. Even if at this point in time, she intends to spend it on food, the temptation will be too much when the money drops into her account.

So my thought was to set up an account for a supermarket delivery service, but not include the payment details. Give her the log in and ask her to do an order. When she is finished, I log back in, change the password and then add the card details and pay. If she really has nothing for tonight, I can order them a takeaway.

Will this work? The cruel part of me thinks she will never truly get help until she hits rock bottom, but the thought of those kids being hungry all weekend is just something I can't ignore. Worst case, she is just after money but will end up with some food which will keep until the next time she runs out of cash.

[DinosaursRoar]

You did the right thing. Hope you can get hold of closer family to explain what happened tonight.

[sparechange]

Judy
I am not really in a position to speak to her family, for complicated and boring reasons.

I don't know the names of her kids school, or even her exact address. I could find her house driving there, but will have to work out her road name and house number from google maps if I am going to report her to SS

[ginnybag]

I had a 'friend' like this for a couple of years. Eventually, every conversation we had ended with her asking for money.

I backed right off as soon as she told me she was pregnant because I knew that, although I could say no to her, I wasn't going to be able to stand firm if I knew the child and there was a risk they'd suffer for my refusal.

It's hard, and your offer was very kind. It's a shame she was trying it on but you know now.

[Weedles]

Spare.
I know it's terrible sad but sometimes you have to resign yourself to the fact you can't help everyone especially those people who want help themselves.
Sometimes if I find myself in your position I assuage my guilt by making a donation to a relevant charity. For example if I feel guilty for not wanting to help a beggar I'll donate some money to a homeless shelter.
Sounds a bit lame when I write it down but hopefully you see what I mean.

[Smurfnoff]

If she genuinely needed food for her kids she wouldn't give a shiny shite that she wasn't supporting the local shops.

If you're still worried about the kids, do the online shop anyway and send a load of basics so they have something to eat. Under no circumstances let her shop herself. You'll have an empty bank account and Sainsbury's will have an empty wine cellar.