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Original poster

Anyone else have these morbid thoughts (baby)

100 replies

ByTheWater · 03/08/2016 16:01

N:c in case I'm properly weird

Walking with newborn (5 days) along riverside, had this awful thought that I could drop - or even in a moment of madness, tip - her over the barrier and she'd be totally done for. Just the thought of her sinking in the water with no means of saving herself scared the shit out of me.

The thought of her being so vulnerable and with only me to keep her safe left me really breathless and panicky. And then I wanted to cry at how little and helpless she is.

She's not my pfb and I remember having similar thoughts near a large pond with my eldest.

Why the hell would my brain do that to me?

OP posts:
2ManySweets · 03/08/2016 16:30

Summerblaze there's a balcony at Victoria station that has a pub on it my friend and I meet at regularly.

The same catastrophic vision goes through my mind every time my chum cuddles my baby when we aren't there. Even though we sit MILES from the edge.

chough · 03/08/2016 16:30

I still have these thoughts , and DS is an adult.
Obviously, it's not because he's a helpless child, now: it's because his safety and wellbeing are out of my control.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 03/08/2016 16:33

I have moments where I wake in the night and have to go and lean over DS to make sure he's still breathing (he's four). I know it's irrational, but also completely uncontrollable.

Ilovewineandcrisps · 03/08/2016 16:33

I have horrific intrusive thoughts about my 2 youngest babies, I'm on sertraline for it but it isn't really working Sad

Heatherbell1978 · 03/08/2016 16:37

All the time. DS is 2 and I lived in a top floor flat when he was newborn and had constant visions of him toppling over the top rail of the stairwell. My current one is the train platform and him running out. And since Nice I've had awful thoughts of that truck and him. I hate it.

littlefrenchonion · 03/08/2016 16:43

I had this too! I had irrational fear of our bedroom window when DD was a newborn, I kept feeling that I would trip over and drop her out of the window (despite them being closed). I also hated putting her in her cot as my brain kept picturing me dropping her down too hard or banging her head.

She fell out of her bouncer once, and I was in knots about it for days. Cried my eyes out every time I thought about it.

It's hormones, it does settle! Biology is a strange thing.

maamalady · 03/08/2016 16:43

Yep, me too. And the PND makes me want to do it (drown, smother, drop, shake) to both my children, not just baby DD2. It's better if I get more sleep and the children don't scream and cry too much. Thankfully DD1 is quite a jolly person, even as we are heading into toddler tantrum time.

TruJay · 03/08/2016 16:46

These thoughts are terrible, I had a few months of continues nightmares of DS falling down a well and drowning, I couldn't help him and had to watch his little face as he sank under the water and never saw him again!
I was going through a really stressful stage at the time and put it down to anxiety.

TheWitchwithNoName · 03/08/2016 16:51

I still do the and my DS is 8. Latest thing is us all being killed in a plane crash Confused hate it, stops me sleeping sometimes.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 03/08/2016 16:54

Turning off the news helped a bit, for me. I would (and still do) feel panicky walking with DS on the pavement whenever a rubbish truck (or any truck, after Nice) rumbles past. I think if you are prone to anxiety, it doesn't hurt to shield yourself a bit from these stories. They really do exacerbate these feelings,

blueturtle6 · 03/08/2016 16:56

Yanbu, I hate walking over bridges, getting on buses (in case door shut on pram trapping me outside) anyone else carrying her etc wtc

Brandonstarkflakes · 03/08/2016 16:58

I would say its completely normal, well i have exactly the same thing anyway! I have kept myself awake at night thinking about the terrible things that could happen to my kids, imagining their funerals, all sorts. Why would I do that to myself?

We are flying to Italy later this week and i can't tell you all the 'terrible final moments' scenarios that have gone through my head the past few days. I never used to be scared of flying. Its horrible.

April241 · 03/08/2016 16:58

I'm currently pregnant, our first kids, so don't have the fears about them yet but since finding out I have this absolutely irrational fear that my OH will die, it keeps me awake at night. I often wake up during the night to go to the toilet and I'll put my hand on his back to make sure he's still breathing. If he's going out driving, especially on the motorway I'm just absolutely petrified! We went out the other day and I had terrible nausea and pelvic pain so really struggled walking about, he was going to take me back home then go to a few places to see cars. On the way home all I could picture was him crashing in the motorway so I told him I was feeling much better, I couldn't sit at home waiting for him to get back. It's ridiculous!! I know it's ridiculous but can't stop it!

f83mx · 03/08/2016 17:01

I'm exactly the same although been going on for years - woke up in complete panic this morning after dreaming toddler ran into the docks and i froze before diving in only to not be able to see a thing or reach him and just floundering in the water. Horrible. Agree with other posters about ignoring the news a bit but i still find i can revert back to other horror/news scenarios from years ago. I'm massively anxious though so its very much part of that.

Cinnamon2013 · 03/08/2016 17:01

I had this to a 'ooh that's a bit weird' extent with DS, but with DD it's been awful. This summer's headlines don't help. I've stopped checking the news and have asked DH to help me get as much sleep as I can. I've restarted napping to catch up. The difference is massive. Sleep dep really ramps up anxiety, obvious to me now but took me ages to work out.

GeorgiePeachie · 03/08/2016 17:02

This is called the Imp of the Perverse.

It's not confined to the pressure of looking after something...It's the same thing that makes people THINK about jumping in front of a train at the last moment even though they have no other suicidal impulses.

Mine was when passing the local post box. If I had my keys in one hand and a letter in the other. It would flash in my mind as I passed to put the keys in instead. OR even if I pass the box with the keys in my hand I want to post them. Weird impulse.

PirateFairy45 · 03/08/2016 17:03

Happens to me while I'm driving usually.

Just think 'what if I lost control of the wheel. It only takes one slip'

Popskipiekin · 03/08/2016 17:05

Totally remember these intrusive thoughts from newborn stage and still sometimes get them now and DS is nearly 2. We have a balcony and I would stand in front of it with him as a baby and suddenly worry about tipping him off it and have to dash back into the safety of anywhere, feeling sick.
There was a lovely house we looked at but I couldn't buy it as I felt the space beside the banisters as you walked along the landing was too narrow and I might drop the baby over the side at any point.

FurryTurnip · 03/08/2016 17:05

Totally normal, but scary. I was totally convinced that when I used to take my DS out in his pushchair that strangers would come and stub out cigarettes on his face.

PirateFairy45 · 03/08/2016 17:06

Also when we go walking. There's one but I cling hold of her for dear life. Literally for a kid or an adult, one slip and you're done for.

Could explain when we only ever go that way when it's been dry for days.

It's your brains way of thinking out the worst and trying to make you be more careful. Giving you preventative measures.

carrotfaery · 03/08/2016 17:07

I get this all the time and my DS is 2. Good to know I'm not the only one. I hate it, even reading these posts has me in tears... I've never been diagnosed with PND so not sure if I have it, can you still have it this late? I don't live in the UK and have never talked a doctor about any of this, partly due to language barrier and partly due to my mistrust in doctors in general.

ElaeudanlaTeiteia · 03/08/2016 17:08

Yes, this is very common, apparently. My DC are 8 and 11 now and I still get it when we go over a particular foot bridge, over a busy motorway. I picture them climbing and falling or being dropped over the railing into the traffic. I have always thought that it's just a weird way of the brain trying to foresee all possible worst case scenarios in order to prevent them or be prepared to deal with them should they happen.

In a similar vein, my mother takes the DC out on day trips most weekends. Sometimes DP goes with them. At least once while they're out the thought will cross my mind that if they were to crash and all die, I would lose everything that matters to me, all at once. I'd be completely alone and in the most unimaginable pain with no-one to turn to.

LexieSinclair · 03/08/2016 17:10

I have this too sometimes and my youngest is 6. I'm worse when I'm very tired.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 03/08/2016 17:10

Completely normal I'm afraid and worse with a newborn. I still get it now with my much older DCs! Though not nearly as badly or as often.

Also - DISSOLVING INTO TEARS AT ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY EMOTIONAL. I really resent this. And my youngest is now 18 and I'm 40+...

meridithssister · 03/08/2016 17:12

Yes I've had these thoughts too, escalators particularly. I imagine the children toppling backwards.

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