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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is black humour?

27 replies

TheWorriedTalrus · 04/08/2016 21:50

Doctor friend just described their job as looking after 'demented old people'... Feel a bit hmm about this!! Normally v nice but don't know her that well yet!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/08/2016 21:54

Well we don't know her at all, so your guess is a good as ours Confused

Gingeete · 04/08/2016 21:55

She is probably right.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/08/2016 21:56

Does she look after elderly people with dementia?

LaurieFairyCake · 04/08/2016 21:57

Yes, I would hear it as descriptive.

As in 'old people who are dementing'. Most gps clients are the elderly.

Cynara · 04/08/2016 21:59

Sounds reasonable to me. Although I'm an HCP so lost touch with appropriate humour a long time ago.

TheWorriedTalrus · 04/08/2016 22:00

Ok I wasnt sure if it was offensive or not. But can see how it is actually a fair description!

OP posts:
mummymummums · 04/08/2016 22:01

I think with some jobs you get jaded, and the only way to get through with a smile is with black humour. Sure she's still the nice person you thought she was.

BestZebbie · 04/08/2016 22:04

The appropriateness of the word probably depends on whether she works with dementia patients or just with old people who can sometimes irritate her with their foibles a bit.

anyname123 · 04/08/2016 22:05

Bit confused.....Looking after demented old people is probably a very apt description of what she does, why has this offended / upset you?

Mintychoc1 · 04/08/2016 22:05

I'm a medic and I would use the term "demented" as a clinical description, not to be disrespectful or derisory.

Womenareliketeabags · 04/08/2016 22:08

As a nurse that is nothing compared to some of the things said daily in my staff room. Hideous humour is the only way to survive the day sometimes. It's laugh or cry

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 04/08/2016 22:10

DW's patients are old, demented, but still people. Possibly not the word order I would choose.

hareagain · 04/08/2016 22:10

Yep, have dementing grandparents who seem to constantly have a gp appointment coming up and I'm not offended by that.

Jeffjefftyjeff · 04/08/2016 22:13

I know professors and psychiatrists who work with dementia patients and they use the phrases 'demented ' and 'dementing ' a lot. At first it sounded offensive but now I realise it must be the clinical term. They care tremendously about those with dementia.

PacificDogwod · 04/08/2016 22:16

It's an accurate description for a lot that I do (GP - 2 half days every week at local care homes with dementia units).

How would you describe older people who are losing their cognitive function? Confused

Not to be confused with "DS's trumpet practice is making me demented" - that's a less appropriate use of the word IMO.

Sidge · 04/08/2016 22:21

Well, people with dementia are demented.

It's just a descriptor. Like people with diabetes are diabetic.

I'm a HCP.

Fluffsnuts · 04/08/2016 22:22

Demented is the correct term for someone with dementia. I use it regularly in my job.

Used incorrectly it can be an offensive term though.

dudsville · 04/08/2016 22:24

She doesn't mean demented in the popular sense of the word but she's being accurate.

SoftSheen · 04/08/2016 22:24

Just sounds like just a literal description to me. She may work specifically with the elderly, or may be a GP with a high number of elderly patients. I would assume she was using 'demented' as a medical term and not as a poor attempt at humour, unless there was reason to think otherwise.

WhimsicalWinnifred · 04/08/2016 22:26

If they are demented or have dementia, what's the issue? Sorry... can't get offended by that.

YabuDabbaDoo · 04/08/2016 22:27

"Demented" is an appropriate word, though. I didn't realise this until I looked after a family member with dementia. A locum said "yes she's quite demented, isn't she?" and I was Hmmbut as more and more HCPs used the word, I realised it was an accurate description of her condition, rather than a comment on her personality!

YabuDabbaDoo · 04/08/2016 22:30

Now I go Hmm when someone says "are you demented?" over something non-clinical, eg a decision to buy another round of tequila chasers

Greenteandchives · 04/08/2016 22:35

I would probably have said elderly people with dementia. Just sounds a bit more respectful.

lougle · 04/08/2016 22:44

'Older people' is now the phrase of choice, with 'elderly' and 'old' both being considered derogatory. But 'demented' is a medical descriptor.

I agree that it would be more...decorous...to say 'I work with older people who have dementia'.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 04/08/2016 22:47

Is this for real? Well, I suppose doctor-bashing makes a pleasant change from MILS, teachers, single mothers, benefits-recipients, cashiers, other-peoples'-children, neighbours-with-more-money ad infinitum.

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