To not want to think about CHRISTMAS in AUGUST

[Chamonix1]

Every year my in laws will ask us usually about now, what the plan is for xmas.
Some years they go away and spend with friends.
Some years they want us at theirs.
Every year we'd just rather be at home.
I've had the dreaded question so they'd obviously like to spend it with us, usually fine but I was thinking about getting away this Christmas for a quiet one as with just 3 year old dd it gets a bit boring being in the house for 2 days (she's very very active!) and has nobody to play with. Was considering centre parks, I don't bloody know it's August.
Now they are rushing us because they want to know what they are doing and that depends on us.
The worlds gone mad. It's not the end of summer yet.

The only reason i will be warning ppl about Christmas this year is not to expect great shakes from us present wise so im going to warn them not to do to much.
We wont be able to reciprocate as my beautiful 15 year old tabby cat is now on permanent thyroid medication which is £47.50 a month.

And she comes first!

No, they don't sound demanding do they. But that's a whole other thread.
We have said we aren't sure, that we may go away for a few days and they've said they don't want to book until they know we aren't going to be around.
Otherwise I'd have said "sorry not sure yet" and moved on with my life util Nov.
If we say we are away, then they book Nd we stay at home there'll be issues and if they don't book somewhere quick enough because we COULD be about then we go away there'll be issues.
I just want to organise a summer off bbq's

I would be very honest and say "we have no idea what our plans are. Please don't make your arrangement based on us. If we can fit in with your plans we will do, but don't miss out on other plans waiting for us, we are planning on making our decision last minute."

If you want to go away for xmas then you will need to make a decision soon. The same as if you were booking a summer holiday in the peak season you would need to think about it at least 6-8 months in advance sometimes even earlier. So xmas is the same its peak holiday season and will get booked up very quickly.

Posted too soon. Meant to say I only tolerate Xmas, can't stand the build up and fuss so I can under you being that you are being asked about it in August.

Not helpful, I know

I don't believe for one second that if we looked in Oct we would take be able to find anything, like nothing. But hey, we shall see. If we don't then we stay at home, I like to live on the edge.

NOOO! You are definitely NOT BU. Madness. Unfortunately August was not the earliest that I've heard mention this year.

But stand by for a flaming - some people seem to live for it!

YANBU. My MIL starts the nonsense in June. We're local, she sees the dc pretty much weekly, and yet demands us at Christmas. What she doesn't realise is if she perhaps chilled the fuck out and quit with the guilt-tripping we might actually go to her house.

Dh and I have been together for 13 years and dh has spent Christmas with my parents once.

Instead, from June onward we get the sighing, sad face, the "you'll cheer me up" speech.

We can't afford it, but we dream about spending Christmas on holiday.

OP in your position I'd just be telling them you'll work around them, then tell them to stfu about Christmas in August.

I did like Christmas, before I had a child. I thought I'd love it more, because of the magic kids see. But nope, everyone's turned into demanding, over sensitive twits.

I'm all up for people going as crazy for Christmas as they like but I don't like to feel pressured into doing everything half a year in advance.

And 2nd it all sounds too familiar !

YABU. You've already made up your mind you don't want to spend it with them - whether you stay home or go away. So, you have decided by August.

Tell them and let them get on with plans. This is a communication issue not a Christmas one.

I'm sure I've said they're welcome if we are about.
I haven't decided anything. It's August.

Tell them you will either be at home or going away. The default option that's not "going away" doesn't have to be their house I wouldn't think?

We alternate mine with in-laws then do a year at home. My firm is open all of the non-Bank Holiday days and they both live 200 miles away so are accepting that I can't have the time off every year.

Ah, I see they'd come to yours if you are around. Less simple!

OK, so you half invite them and wonder why they are asking you to commit? Just decide. It isn't that far away and other people's plans depend on it.

If you really cannot bear to think about it (why? I mean you'd plan a weekend away with friends four months in advance, right?) then give them a date by which you will have decided.

No- I didn't half invite them
I said we really hadn't thought about Christmas yet, but had spoke about potentially going away.
Told them we don't know yet and mil pretty much told me to hurry up and decide so she knows what she's doing.
She's basing what she does on us, hence why I feel a bit pressured.
When did I say I half invited them? They know that they're usually welcome at ours, they've come in the past and we've gone to theirs in the past.
I just don't want to be asked every other day until I decide what I'm doing.
And no, I wouldn't plan a day with my friends 6 months in advance, like ever.

There's no pressure on them to decide so we know what we are doing. They can go away if they like, whatever. I wouldn't pressure people into giving me a date by which they are going to tell me my Christmas plans, ever.
If they'd like to make plans with friends/go away then they are free to do so, when they wish, in their sweet sweet time.

Other than booking time off work (or not), neither do I.

I make a rough plan in January as that's when DH knows if he's working or not and whether my daughter's are at their Dad's or not. Then when I get asked, generally in July, I can give a clear "no" or a flexible "lets talk in October/ November about specifics".
But I need to know if DH is at work at all/ some days/ how far away. If girls are home. If any of three sets of parents are in the country or not (if so, which part)/ who is hosting wider family get togethers etc.
I also try to rotate through: last year we visited everyone important. This year it's just me and the baby on Christmas day at home. Bliss, very low stress!

I've already bought all my presents.

As you were.

I always wonder why people are so reluctant to start Christmas planning. Sure birthday and summer holiday plans start months ahead so don't see anything wrong about planning for Christmas... Just be upftont and even if you don't have anything confirmed mention that you might want to get away... It's only polite.

I get asked in January's every year by in laws about following year and then nagged roughly weekly

We once had SIL screaming down the phone that our decision to see my parents on Christmas Day (the one time I was permitted to do so) was ruining MIL's life, and that now that I'd "married into the family" I had "no right" to see my parents.

It was September, and we were on holiday. We have refused to enter into the Christmas bartering from that point onward and do what we like. I know all passive-agressive "families are all that matters at Christmas" fb posts are aimed squarely at us but I don't care!

If I were you I'd say that you are going away even if you haven't booked anywhere yet. Encourage the PIL to sort themselves out based on that choice. You could sweeten the pill by having them over before Christmas for a party and present exchange with DD.

Some people do panic if they haven't got everything planned well in advance. musketeersmummy's suggested response is good, you may need to repeat it every year though.