To be furious with friend for this FB post **Trigger warning - upsetting content. Edited by MNHQ**

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

In an absolute state after scrolling down my FB feed and a (male if it matters) friend has shared a post of a miscarried fetus at 11 weeks as an anti-abortion argument

I lost two children in a row and still struggle with the grief as they were wanted and planned for and loved instantly.

I reported the post and blocked the feed but still feel like he should have some bloody respect for those who have suffered. The woman who's baby it was is the original poster and she allowed the image to be used to prove that "11 week olds are fully formed babies with toes, etc" and her "baby isn't here because they were sent on a higher mission to stop abortion" also "why can't they just give them up for adoption there's loads of families who will adopt them", "no need to be a murderer" (that's what it says on the post I'm a bit flabbergasted at their ignorance of the current state of adoptions).

Although I'd never have an abortion I'm 100% pro choice, but upset that I didn't get the choice whether or not to see this extremely distressing image. I'm also concerned about any vulnerable women on his friends list who may have had an abortion being seriously affected by this post.

AIBU if I tell him he's being disrespectful or should I get a grip because you can post whatever you like on your own FB. (If I had any inkling he'd post something like this I'd have blocked weeks ago).

I know you can't control what you see online but you don't expect that while casually scrolling through what your friends are up to

OP, I do feel desperately sorry for what you've been through, but as vixy heartbreakingly pointed out, there are many, many reasons for terminating a pregnancy. I know you are shocked and upset by what this awful man posted, but by re-posting it almost word for word, many others will suffer - whether they have had a termination or a miscarriage.

Woah Vixy I'm very sorry for your loss but that isn't fair, I only meant I'd never choose to have one if I accidentally got pregnant like the post was inferring. Of course there are horrible choice to make when health issues are concerned and like I said I'm absolutely 100% pro choice.

What can I do to help trigger warn the content or remove anything upsetting? Maybe someone could report it? That is absolutely my last intention I didn't think repeating it in a way that was disgusted by it would trigger as well so I'm sorry if it has and will happily amend it/apologise

I think Rarotonga said it best - maybe some sort of warning in the title may have warned some of us off.

But you still don't get it.

People end up in all sorts of circumstances they never forsaw.

I have a friend whose mother was raped and due to the law in where he is from she could not have an abortion. His grandparents brought him up because his mother cannot bear to look at him.

It is so easy to say 'I would never have an abortion' but unless life throws a tonne of crap at you then you will never know.

I hope you never have to find out.

I had a colleague who had a photo of her misscarried 17 week old child on her work desk. It was heartbreaking and distressing at the same time. some things are best left at home.

I truly hope I am misunderstanding your post, and you are not saying that your colleague should have kept the photos helping her grieve at home because some stranger might find her baby upsetting?!

Maybe just 'abortion' in the heading? That way, people could have chosen whether or not to read on. I understand you are shocked; I have people on my feed who would probably post similarly awful things, more for the reaction/attention than anything else. Which is I gave up on FB after about two weeks!

So easy to be 'pro choice' and actually secretly judge. Not so easy when your world comes crashing down around you and the baby you hoped and dreamed for cannot survive.

Sorry to bring it up again but I really need to emphasise I'm definitely not secretly judging anyone. If I've worded thinsgs in a confusing manner I really didn't mean to. My world did come crashing down twice and the babies I hoped and dreamed for, for years did could not survive and I would have made the same excruciating decision as you and I think both you and your partner are very brave

You see something upsetting on FB with no warning and then instantly come on here to describe it also with no warning......

Not exactly the best move op.

This thread doesn't sit comfortably with me.

Vixy please stop please. I made it clear I meant in the circumstances that this horrid FB post is insinuating. Sorry that I accidentally said something that wasn't worded perfectly how dare I in my distressed state and looking for help in the only place I have people to discuss things with.

I don't judge anyone who has to make that awful decision, that's what being prochoice is! So how can you try and rip me a new one when there was blatantly no malice in me saying I wouldn't get one, i meant I wouldn't get one for a contraception slip up, etc

I've reported to HQ and hopefully it will be deleted.

Sorry OP but your quoting of vixy is now verging on the inappropriate.

Elsa As it was the image that upset me I felt writing a post would be ok. Obviously I was wrong so can everyone just move on.

In my mind you can choose not to read writing after the first unsavoury word but can't chose not to see pictures without warning. I've forgotten a trigger warning because I'm in a bad way I didn't mean to upset anyone.

Lorelei I find feeling personally attacked not very appropriate what she said was very very hurtful to me just because I made a tiny slip up that I'd already apologised for and made clear of what I meant

I wasn't out to upset you I simply challenged the statement you made a few times about how you would never have an abortion.

I am sorry you have had losses too.

Fact is having children is extremely emotive and no one should have to lose their babies.

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt OP, but the wording in your post, and the judgement you've made about others will really upset other people too. And MN should be more of a safe space for women than FB.

Op, you were insensitive to people who have no choice but to terminate and therefore to Vixy - you owe her an apology.

Vixy -

I really don't think YourNewspaper has said or done anything amiss - some of you have paper thin skins which is more your issue than the OPs

How was I insensitive or judgemental?!?! I support them and I've already apologised please please just leave me alone

Come on. The OP is clearly upset; this post on FB seems to have brought up some very painful memories, she's maybe worded her post clumsily but we all do sometimes, especially when upset.

It's an emotive subject, so perhaps we'd all do best to stop piling on each other, report the first post and ask for a trigger warning to be put in the title.

If the content of the thread is distressing or uncomfortable for people, which of course it will be as it's so personal and has affected so many people, the "hide thread" option is right there, and may be less painful than this turning into a bunfight over some clumsily-worded/misinterpreted posts?

Very sensible Ovaries

I agree totally Vixy I really do apologise again if anything triggered you I'm finding it hard to deal with what I saw. I missed a warning out of the title but I swear nothing I said was judging anyone I'm just very very literal in the way I type things due to being autistic, it's not an excuse and I'm sorry

It is an extremely sensitive subject. I reported it early on, not because I disbelieve you, but because I believe it contains content which could be very distressing. I empathise with your shock, and while I actually dislike and therefore barely use Facebook, I will contact them tommorrow to ask why they find the posting of these images acceptable. I don't believe you meant harm, but I do think a trigger warning in the tiltle may have meant people stayed clear. I don't want you to suffer further because you feel you have not been supported in this thread, but I also feel it contains fairly graphic detail which is upsetting to people like myself who have felt this was the only option they had. It is just a very distressing subject all round, and I'm sorry it was out there in the first place.

What sucks isn't the comments between people here. What sucks is anyone suffering the loss of a baby or child. It should never happen.

Op you did not mean harm I see that. I just wanted to give you my experience so you understood.

You shouldn't have had to go through what you went through either xx