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Original poster

Anyone else have these morbid thoughts (baby)

100 replies

ByTheWater · 03/08/2016 16:01

N:c in case I'm properly weird

Walking with newborn (5 days) along riverside, had this awful thought that I could drop - or even in a moment of madness, tip - her over the barrier and she'd be totally done for. Just the thought of her sinking in the water with no means of saving herself scared the shit out of me.

The thought of her being so vulnerable and with only me to keep her safe left me really breathless and panicky. And then I wanted to cry at how little and helpless she is.

She's not my pfb and I remember having similar thoughts near a large pond with my eldest.

Why the hell would my brain do that to me?

OP posts:
datingbarb · 03/08/2016 17:15

I also I think my fears have got worst the old I have become, I have 4 children, had oldest 3 in 4 years then a 7 year gap and I don't recall being as worried about things with them as I am dd, I see dangers in anything! Maybe I was the same but just forgot because of the gap.

Also maybe I'm more aware of sad things happening the older I get, I know 2 children to die of SIDS in the last year, one was 2 other was 6 weeks, if dd naps for longer than usual or she has slept in later in the morning then I'm often the one who ends up waking her as I go in to check on her

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/08/2016 17:15

we all have it, its awful and unfortunately very normal !

Notimefortossers · 03/08/2016 17:19

Thanks for starting this thread OP. I have thoughts like this all the time too and honestly thought I was weird!

IronMaggie · 03/08/2016 17:21

My 'babies' are 5 and 3 and I still have these thoughts all the time, unfortunately. Glad to hear I'm normal too...

roundandroundthehouses · 03/08/2016 17:25

Yup, I had that as well, especially with my PFB. In fact, it traumatised me so much that I'm heartily relieved (although not 'glad' iyswim), all these years later, to learn that others have had the same thoughts.

Dd1 is now 18. I didn't go mad and throw her out the window. Nor did I - God help me - pull her ears off Hmm. I've also just about got over my conviction that dd2 is too perfect to live, but that's probably because she's 14 Grin.

roundandroundthehouses · 03/08/2016 17:28

Although I never did get over the new fear of heights that I developed after becoming a mother. Even now, any time we're near a cliff edge or other high place, I don't just worry that they might fall - I can pretty much feel and see it happening. Usually that evening I sit bolt upright in bed, because it's 'happened' again.

Branleuse · 03/08/2016 17:36

I have awful thoughts of my children dying pretty much every day. Its a form of OCD apparently

sparechange · 03/08/2016 17:39

All the time, especially when carrying babies on stairs

When I'm on balconies or high up, I get these weird split second urges to jump. My best mate has the same thing, and also to grab emergency doors on planes mid flight.

Philoslothy · 03/08/2016 17:39

I have had this with all 6 of mine but have never told anybody as I felt that I was being odd.
I also used to regularly check they were breathing when asleep

NeuroGirl · 03/08/2016 17:43

Yes. I once refused to walk across a bridge with my son in my arms because all I could think of was somehow him going over the edge, either wiggling out or me throwing him.

It's an unpleasant thought, but a perfectly normal one. Doesn't mean you're going to do it, that you're going mad or that you've got OCD. Xx

Memoires · 03/08/2016 17:56

I had it with dd. I'm glad to hear it's fairly normal; dd is 16 now and I'd forgetten until I read your post.

I imagine it's a bit like being at the top of a great height and thinking about throwing yourself off.

AyeAmarok · 03/08/2016 18:03

I get this too. It's exhausting.

Brummiegirl15 · 03/08/2016 18:08

Yep. This exactly!!!! And I'm so glad you started this thread because I had these thoughts when DD was a newborn (she 7 months now) and it really really frightened me. I was too scared to mention to the hv in case I was flagged up as a risk.

I used to worry about her falling over the edge of our balcony on the landing whilst I was carrying her, that I'd drop her down the stairs, that whilst having a bath I'd pick up the bleach by the toilet by accident rather than baby shampoo.

I was scared of her being in the kitchen in case I dropped the kettle.

Have I ever done any of these things? Nope course not! But I found these thoughts really intrusive and so so frightening.

So to see others thinking similar things is such a relief.

I want to add though I haven't thought anything like this for months and it absolutely does fade - but of course if it doesn't then it is definitely worth speaking to someone

NickyEds · 03/08/2016 18:08

I get this, especially with bridges, I can't relax on a bridge anymore. We visited a castle ruins a few weeks ago which was essentially on top of a cliff. I could barely breathe let alone enjoy the view.

TwoDrifters · 03/08/2016 18:08

How utterly bizarre - I was finally going to post a thread about this today! For me it started when I was pregnant and on the top floor of a large shopping centre: I kept imagining climbing over the railing and letting myself fall. It was such a strong impulsive feeling and I could see it happening so vividly that I had to ask my husband to walk between me and the barrier. When we took the escalator between floors I had to close my eyes tight and hold onto him.

Now that my baby is here, I get these horrid thoughts all the time.

I was walking across Tower Bridge today and had the "what if the wind just picked up and whipped the pram out of my hands into the Thames?" thought. I looked down at the deadly swirling current and felt utterly sick. I gripped the pram so hard my knuckles went white and I raced across the bridge thinking "this really can't be normal, I must post on Mumsnet to see…"

Thanks so much for this OP! I feel somewhat less odd now!

Touchacat · 03/08/2016 18:18

I definitely had these. Like pp, it started when I was pregnant. I was taking a walk by a cliff top (well back from the edge) and imagined vividly throwing myself off and landing on my bump.
The thought still makes me nauseous.

Twinklestar2 · 03/08/2016 18:24

I have this all the time, I thought it was just me!

I regularly wake my son up by accident cause I'm checking if he's still breathing.

Annoyed my husband on holiday because I said 'careful' about a zillion times! Kept imagining my son falling in the pool and banging his head.

Was obsessive about the floor being dry in case I slipped when my son was a newborn.

Left my son with OH at 9 weeks to go to the gym and on way back a fire engine went by. Ran all the way home as imagined it was going to my house.

Regularly think of the ways I would kill myself if anything happened to my son.

Oh god I'm holding back tears now. It's awful.

SlimCheesy2 · 03/08/2016 19:16

I still go into DS's room in the middle of the night to check he is breathing. Also, a good friend of DH's died in his sleep a few years back.... his wife woke up in the morning and he was dead beside her. DH has sleep apnoea (sp) and I wake loads in the night thinking he has died. (I tend to kick him in the ankle, then lie very still when he wakes in outrage. )

maggiethemagpie · 03/08/2016 19:19

yes. get them all the time particularly walking with buggy thinking if I let go of handles it will go into the traffic. not usually scared of heights but wouldn't go on friends balcony holding my baby.

Leonas · 03/08/2016 19:36

My friend's mum worked in MH services and explained this as intrusive thoughts - totally normal, especially after having children. I have experienced it with both of my DC, my friends and I often (almost!) joke about the intrusive thoughts we have had in different situations. It's quite disconcerting at first but don't worry, it happens to lots of us!

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 03/08/2016 19:37

This is normal. I don't know why. Horrid Flowers

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 03/08/2016 19:39

I think perhaps it happens because our brains struggle to process having our babies outside of our bodies, like little limbs that could be harmed at any time. Perhaps it's also nature's way of helping us learn to be extra-careful and protective.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 03/08/2016 19:40

I think perhaps it happens because our brains struggle to process having our babies outside of our bodies, like little limbs that could be harmed at any time. Perhaps it's also nature's way of helping us learn to be extra-careful and protective.

2ManySweets · 03/08/2016 19:58

Philoslothy with all six? Feck, I'm loving it now with one and hoping DC2 (I'm 3 months pg) doesn't cause such mental terror.

Bums.

FozBoz · 03/08/2016 19:58

I have horrible thoughts like this too. My DS is 6 so it only happens if I'm especially stressed. In fact, it's my warning signal that I need to look after myself a bit more.

It was waaay worse when DS was a baby but I guess it's understandable since I was so knackered.

Hope you're ok though OP? It's scary at first. Although it's unpleasant, I hope you've found it reassuring to hear so many of us experience it.

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